Thursday, October 28, 2010

LJ Idol Week 0: The Introduction

LJ Idol Week 0: The Introduction

my name is nicolle. that's right, nicolle...with a lowercase n. i decided long ago that it made no sense to capitalise my name. that thing over there is a table, that other thing over there is a phone, and that thing right here is a nicolle. i capitalise other people's names out of respect for them, but as for mine, it's not quite right to me unless it's lowercase.

then again, in my own mind, i think of myself as adalia at least as often as i think of myself as nicolle. that name was taken from the song "adalia" by madina lake...a song about a girl who people find intriguing for some ridiculous reason, although she really wants them to just forget about her, and let her withdraw completely into her own head. i feel that way often, probably more than i should. i thought that feeling would possibly fade as i left my angsty teens, and then as i left my angsty early i'm kissing my mid-twenties goodbye in less than a month, and that feeling is still as strong as ever.

i've thought a lot about changing my name to adalia anderson ward. anderson is for Scott Anderson, the lead singer of Finger Eleven. ward is for Scooter Ward, the lead singer of Cold. they've been my two favourite bands for years now, and i could write a pretty good description of my life using quotes from just those two bands. i've never had the guts to actually go through with it. to this day, the only time i regularly go by the name adalia in public is when i sing karaoke.

it's a shame, really. one of the things i most resent about being "nicolle" (or even its derivative "nicky") to everyone is the fact that i didn't pick that moniker for myself. it's something that nags at me to look back toward a past that i spend every day of my life trying to get as far away from as i possibly can. i've been able to get away from some really big things in life that made it intolerable, like the suffocating town i grew up in as well as a horrifyingly bad career choice. however, i haven't been able to shed the name i was born with, and as much as i hate to admit it, the fact that i still have it is a mark of my inertia and cowardice.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

LJ Idol

i watched a few of my friends play LJ Idol last season...i didn't play, but it looked like there were some interesting writing prompts, and they wrote some really awesome stuff for it.

this season, i shall try my hand.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

i love the ' love musicals...

two nights ago, my roommate and i went out to karaoke. (well, we also went last night, but this story is from two nights ago.) a brief exchange we had after she searched the karaoke songs sums up our trips to karaoke in one nice little nutshell:

my roommate: boo! they don't have anything from Wicked!
me: what, the only song called "Popular" they had was by Nada Surf?
my roommate: how'd you know?
me: it's the most popular song called "Popular"! it's a '90s classic!

an eventful laundry day

suck of the night: when some apartment maintenance people were here on Saturday planning the heating work they're doing here next week, they unplugged the water drainage hose for the washer. they didn't tell us they unplugged the hose, so when i put my laundry in, it flooded the laundry area, the bathroom, and part of the hallway an inch or so deep.

sigh of relief: even though this happened around midnight, the landlord came with his mop and bucket, and got up most of the water.

win of the night: using one of my old law school t-shirts to wipe up the dusty, grimy dregs of the flooding. cathartic, that.

Friday, October 22, 2010

oh, people. :-/

i was googling for information on whether or not i could build a certain kind of utilities LiveCD with the hardware i was using. the first three words of my query were "can you make". i was halfway typing the third word, but i had to stop typing because the four searches google suggested were just so bizarre:

1. can you make money on youtube
2. can you mail alcohol
3. can you make money blogging
4. can you mail beer

my suggestion? sell videos of yourself doing dumb things under the influence of alcohol you order online, and promote it via a blog and some youtube teaser clips.

farking genius.

the main reason i read is for the headlines. the weird news is fun, and sometimes i read the threads, but my favourite thing about the site is seeing the clever one-liners people write about things.

and, today, i have seen what may be my favourite headline in my six-ish years of reading fark.

the headline stated "Evidence emerges that most "crazy teabaggers" at rallies are indeed plants."

...and the accompanying link pointed to a Missouri Botanical Garden page about the Caucasian Wingnut, a shade tree native to the Caucasus.

if this does not win Headline of the Year, i'm going to cry.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

fool me thrice?

dear spammer,

i see you titled your email "find a path to the degree you want." i've already found a path to two degrees i thought i wanted at the time, but later figured out were mistakes. i'm not falling for that trap called "formal postsecondary education" again.

no love,

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

fucking politics, how does it work?

Campaign 2010 has become the election year of the internet meme. cases in point:

we've got Christine O'Donnell's Bed Intruder parody.

we've got Joe Miller's Old Spice Guy parody.

and we've got Jimmy McMillan, whose Rent Is Too Damn High debate clips have in themselves become viral video.

screw it all. i'm casting a write-in vote for the lolrus for every position this year.

