Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Google Searches Crack Smokers Have Used

my dear googlers, you have outdone yourselves yet again.
  • smart places to hide your crack cocaine: i'm glad you are thinking ahead, my grasshopper, and i shall give you a few starter tips. keeping your crack at home is always a good plan. if you have to have your crack outside of the house, like when you are taking it home from your crack dealer, it's probably best to hide it in a bag, like a backpack or a purse, preferably under a layer or two of legal things. whatever you do, don't leave it in plain sight when you're taking it home. then, keep it in a safe place. the false-bottomed cans aren't much good, since cops know all about them. try a fireproof box, like people normally keep important papers in. or, put it inside some kind of box of keepsakes or other things in a drawer or closet of yours. the most important thing is to put it somewhere private, and have it hidden inside a container, amidst other legal things. that way, it doesn't look like you're hiding crack...it just looks like you're squirreling a few things away, like any normal person would. in addition, keep in mind that, for the successful crack smoker, hiding your crack isn't just something you do...it is truly a way of life. all of the good hiding in the world is no good if someone sees you smoking crack. in other words, shut the windows, draw the blinds, and smoke your crack in private. don't smoke crack outside, and don't smoke crack where a cop, a snitch, or anyone else who could get you busted for crack smoking might see. be discreet.
  • how much can you sell crack for: a standard rock weighs between 1/8 and 1/10 gram, and it will get you high once; these rocks sell for between $10 and $20 depending on the market. bigger (~1/4 gram) crack rocks go for about $40. transactions of any more crack than that depend on the crack dealer. you may want to give volume discounts when you're starting out so the local crack smokers have reason to buy their crack from you, although the fact that they're addicted to crack and you're selling crack may get you a good book of business without sacrificing your bottom line with those pesky discounts.
  • i smoked so much crack: good for you. would you like a cookie?
  • i made fake crack now what can i put into it so u can get high: cocaine. that's it. people smoke crack to get high on cocaine. if you put some other drug in the crack, a crack smoker will know, and will stop buying crack from you. so, if you are that intent on selling crack, and you want to avoid incurring the wrath of angry crack smokers who don't get their accustomed high from your crack, you should discard all of your fake crack and cook a new batch with real cocaine. it's more expensive than fake crack, but if you're smart and covert, you'll reap the rewards from repeat customers.
  • rectal crack smoking: i thought we covered this last week: crack belongs nowhere near your bum. you can't shove crack up your ass to get high. and, unless you've had some sort of strange operation that connects your lungs to your bunghole, you can't use your rectum to smoke crack. you already have an orifice that's perfectly good for smoking crack. it's called your mouth. use it.
  • should i stay away from crack: yes.
and, finally...
  • hate moot court: no, it's not crack. but, if you've ever been to law school, i'm sure you can't deny that moot court made you want to smoke crack sometimes. i am so glad to never have to do moot court again.

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