Friday, October 30, 2009

if you still care, don't ever let me know

it has been a couple of months since i heard a new song that grabbed me and shook me.

i heard "snuff" by slipknot for the first time today, and it was exactly what i needed. i was pretty shocked when i found out it was slipknot, since most of their stuff really doesn't do it for me, but this one just gives me goosebumps.

bury all your secrets in my skin
come away with innocence
and leave me with my sins
the air around me still feels like a cage
and love is just a camouflage
for what resembles rage again

so if you love me let me go
and run away before i know
my heart is just too dark to care
i cant destroy what isn't there
deliver me into my fate
if i'm alone i cannot hate
i don't deserve to have you
my smile was taken long ago
if i can change i hope i never know

i still press your letters to my lips
and cherish them in parts of me that savor every kiss
i couldn't face a life without your light
but all of that was ripped apart...
when you refused to fight

so save your breath i will not hear
i think i made it very clear
you couldn't hate enough to love
is that supposed to be enough?
i only wish you weren't my friend
then i could hurt you in the end
i never claimed to be a saint
my own was banished long ago
it took the death of hope to let you go

so break yourself against my stones
and spit your pity in my soul
you never needed any help
you sold me out to save yourself
and i wont listen to your shame
you ran away you're all the same
angels lie to keep control
my love was punished long ago
if you still care don't ever let me know

if you still care don't ever let me know

Sunday, October 18, 2009


(warning: whiny, cryptic rant ahead.)

i've been feeling really weird, really off, these last few days. i know in my head what i want and need to get done, but nothing's coming. i'm going through a time of banging my head against a wall repeatedly. there's no real reason why i can't get past that wall...i just can't.

maybe i'm scared of change. maybe i'm scared to fail. maybe i've convinced myself so well that anything i could possibly do would be a disappointment that some switch has flipped in my brain to tell myself that it's better not to even try, and therefore let people continue to think i might be able to do something that i'm convinced there's no way i'll actually be able to wrap my head around.

Friday, October 16, 2009

my ipod smokes crack rocks.

i'm at the hackerspace reading through some 501(c)(3) documentation. a couple of other people are here. my iPod is playing over the speakers.

it played "through the fire and flames" by dragonforce...

..followed by "i want it that way" by the backstreet boys.

if the other guys here didn't realise what a weirdo i was, they sure know now. :)

Sunday, October 04, 2009

ad fail

i saw an extremely infuriating ad for Chicago Public Schools this afternoon on the #152 bus.

it was part of their "Just Go! to school" campaign, and the point of the ad is that if you went to school and graduated, you could grow up to be like the people on the ad. it had pictures of four people, with their occupation, their name, and name of the Chicago public high school from which they graduated. one of them was a journalist and television news anchor, one was a singer, one was an Olympic athlete and business owner, and one was an attorney and nonprofit director.

the journalist and news anchor was listed as such. the singer was listed as such. the athlete and entrepreneur was listed as such. the attorney and nonprofit director was not listed as such, but rather listed as First Lady of the United States.

that drives me crazy. i'm not trying to allege that it's not pretty cool to be the First Lady. however, the point is that you are supposed to finish school in order to give yourself the tools to build an interesting career for yourself. i'm not trying to discount any role Michelle Obama had in helping to get Barack Obama elected. she's a well-spoken public figure, and an asset to the White House.

however, listing her career as "First Lady" implies that the reason that she's worth holding up as an example is that she's married to the president. this is simply not true. it trivializes the fact that she had a successful career as an attorney, in the mayor's office, with nonprofits in town, and with the University of Chicago. she did enough interesting stuff on her own to merit holding up as an example of how education can take you down a good path.

if you get right down to it, you're more likely to meet someone of potentially presidential calibre if you stay in school and go to college and run in circles where the talented and the powerful run. but, i don't reckon that's the message that Chicago Public Schools wants to disseminate: "stay in school and get a really sweet MRS."

in other words, this ad slighted both the achievements of Michelle Obama and the value of staying in school in one fell swoop.

twitter done right

some tweets are good enough to re-tweet. few tweets are good enough to blog:

"Last night's sweater smells this morning like the ghost of 118 hugs. All perfumes cancel themselves out and smell like a 747's bathroom."

thank you, Douglas Coupland. you really are my favourite living author. not only are your books awesome, but sometimes you manage to weave something beautiful into a tweet. the image of "the ghost of 118 hugs" is something i doubt i'll ever forget.