Wednesday, April 30, 2008

scholastic apathy

ugh. one final left. i've had one final left since last friday...and yet i haven't touched it. it's my last final ever, i know i should just get it done. i just don't care about it. i feel even more checked out on law school than ever.

i didn't think that was possible.

my grand achievement for the day? finally getting scrabulous to work on linux. it took me a while to get the flash player to work, but finally i did it. :) i also wrote some more programs in Python. i'm not doing anything super shiny yet, but i am making progress, learning more commands, and becoming a little more fluid with the structure and the logic. as soon as i write something particularly fun, i'll let you know.

i also can't think of anything good or interesting to write, so i'll end here.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008



this sexy box is now running Ubuntu 8.04...with no Windows in sight. <3

a breakup letter

dear Windows,

fuck you.

seriously. fuck you.

we've had our ups and downs, mostly downs, during our eleven-and-a-half-year affair. we got together back in December of '96, when my parents bought a Windows box as the new family computer. the eleven years before that, since the time my family got a computer, i had been using macs. but, my parents were getting tired of not being able to run certain programs that weren't mac-compatible, so the old Mac Classic got relegated to the master bedroom...and the windows box took its place.

i moved to college, and used a laptop with Windows. i went to law school and got another laptop with Windows, because it was the only OS on which the exam-taking software would run. i didn't know enough about computers then to realise that i could run something other than Windows for finals taking, and that i could just run ExamSoft over a Windows emulator. i was naive then.

i felt captive most of that time. sure, each of those computers ran great for the first few months i had them. then...they slowed...and slowed. the first computer finally became unusable after i had the audacity to erase all vestiges of Internet Explorer, and Windows decided not to work. i figured...hey, i didn't use it and it was taking up valuable space on my 3GB hard drive, so i may as well remove it, right? Windows disagreed. i finally learned why, my second year of law school--while reading the antitrust case against Microsoft. sneaky little fuckers, hiding necessary system files in their piece-of-crap web browser so we can't delete it.

for the longest time, i was scared to try anything else, though. i thought it would be too hard to learn. i was too busy. i wasn't happy with Windows, but inertia and apathy stopped me from doing anything else.

i always get more productive the closer finals week draws. sure, i don't get more productive about school. but, i find other projects to keep me busy, things that are important enough that i can justify doing them instead of studying. this time, it has been learning linux.

am i a Linux Power User yet? no way. but, i know my way around...and it runs faster than Windows even now, when it's running on Wubi (an emulator), over Windows. i'm learning system administration slowly but surely. i'm learning the applications, and it's true...whatever stuff i wanted to do on Windows, there's something on Linux that works just as well. since my Experiment With Linux started, i've been booting into Windows less and less. except for my last week, i had stopped booting into Windows entirely.

today, i'm doing it. i bought an external hard drive, that i'm saving my files to. once my system is backed up, Windows is toast. Ubuntu 8.04 is going on here for real. for the first time, i'm going to have a personal computer without Windows, and it's going to be great.

sure, this won't be like one of my normal breakups. i know better than to think that i'm never going to see you again. i'll have to use Windows at work. when i get my new computer this summer, i'll have to partition the hard drive and keep Windows on a small slice of it...just in case i do have to run a program that will only run in Windows, and acts weird over Wine [a Windows emulator for Linux]. as much as you suck, Windows, i know that there's always a chance that i'm going to be forced to put up with you. but, i'm going to use that partition as little as possible.

goodbye Windows. you've given me a hard time for the last eleven and a half years...but today, it's over. today, i'm taking control of this machine...which means you have no control over it any more.

rot in hell,
the persecuted crack smoker

Monday, April 28, 2008


this morning's xkcd made me laugh. maniacally:

re: the text that pops up when you go to the website and hover the mouse over the comic...i'm running it, and i haven't found that feature yet. back to tinkering. :D

Sunday, April 27, 2008


i went to Novak's tonight to sing a little karaoke 'cause i wanted to get out of the house. it was nice...i went, i read my book, and i was [generally] not bothered. okay, i had to blow off two skeezy men [WTF? i don't go to a dyke bar to get hit on by skeezy men!] and one woman who was a little too grabby and had about twenty years on me, but i rebuffed them all gracefully and managed to have a pleasant evening.

during the cab ride home, though, i had a mind-blowing exchange with the driver. he picked me up in front of Novak's, and right after he verified my destination, the following exchange ensued:

driver: that's one of those bars where women don't like men, where they beat up their men, right?
me: what? i've never seen a woman beating up on a man there, or anyone beating on anyone else.
driver: i mean, it's one of those bars where women hate men, right?
me: it's a lesbian bar. most of them don't hate men, they just prefer to date women.
driver: you know, i was just joking around with you. [laughs]

NOT FUNNY. i had no idea what to say. i was just...speechless.

