Tuesday, December 02, 2008

More News Crack Smokers Can Use

today, i have for you not one, but two items of News Crack Smokers Can Use:
  • don't peddle cookie dough and claim that it is crack. first of all, an amalgam of cookie dough and orajel sounds downright gross. i can't think of a reason that anyone would want to smoke it, eat it, or have anything to do with it. maybe i just don't understand, since i don't use crack. could it be that if you've smoked enough crack in your life, you can deal with some cookie dough and orajel every once in a while? secondly, the police will not be very happy. if you look like a crack dealer, walk like a crack dealer, and talk like a crack dealer, cops will probably think you are a crack dealer. and, even if you tell them that it's not crack, the cops will arrest you, test the substance, and charge you with "intent to deliver a counterfeit substance." [yes, it is apparently a crime in some jurisdictions to sell fake drugs.]
  • if you are a prosecutor, you should refrain from smoking crack. if you can't refrain from smoking crack, you should at least refrain from carrying your crack in public. if you can't refrain from carrying your crack in public, you should at least refrain from snorting cocaine in public while you are carrying crack in your pocket. otherwise, you will be ridiculed on the internet, and you will lose your job as a prosecutor.

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