Tuesday, June 22, 2010


dear security guard,

i walked into the data centre this morning. of course, it's not the location i normally work in, so i had an authorization code instead of a badge. it took me a minute or two to get it, because it was on my phone, and my phone was off. you treated me very rudely at that point...instead of going back to your work, letting me step aside to find it, and helping me in a few minutes, you kept badgering me for other information. you were loud and you were demanding.

"what's the phone number? you need to give me the phone number of the place you're going." "just a moment...::rifles through wallet, finds card:: here it is." "i can't call up there! you have to do it!"

(never mind the fact that the whole thing slowing me down was my phone booting up--at which point i'd have the stupid authorization code anyway.)

as soon as my phone booted and i had the authorization code, i gave it to you. it was like flipping the magic switch that turned you from one kind of asshat into another.

i gave you the number, and you immediately shifted from pushy and brusque to patronising and accommodating. it was a welcome change, briefly, as you called that number that you claimed before that you couldn't call, and got someone to come down and bring me upstairs. then, you got off the phone, leered at me, and started hitting on me.

you leaned forward. "so, what do you like to do in your spare time?"

i wanted you off my back. "i work, and i sleep. that's about it. i'm boring." the sad thing is, this answer, while not completely true, is not very far from the truth. i've pretty much dropped off the face of the earth, this hot summer weather is killing me, and working and sleeping are about all i have the energy to do anymore.
you didn't get the hint. you kept leering. "that can't be true. you've got all those bracelets. you're wearing a matchbox20 shirt. you've got to be more interesting than that."

"nope. the bracelets are from computer conferences." sure, i was implying something technically not true. yes, most of my bracelets are from hacker cons, but of course they aren't ones i've gone to for work. i hope to have a job someday that sends me to cons, but i'm nowhere near that level in my career yet.

"you're not telling me everything. i know you're more interesting than that."

of course i am. and, i'm a terrible liar. i don't hide things well. but, i'd still rather lie than actually get into a conversation with you, the person who two minutes ago was treating me like the dirt on the bottom of your shoes. i'd still rather at least try to play the part of the boring workaholic than divulge much of my personality to you, the person who is clearly trying to butter me up and pry things out of me that i really don't feel like discussing with you.

i'm willing to deal with you on a business level because i have to. i can't get to my job if i don't. but, i don't want to deal with you on a personal level, and i'm going to do everything in my power to keep you behind that wall.

glad i have my badge and won't have to deal with you anymore,

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