Friday, April 25, 2008


i have never been so unprepared in my life as i am for this copyrights final today.

it'll be a miracle if i don't fail.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008


overheard in chicago for the win this morning:

Guy #1: "So you know when we inevitably get gay married out of boredom and loneliness?"
Guy #2: "Yeah."
Guy #1: "Will we sleep in the same bed? I mean we don't have to have sex or anything, I'm just wondering if we'll sleep in the same bed."
Guy #2: "Sure. I don't want to be one of those crotchety old couples that sleep in separate beds."
Guy #2: "Plus, why wouldn't we have sex."

that made me crack up. :D

Monday, April 21, 2008

dog balls? no...truck balls.

some people are special. an article on above the law this morning has convinced me that people are more special than i have ever given them credit for.


apparently, there is a fad down there called truck-nutz. that's right. people like to hang decorations from the backs of their trucks, decorations that look like testicles.

seriously? who would want that hanging from their truck? that's just ugly.

also weird:

instead of addressing Real Legislative Concerns, the florida state legislature is hotly debating a measure that would subject drivers with truck-nutz to $60 traffic tickets. the people who support the measure think they're fact, vulgar enough to justify using law enforcement resources to ticket people who have them on their vehicles. [although, for the record, they remind you that you can breathe easy if you have stickers that depict a guy pissing on something--only ornaments that actually show genitalia will be subject to tickets. phew. that's a relief.]

the people who oppose the measure either think there are better things to do...or, they are state senators who actually have put truck-nutz on their truck.

the idea of putting these on your truck is bizarre, but i can't decide what's weirder--that, or the fact that lawmakers actually want to spend valuable debate time discussing whether truck-nutz should be punished, and that some lawmakers actually think it's worth the cops' time to ticket people for having fake balls hanging from their trucks.

periodic table love

my friend just sent me the best picture ever. a word to the wise: if you ever want my undying love, or if you just really, really want to get into my pants, make me this:

i'll be putty in your hands.

Sunday, April 20, 2008


i want to cry. the website i wrote about back in november, with king wing the stl baby daddy, appears to be gone!!

this can't be happening. that site was a masterpiece of unintentional humour.

Friday, April 18, 2008

i'm losing it...

...clearly i'm going crazy if i get home after a long day of paper writing [and then a bit of post-paper beer drinking...], i take out my computer, boot it up, and say to myself:

"yay, it's the weekend! that means i can boot into linux instead of windows!"

*hides face*


i woke up this morning, logged onto facebook...only to see status updates from friends all over the midwest talking about an earthquake.

i slept right through it, but apparently there was a 5.2 quake last night, centered in illinois, and you could feel it in st. louis.

i've always been petrified of earthquakes, but i'm a lot less scared of them now that i slept right through this one.

Thursday, April 17, 2008


Wash U turned part of the quad into a petting zoo today.

it was awesome. i was walking from the law school over to the undergrad library, because the undergrad library has very cozy chairs and i wanted to take a nap. in the grass by the library i saw a llama, a donkey, a calf, and a camel.

they were so cute...especially the fluffy little llama. i wanted to take the llama home with me.

i refuse to be pecked to death!

i saw this picture in cf_hardcore:

i want this sign.



the chicago location of Ian's Pizza is opening in june!!!

i know, i know, it's not chicago pizza. it's a madison thing. but, the idea of being able to get macaroni and cheese pizza whenever i want, without having to truck myself up to madison, makes me super happy.