Friday, October 15, 2010

nom nom nope.

dear crack smokers,

am i going to have to spell everything out for you? i realise that's a rhetorical question, since you are crack smokers, and therefore not very likely to retain your logical reasoning faculties to any discernible extent.

that said, i apologise for my frustration. i'm really just trying to help. i know i've told you a million times here already that eating your crack is a bad way to get rid of the evidence. it's probably just going to make you sick...but i know it seems like a good idea under pressure. finding some way to get it into your system is tempting, since you want that last hit of cracktastic goodness before you're thrown in the [ostensibly crack-free] pokey for a while. i understand your thought process here.

however, i never dreamed in a million years that i would have to make the following suggestion:

for the love of crack, do not eat your crackpipe!

crackpipes are not delicious. crackpipes are made of glass. they will shatter into a million pieces, and you'll be spending the rest of your life plucking the little bits of your crackpipe out of your tongue, gums, and cheeks. if you swallow it, you will either die or be sent to the hospital for them to try and get the shards of your favourite crackpipe out of your esophagus and your stomach. i can only imagine that the hospital bills alone will amount to enough money to pay for all the crack you could ever want for the rest of your life. there's no way you will be able to eat a crackpipe without Officer Friendly seeing what you did there.

this is not a worthwhile trade for what little crack residue may still be on your pipe. even a crack-addled brain should be able to understand this...and, for not quite getting it, our friend in Oklahoma has found a place in the list of crack smokers who are too stupid to take refuge at the Last Refuge of the Persecuted Crack Smoker.

in other words, don't be this guy. don't eat your crackpipe.

the persecuted crack smoker

Thursday, October 14, 2010

naughty, naughty

i was looking up some documentation about Fortigate, a kind of firewall. the search page gave some rather special help text:

There is no page titled "fortigate". You can create this page.

Did you mean fornicate?

i wish, but i'd probably get fired for fornicating on the job. ^.^

B-Sides Ottawa, anyone?

are any of you who may be reading this trudging up to the Great White North for Security B-Sides Ottawa on November 12 and 13? just wondering, because this week i got the requisite days off work, got my plane ticket, and all systems are go for spending that weekend in Ottawa.

(if you haven't signed up, there are still slots, but you have to plan soon since it's 90% full as of this morning!)

i'm excited. i haven't been to Canada since i was a teenager; my junior year choir trip was to Toronto. i've never been to Ottawa, ever. even more importantly to me, there are a lot of cool talks planned (i'm most excited about the nmap scripting engine talk), and a lot of fun people are coming, so it should be a fabulous weekend.

i had just better not forget my passport when i leave for the airport. ;-)

Wednesday, October 13, 2010


Meat Loaf did a cover of "It's All Coming Back To Me Now"?!?!?!

wow, it's terrible. and, yet, my life is somehow more complete because this exists.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

walk like a penguin!

this is my favourite ad ever.

when i was in eighth grade, i'd turn on the Weather Channel at 50 minutes after the hour every hour i was home, because Safe Step Ice Melter sponsored the winter weather update. this ad always ran at that time, like clockwork.

i don't know if it's the computer voice, the penguins, the people slipping on the ice, or all of the above, but this is pure genius!

...on Coming Out day

(i intended to write this yesterday, since it's a little reflection on national coming-out day, but since i spent yesterday at work, then completely insomniac and mentally dead, and then finally asleep from about 3-midnight, things didn't quite work out as planned.)

generally, i can't stand awareness-themed days. disease-awareness, children-awareness, such-and-such-a-sexuality-awareness, human-rights-issue-awareness...all those days usually end up driving me crazy because people try to pressure me into paying lip service to causes. if you actually care about an issue, you work it into your life every single day, and don't spend a day a week doing meaningless gestures like "donating" your facebook status or waving a sign for whatever the cause du jour happens to be.

however, i pretty much love national coming-out day. it's the one awareness-related observance that i can personally get behind, mainly because it doesn't feel like an empty gesture to me. it's not like most awareness-related days, where any observance i made of it would be something along the lines of "i'm saying something about it because it's this one day, and the other 364 days a year i put no thought whatsoever into it." instead, it actually feels like a way to start conversations about an issue that's very personal to me, an issue i think, read, and talk about on a daily basis.

i spent years in the closet because i wasn't comfortable enough with myself to tell people that i was bisexual, and i wasn't comfortable enough in my connections with other people to be confident that they'd be okay with it, instead of just thinking i was saying it for the attention. i remember how much it hurt to not be open or honest about my sexuality i frequently have discussions with people about sexuality: exploring it, figuring it out, becoming comfortable with it, and figuring out how open to be about it. i truly care about being in a world where people are comfortable enough to come to terms with their own sexuality, whatever it may happen to be.

in short, i like national coming out day because it's not an empty observance for me. it touches on something i care about every day out of the year. however, the reason i like the day is because it's personal. i'm never going to try and guilt someone else into doing something empty in observance of coming-out day, because i know how onboxious it is when people try to guilt me into doing something empty to draw attention to their causes (or, worse, draw attention to some cause that they're only emptily drawing attention to). i just let all the other this-and-that days blow past, because no matter how many guilt trips people post in their facebook statuses, twitter feeds, or would ring empty for me to tout that cause, since it's nothing i put any actual effort behind.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

song meme: day 30

Day 30: Your Favourite Song At This Time Last Year

it was October of 2009 when i first heard "Snuff" by Slipknot...and it was the first time in a long time that a new song really had much of an effect on me. i still really love this song, and think it describes things that go on in my head really, really well.


