good afternoon, and welcome to another installment of The Criminal IQ Test!! unlike previous installments, this is a difficult one. this one has two questions instead of just one.
1. imagine that you and a friend of yours are really drunk, and want to get from one place to another. do you:
a. call a cab?
b. take the bus?
d. get your really drunk friend to drive?
if you chose (a) or (b), you're not a complete idiot. if you chose (c), i suggest you put your drivers license through a heavy-duty shredder and toss your car keys into a vat of molten lava. if you chose (d), i suggest you get your head examined, or at least jump off a cliff so you can take responsibility for your own demise instead of getting your idiot friend to help you along.
2. for the sake of argument, since this is the Criminal I.Q Test, let's assume an answer of (d) to Question 1. your friend is driving the two of you, and both of you are still extremely drunk. a police car pulls your friend's car over on the way. Officer Friendly takes your friend out of the car, and starts administering field sobriety tests. do you:
a. sit quietly and wait in the car?
b. call a sober friend to come pick you up?
c. check how much money you have, in case you need to bail your friend out?
d. start driving the car away, stop a few feet down the road at Officer Friendly's behest, and get busted for drunk driving?
if you chose (a), (b), or (c), you are not the dumbest criminal ever. if you chose (d)...then you are a solid contender for the dumbest criminal ever, and you make me weep for the human race.