mmmmmmm. Ian's Pizza.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

nothing in particular

argh. i can't have a coherent thought to save my life. so...a few observations on a few unrelated matters.
  • yesterday choir superlatives for the year were given out. i got two of them...neither of which are probably a surprise to any of you who know me. i was most likely to start a professional rock band...and most likely to be hung over the morning after the choir overnight trip. [for the record, i was really hung over on that's a bad, bad, horrific idea to play "i never" in a roomful of people younger than you are. trust me on this one.] there was also a rather amusing juxtaposition of awards. some people apparently thought it would be funny to award "most likely to come to practice and not sing" to the entire alto section...and then the alto section also won the award for best attendance this year. [for the record, it's not true that we don't sing! we do sing! and well, if i may say so myself! :) ]
  • the legal research paper due friday is not going all. i just can't motivate myself to work on it. it means i'll be up most of the night tomorrow working on it, since it's due friday afternoon at 5...but hopefully once i start feeling some time pressure on it i'll be able to get some good work in. let's hope so...because my entire grade for this class depends on this one paper. not that i'm afraid of failing as long as i turn something in...but i have forty-nine hours to eventually make fifteen pages about How To Research Some Topic Of My Choosing appear. i've chosen a topic and done some very cursory research...but that's about as far as i've gotten, because i really don't care yet.
  • the linux experiment is going well. so far, i've been spending far more time screwing around with ubuntu than i have spent studying for my finals. this is probably not the right thing for me to be doing, but it's far more fun. even running through wubi, and not installed in its own partition, it runs faster than windows xp--and i can hang onto a wireless connection at school far better from there than i ever could from windows. i can't wait for finals to be over...methinks when finals are over, i will turn this into a dedicated linux box. i'll need windows to take the bar from, but since i'll have to get a new computer for that anyway [since i don't trust taking the bar on this one...], these finals will be the last time i'll really need windows on this thing.
okay, methinks it's time to rinse the blue dye [yes, my hair's blue again] out of my hair, and then maybe take a nap, 'cause i r tired.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

happy tax day!

i just filed my taxes. this makes me feel really, really productive.

i know i should have done it before April 15th. i know i should have done it earlier, so i could have spent my mid-day hours doing things like "going to copyright class" and "working on my Research Log On Crack that is due on friday." but, of course, i waited 'til the last minute.

it was weird. i owed Illinois, but the feds owed me.

oh well. at least i've finished all the annoying paperwork. i have fulfilled my obligations to the general treasury, and i can go on with my life.

Monday, April 14, 2008

vital information

if you google the more she drinks the better you look, this little blog [or, at least the LJ copy of this little blog] is the #1 hit.

cheap! cheap! fun! fun! indeed.

bad puns for the win, always and forever

i like this morning's Dinosaur Comic far more than i should.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

advertising gone wild

i'm watching Rock of Love, and just saw an ad for AT&T Wireless "GoPhone" pay-as-you-go service. the ad was a bad knock off of the "sleep on it" section of "Paradise by the Dashboard Lights" by Meat Loaf. i wasn't looking at the screen, but looked up instinctively, just to see.

it was a father singing to his son that sure, he'll get the GoPhone.

and the father looked kind of like Meat Loaf.

so i googled it.

the father was Meat Loaf.

and the mother who peeped in briefly?


i'm going to go cry now.


oh, the internet is a screwed-up place.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

boring computer blather

my computer likes me a lot more today than it does yesterday.

i've had an idle curiosity for a while to screw around with linux on my computer...but i'm a total noob when it comes to computer stuff other than websurfing, email, and other common applications-type pursuits. i didn't trust myself to partition my hard drive and all that gobbledygook.

i found out a couple days ago that one of the flavours of linux, ubuntu, now has a windows-based installer...which allows you to install it and uninstall it as if it is an application. it runs a little more slowly than if it were installed as an OS, but it's good for messing around, and enough for me to learn some stuff about running linux and to give me an idea if i like it or not.

i'm not willing to do anything resembling wiping my hard drive or making major changes to it this close to finals. that would, clearly, be a bad idea since i'm not a computer geek goddess. i don't have faith in myself to fix things quickly or efficiently if they go wrong. so, the windows-based installer was a rather exciting find.

but yesterday, it wasn't working...i burned the CD image, but during the installation i hit a problem that i had no idea how to get past. it just wouldn't let me past one of the stages of the installation. luckily...i got it to work this morning thanks to helpful people on the ubuntu forums pointing me to the right place of the bug documentation.

i felt stupid, but at least i got it to work. it's not like there's fully coherent documentation yet; the version that you can install this way is still in beta, and will be for the next two weeks. it is probably a bad idea for a computer idiot like me to use anything "beta", but we'll see how this works.

so, long story short...the first episode of the persecuted crack smoker's Big Linux Experiment, installing it, is now a success.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

fantasy fishing?

most of the signs they post near the student centre make sense. there are a bunch of ads for concerts, movers, student events...the usual bevy of advertisements peppered around a university campus.

then, there are some signs with Hulk Hogan pointing forward with one hand, and with a bunch of cash clenched in his other fist.

why in the world were there posters with Hulk Hogan on them? was there going to be a local casting call for American Gladiators? was VH1 doing another reality show with Hulk Hogan? was there going to be some kind of professional wrestling event in town? whatever it was, it had to be awesome, or at least really campy.


