Tuesday, June 01, 2010

Mister Coke

i know this is the last refuge of the persecuted crack smoker, but every so often something so silly comes up that doesn't relate to crack that i still find it worth mentioning. this is one of those times.

if your name is Mr. Coke, don't grow up to be a drug lord.

in general, growing up to be a drug lord is a bad idea. sure, rolling in cash can be a lot of fun, and there are probably plenty of good-looking women who are still stupid enough to think it's cool to show their breasts to the rich drug lord in town. you might even get a bit of a power trip from convincing people that you're a legitimate businessman and a good guy.

however, making it that far in drug-lord-dom is difficult. unless mommy and daddy were drug lords before you and passed on the family business, making it that far requires a lot of wheeling, dealing, and potentially pissing off other drug lords and wanna-be drug lords who would rather kill you than give up their businesses. that's a pretty big risk to take.

even if you're lucky, and you become a drug lord superstar with a big house and five cars, it's eventually going to come crashing down anyway. when you're on top, rival drug lords will still want to kill you and take your business, so you still have a target on your head. living with armed guards 24/7 can't be fun.

drug running is also illegal. eventually people may trace the supply to you, and the local constabulary will eventually start knocking on the door. if you don't answer, they'll probably start getting a little more insistent, and their desire to kill you may rise to rival the other drug lords'. that doesn't sound like a relaxing way to enjoy the fruits of your labour.

and, if your name is Coke, people will clown on you for entering such an ominously fitting profession. if you're that desperate to match your job and your name, maybe going into the steel profession or the caffeinated beverage profession would be slightly less fraught with peril.

you're welcome.

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