Tuesday, February 12, 2008

failing at life


any impulses of productivity that i felt the first week or two of class have all dissipated. i know i'm less motivated than i was my last semester of high school. college? that, i don't know. i was pretty checked out my entire last two years of college, checked out of everything that didn't involve mock trial or going to parties. i think that's why i feel less motivated now than i did then. at least i had one thing that consumed my life. now, i've got one thing that i'm doing that i absolutely love...the choir. but, it doesn't take over my life in the same way that mock trial did. it meets twice a week for two hours, and doesn't involve a large amount of outside work or preparation like mock trial did.

i wonder if i'd have it in my to be involved in anything that took a lot of time. i'm sure it's lurking somewhere...last spring between criminal justice clinic and trial team, i hardly had a free moment to eat, sleep, or even breathe. now, i'm doing almost nothing. i don't care about my classes. i haven't read the environmental moot court problem yet. i spend far too much time vegging out in front of a computer or in front of a television. i don't even go out as much as i used to...which is probably good, because i was probably going out way too much last semester.

still...this apathy and lethargy are making me feel really tired. i have no right to feel tired at all, because i'm not actually doing anything. but...i'm just tired, and i don't know what to do about it.

1 comment:

s. said...

i fail at life. dont worry about it, nicky.