it was an ad for fantasy fishing. you read that right: fantasy fishing. like, you pick a team of professional fishermen, and you can win money if your team fishes better than other people's teams. fantasy. fishing.


i don't know what's worse...that once bad-ass Hulk Hogan has been reduced to stumping for Fantasy Fishing, or that people may actually play it.

ink geek.

i'm fascinated by Carl Zimmer's Science Tattoo Emporium. it's a blog created by a science writer that showcases different science-related tattoos. he aims to post a different one every day. some are cooler than others...i'm far more into the chemistry and physics tattoos than i am the biology ones, for obvious reasons. each picture also features an explanation, submitted by the person with the tattoo, of what the tattoo means and why they decided to get it.

i just found the site today, and i'm in the process of flipping all the way back to the beginning, page by page, to see all the neat tattoos he has on there. some of them are really creative. some of them are just really nerdy...there are a few periodic table-themed tattoos on there. those make me happy, as i've been a big fan of the periodic table since i was a small child.

i highly recommend this.


it's been a long time since the onion made me cackle with laughter. they did it this week:

I Can't Imagine Why Anybody Would Want To Stop Crying

By Emmet Henson

Life has so many wonderful experiences to offer. Like sleep. Or ingestion and evacuation. But I find life offers few opportunities more rewarding than screaming like a maniac until your voice cracks with the strain, so that the entire universe can share in your distress. That's what life is all about, right? The sheer exhilarating thrill of nonstop crying at the top of your lungs. It's such an important part of why we are here—why would anybody ever want to do anything else?

Don't get me wrong—I like squirming, drooling, and sporadically attempting to focus on colors and shapes as much as the next guy. But of all the various activities one can choose to pursue in life, crying is tops as far as I'm concerned. In my opinion, I find nothing is more fulfilling than a good steady holler. It takes no experience to begin, and within moments, all one's needs are instantly met! It's my favorite part of the day.

Heck, I'm crying right now!

I suppose some people might enjoy wasting their days with sleep or gentle cooing, but not me. No, sir. Not when there's all that fantastically loud crying to do. In fact, I love crying so much, sometimes I wish I could be awake 24 hours a day, just to hear the crying I miss out on hearing when I am asleep. I mean, I assume I cry in my sleep, too. Whoa. There's a strange thought: What if I stop crying for a moment when I'm asleep? That would be tragic.

Yes, there's nothing like a good, healthy, air-raid-siren-style bellow to renew one's red-faced passion for living. What you want, I've found, is to pitch your voice at about the decibel level of your standard jet engine and then hold it as long as possible before taking in air. That's the sweet spot right there. That's the ideal volume for a good cry—the kind of crying that isn't so much melancholy or sorrowful as it is a full-throttle roar of earsplitting shrillness.

It's so easy. Getting started can be as simple as being startled by your own hand.

In my opinion, anyone who isn't screaming his lungs out is just letting life pass him by. You'd think, after seeing how happy crying makes me, people would follow my example. But all around me there are tall, shadowy figures who seem to actively avoid the most pleasurable part of existence. Everywhere I look I see them: standing behind my stroller as they walk around town, or leaning in over me in my crib and making faces. Whole loads of people, not crying. Don't they realize what they're missing?

Look, I'm not a purist. I understand there are times when it might be perfectly acceptable to stop crying. Like when something is placed in your mouth for you to suck on. Or when somebody jiggles you for 40 seconds. Both are perfectly understandable and justifiable reasons to stop crying momentarily. But to be completely silent for more than, say, a minute? That's just crazy.

Take my parents, for example. If it wasn't for my tireless efforts, they'd sleep through the night! Can you believe it? I don't think it's because they're too old—I suppose I don't know how old they are exactly, but I can't imagine it's any more than, say, one. They've still got plenty of life in them. Yet they hardly ever cry, and when they do, it's usually softly, in the middle of the night, and exhausted-sounding. What happened to their lust for life? Don't they realize that every moment they waste sleeping, fiddling with the car seat, or holding picture books in front of my face is precious time they could be screaming their heads off?

How can I get them to embrace life and really make the most of wailing like a mythical banshee for hours on end?

I just don't understand these people—and not only because I have yet to grasp the concept of others as separate selves outside of me. Don't they know that all they'd have to do is take a good deep breath, let her rip, and the air would be filled with glorious noise? They can't be having a good time just sitting there, grinning slightly, and communicating through facial expressions and this bizarre series of coded grunts I have yet to decipher.

What do they spend their time doing? Comprehending spatial relations? I'd die of boredom in a minute. They must've been young once. Surely they can still remember the good times they had, splitting the very air with sonic knives of nigh-unendurable intensity. I would hate to think that someday I might be so jaded and cynical as to turn my back on wriggling and panting for breath, using every ounce of my being to emit a general, undifferentiated distress signal to all within earshot.

Spending entire days without crying? Why, it goes against the very thing that makes us human.

God, I hope I never become like them.

the more she drinks, the better you look...remember to drink responsibly!

this morning rules.

why does this morning rule?

becuase they finally have a Dirt Cheap ad on YouTube!

i love Dirt Cheap ads. Dirt Cheap is a liquor store in the st. louis area. they run these hilarious Bad Locally Produced Ads on television, featuring the owner [Dirt Cheap Fred] and the Dirt Cheap Chicken. this blog's name, "the last refuge of the persecuted crack smoker," is a takeoff on one of their taglines, which refers to Dirt Cheap as "the last refuge of the persecuted smoker." "cheap! cheap! fun! fun!," the subheading on the blog, is their slogan.

in short, i love these ads, and i'm so glad there's finally one that i can post here. you can all finally revel in the amusement of these ads that i have loved for so long.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008






Monday, April 07, 2008

a letter to the MPRE

dear MPRE,

i know you like having power over me. i know you like making me feel stressed-out, confused, angry, and down on myself. but, you can do this no more.

despite the fact that i was no more ethical in march than i was in november, i have passed you. i have passed you with a score that will allow me to practice in any state i want. i have passed you, and i will never have to face you again.

no love,
the persecuted crack smoker


i was so busy this weekend that i didn't have time to write anything here. it was an awesome weekend, though...i was at college mock trial nationals. i saw two really good rounds: Ole Miss versus Northwood, and Chicago versus UMKC. i also worked in the tab room all four rounds, which was really exciting. i love working in the tab rooms. it's fun to talk to all of the professors and coaches who work in it, as well as the ones who randomly drop by to say hi every so often. it's a great way to see people i know, and a great way to meet new people around the mock trial circuit. i also really enjoy the work of the tab room: i like the frantic excitement of when the blue ballots come in, trying to get them added up and paired correctly as expediently as possible. i realise my love of mock trial tab rooms makes me a huge nerd, but i embrace that. :)

there was some more extracurricular fun [read: non-mock-related adventures with mocker friends of mine] this weekend, but i'm too tired to string words together in an amusing manner, so i will be writing about that later. :)

Thursday, April 03, 2008


i'm finally starting to feel like a human being again, but i'm still not quite there. hence...more bullet points!
  • environmental moot court is finally out of my hair. the semifinals were tuesday night...and i was worried we may make finals, because my team did quite well. however...we didn't make the finals. i was so relieved to get that email a couple hours after the semifinal--because it meant that all systems are go for the trip to the Twin Cities this weekend!
  • Kat and i have a supersweet king suite for this weekend. this will be awesome, if past history is any indication. we had a supersweet king suite to ourselves two years ago at gold in Des Moines, and we had more fun there than should have been allowed.
  • i think i'm going to have to get a new computer sooner than i planned. i definitely wanted a new one before the bar exam, because i don't trust taking the bar on this three-year-old box. but, i was trying to take my fed jur take-home midterm, and it was impossible to type quickly. between my computer liking to lock up every so often and the fact that my space bar broke about a month ago [and i have to put it back in place every couple seconds, or minutes if i'm lucky]...i don't even think i can take a three-hour final on this thing. i have to make my choice soon, since April 18 is the deadline for downloading final exams, and i have to have whatever computer i'm taking it on by then, to download it. this is frustrating...i really don't want to plunk down the money or deal with transferring everything to a new computer, but this thing has been dying for months, ever since October when my wireless stopped working in some circumstances. time's ticking, and i have to decide what i'm going to do.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

black hat for the win.


he got his hat back. the world has regained equilibrium.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008


the preliminary rounds of the environmental moot court competition were last night. since i've got a midterm in federal jurisdiction due tomorrow, i was really, really hoping to be done after the preliminary rounds. i kept my hair bright purple. i read back over my brief and my notes, skimmed the record, and that was about it...i didn't want to sound like enough of a dumbass to fail the course, but i didn't particularly want to break. i did nothing in preparation for my off-brief argument--i just went up there and ranted for fifteen minutes.

the last two intramural moot court competitions i did, i worked my ass off for the prelims. i never broke to the elimination rounds.

this morning i found out that i broke to semifinals of this competition.

maybe it's because it's april fool's day? i don't know. apparently, life just enjoys fucking with me.