Sunday, April 12, 2009

google searches crack smokers have used...

for the first time ever, someone actually found this blog by searching for the phrase news crack smokers can use. this makes me inordinately happy. thank you, whoever you are! ♥

in other news, here are a few more recent searches that led here:
  • why do crack smokers keep baking soda: that's pretty simple. you see, sometimes crack smokers face an emergency...they have powdered cocaine, but they can't find any crack. since powder is less cracktastic than crack, ingenious crack smokers need to keep baking soda around so they can cook it themselves.1 [and, if there's plenty of crack to go around, i'm sure it's pretty fun to mix baking soda with vinegar and red food dye when you're on crack. then again, that's also extremely entertaining when you're not on crack.]
  • how much time u do for 23 bags of crack: it depends on how much crack is in each bag. even though it's hard to miss little details like this when so much of your mental capacity is focused on the wonders of crack, bags come in different sizes. in order to figure out how much time you're likely to do for those 23 bags of crack, the sentencing guidelines will probably take into account the weight of the crack, your criminal history, whether you had a gun, what colour your shirt is, and what you ate for breakfast this morning. then again, the sentencing guidelines are messy enough to puzzle through if you're a lawyer--if you're a crack smoker and still manage to make good sense of them, you should probably stop smoking crack because there is a good chance that you are the next Einstein.
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1 take note, whoever googled what can you use to cook crack. it's not hard...it's just baking soda, water, and cocaine. that's it.

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