Sunday, June 13, 2010

News Crack Smokers Can Use: June 13, 2010

dear crack smokers,

i know you think crack is the bee's knees, and you enjoy smoking it at any opportunity. you may even like it so much that you become a crack evangelist...trying to convince everyone you know that crack makes you feel awesome, and that they should try it.

however, if the person you're talking to does not feel like smoking crack, don't do anything rash. don't force crack on them. don't throw a fit. don't beat them up because they won't smoke crack.

keep in the front of your mind that crack is illegal. if Officer Friendly finds out that you're smoking crack, he might take you to jail. going to jail is going to put a serious damper on your crack smoking life; it's a lot easier to get away with smoking crack in the privacy of your own home than it is to get away with smoking it in the slammer. the last thing you want to do if you are a crack smoker is cause a scene that attracts the attention of the local constabulary. unfortunately, beating someone up because they won't smoke crack might just bring attention to you. i know it confuses you a lot that someone doesn't quite see the allure of smoking crack, but rest assured that people can figure out how to live perfectly happy lives without it.

finally, if this all seems silly or bizarre, just look at it this way: if one fewer person is smoking crack, it leaves more crack for you.

love,
me

No comments: