Monday, December 20, 2010

*steps on soapbox*

i'm watching one of those "you are not the father" episodes of Maury on Hulu, and seriously, i want to smack pretty much everyone who shows up on it. i get the feeling that most of these people are really not mature enough to be having sex.

i want to shake them by the shoulders...all of them: the men and the women...and tell them that they need to think about whether they want to have kids before they start having sex. and, if they decide that they don't want sex to result in kids, they need to learn to use birth control properly and also come to terms with the thought of either choosing abortion or putting the kid up for adoption in the event that birth control fails and they still have no desire to raise a kid.

that's a major reason i waited as long as i did to engage in sex acts that carry a risk of pregnancy -- i didn't want to open that particular can of worms until i thought through it and felt comfortable with my options for what to do if the condom broke and i turned up pregnant. even though sex is about pleasure rather than procreation for me, as a woman who never wants to have kids...certain acts carry a risk that anyone considering them needs to face thoughtfully before they actually do it.

end of rant.

Friday, December 17, 2010

crackhead mayor strikes again

Dear Marion Barry:

You probably wouldn't have left your keys in your car ignition in Washington, DC had you not fried your brain on all that crack.

love,
the persecuted crack smoker

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

STFU.

dear mainstream media, FDA, law enforcement, and everyone else:

will you please shut up about four loko, already? i'm sick of hearing about it. railing against it is going to do absolutely nothing. banning it is going to do absolutely nothing. and, the fact that the FDA is just now trying to declare caffeine in alcoholic beverages an "unsafe food additive" is laughable.

four loko is nothing new. there have been plenty of caffeinated malt beverages over the years: Sparks, Joose, Tilt, Natty Up...there have been a handful over the years. four loko has just been the most popular, for some reason. i've never had it, so i don't know if it tastes any better than its foul-tasting caffeinated alcopop predecessors...but it's the same thing.

and, even more popular (and more delicious) than purchasing caffeinated booze? rolling your own. think about it: jager and red bull. rum and coke. irish coffee. there are a million different caffeinated alcoholic beverages that people have been mixing themselves for years, and there's nothing that the FDA can say or do to make us stop making them. what are they going to do: stop selling liquor and/or caffeinated beverages for fear that we're going to mix the two? get real.

in other words, focus your energy on something that actually matters.

no love,
me

P.S.: criminals, if you're reading this, don't blame your idiotic actions on four loko. the only reason it's even notable that you said this is because you blamed your actions on the scapegoat du jour. if you blamed the fact that you stole stuff on the fact that you had one too many vodka-and-red-bull drinks, people would have just laughed at you and continued the arrest. but, since you invoked the latest Big Moral Panic, stupid people are going to get even more up in arms about it. so, take it from me: i don't care if you drink four loko, beer, whiskey, or club soda -- just don't be a dumbass and rob people, okay? and, if you do rob people, don't blame it on what you're drinking.

Thursday, December 09, 2010

tee hee.

i was just plugging in a USB peripheral, and caught myself singing "get on the serial bus...get on the serial bus" out loud, to the tune of "get on the city bus" by wesley willis.

i'm special.

lolspams

as seen in a lottery spam:

The selection was made through a computer draw system attaching personalized email
addresses to ticket numbers. If you ignore this message, you will definitely regret it
later. Microsoft is now the largest Internet company & in effort to make sure that
Internet Explorer remain the most widely used program, Microsoft/Msn is running an e-
mail beta test.


that makes about as much sense as oh, i don't know...still using Internet Explorer.

eternal wisdom for the ages

"why does Christmas music suck?"
"because it isn't very good."

i <3 Beavis and Butt-Head.

Wednesday, December 01, 2010

oh, shmooballs.

foiled again.

my chance for a shmoocon ticket looks like it will depend on one of two rather unlikely happenings: scoring a ticket in the January 1 sale, or having my talk proposal accepted.

i'm still thinking that even if i don't get a ticket, i'll probably go to DC that weekend just to hang out with everyone.