Friday, February 13, 2009

i'm shooting out your lights

dear office lights,

we've established that you are far too bright. i get a lot of sunlight in through my window, so i don't like to have you any more than halfway on. even if i am at work after dark, i almost never turn you all the way on, since your harsh fluorescence is a little overbearing to my light-sensitive eyes.

however, i need you to function if i am in the office after dark. it was really annoying last night around 8:30 when you decided to stop working. i waved my hand in front of the motion sensor to no avail. i pushed the manual light buttons, which didn't turn you back on either. finally, since i still had many hours of work to do, i grabbed my laptop and my papers, relocated to a conference room, and went back to work. once or twice i went back to my office to get things, and you didn't light up no matter how hard i tried. i thought of putting in a service request to get you fixed, but since i did not leave the office until 2 o'clock in the morning, i decided i would put the service request off for a few hours while i went home and slept.

then, the most remarkable thing happened. i arrived at work this morning around 8:30, and you decided to start working again. you weren't even subtle about it, flipped all the way on as soon as i walked into the office. i had to manually dim you back to half strength.

this leads me to wonder, office lights, if you smoke crack in your spare time. i can't think of any other reason why you would decide to stop working when it was i needed you, and decide to work like a charm when you are redundant.

no love,
the persecuted crack smoker

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