and so ends this music meme...and here's hoping i can devise some content that doesn't suck in the near future. :-/

right now what's really on my mind is the fact that i won't get to go to CCC this year. the fact that i'll have to miss 27c3 hit me like a ton of bricks this week...i got a preorder offer since i was an angel (con volunteer) last year, which would have been awesome because the line to buy CCC tickets on site is absolutely horrendous. but, there's just no way i can take that whole week between christmas and new year's off of work. i have enough vacation days to do it, but there's just not enough shift cover to go around during the holidays. that's the drag of working at a 24/7 place, and the fact that the con is between christmas and new year's.

the way it stands, i'm going to be ringing in 2011 at work, and not in Berlin. i'm heartbroken over this, but i know it's how it has to be.

Saturday, October 09, 2010

song meme: day 29

Day 29: A Song From Your Childhood

nowadays, i could not be more ambivalent about The Beatles. i know a lot of people still like them, but i find most of their stuff kind of...boring. however, when i was a kid, i listened to pretty much nothing but sixties music. i was so proud of myself the first time i finally Learned The Words To A Song I Heard On The Radio. that first radio song i ever learned was this one, "Eight Days A Week".

Friday, October 08, 2010

song meme: day 28

Day 28 - A Song That Makes You Feel Guilty

"Tonight Is The Night I Fell Asleep At The Wheel" by Barenaked Ladies. enough said.

Thursday, October 07, 2010

song meme: day 27

Day 27: A Song That You Wish You Could Play

there are a lot i could put here...but i've really, really always wanted to accompany myself on the piano while singing "My Immortal" by Evanescence. i can sing the song really, really well...but trying to learn how to play it on the piano was a total disaster.

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

song meme: days 22-26

despite the fact that i've had home internet since monday, i've just been so uninspired to write these last couple days that i've fallen five days behind on this thing. then again...i can't promise this will be well written, since i'm not inspired to write even now. i'm just...not liking being five days behind on this.

i'm also fucking cranky tonight. can you tell?

anyway, here goes.

Day 22: A Song You Listen To When You’re Sad

maybe i'm weird. maybe i'm masochistic. but, when i'm sad, i only like to listen to songs that are sad. then again, most of the time i only like to listen to songs that are sad, because there's no better way to piss me off than to shove happiness in my face. but, when i'm sad, i like to listen to a song that makes me feel like somebody somewhere gets how i'm feeling and understands why i can't be happy or satisfied.

and, often, "Kody" by Matchbox20 fits that bill.

Day 23: A Song You Want To Play At Your Wedding


*catches her breath*


me? getting married? you must have confused me with someone else. seriously. i'm never getting married...there's no way i can look anyone in the eye and say "'til death do us part." me getting married is only a recipe for me getting divorced, and the fact that i believe in making good on promises i make to people i care about means i can't actually promise someone i care about the rest of my life, knowing that the odds are against me actually being able to give them that much. so, as a message to anyone who would prod me toward marriage...i bring you "Fuck You" by Wesley Willis.

Day 24: A Song That You Want To Play At Your Funeral

i want my funeral to be a celebration of me and all the things i thought were awesome in life. as such, at my funeral, i want people to play songs i love. people usually think of playing hymns at a funeral...and maybe there'll be a bit of Pretty Choral Music at my funeral, since there's a good bit of Pretty Choral Music i love in life. however, there had also better be some good rock music at my funeral, since there's no music i love more than that. and, if one song is responsible for getting me started listening to good rock music, it's this one: "The Freshmen" by The Verve Pipe.

Day 25: A Song That Makes You Laugh

duracells...energizers...automatic circumcisers...yeah, i can think of a good choice for this one. :)

"Hardware Store" by Weird Al Yankovic, for the win.

(although "Trapped In The Drive-Thru" was really tempting.)

Day 26: A Song That You Can Play On An Instrument

me? play an instrument? that's a funny one. seriously, i suck at musical instruments. they require finger dexterity, something that i very much do not possess.

the closest i can come to this is "a song to which i taught myself the guitar solo when i was in high school": "Like A Stone" by Audioslave. i never could play the rest of the song, and only vaguely remember the solo, but given my instrumental ineptitude, it's the best i can do.

Friday, October 01, 2010

song meme: day 21

Day 21: A Song You Listen To When You’re Happy

i'm not sure i really have a go-to song when i'm happy. i don't go, "school's closed, and some dude just gave me twenty bucks for a dead bird. today's a good day. next, i think i'll go turn on some music." the opposite happens...i'm having a neutral day or even a sucky one, i turn some music on to fill in some perceived empty space or to give me some emotional support, and the day gets better. but, i can't think of the last time that happiness was what led me to turn on music.

however, i do have an answer for a song i associate with loudly singing when i'm happy [and possibly somewhat inebriated]: "Kenesaw Mountain Landis" by Jonathan Coulton.