Monday, April 30, 2007

there's a lot of talk on the internet about how humourously bad the "series of tubes" speech that ted stevens gave last year is. it's all well-warranted...it's a really stupid speech.

but, i've never actually seen anyone remark about the part of the speech that i think s clearly the stupidest, the part that clearly shows how unfamiliar that ted stevens is with the internet.

he remarks at one point in the speech about how corporate users are trying to stream "ten, twelve movies at a time...or a whole book at a time" across the internet.

are you thinking what i'm thinking? because i'm thinking that the text of a whole book would take up less memory and bandwidth than one movie, much less ten or twelve. (except for what, maybe the OED? even then, that won't be as big as TEN MOVIES STREAMING ACROSS THAT INTERNET!) every time i hear this part, i laugh, or at least stare agog at my computer. the way he says "a whole book at a time" in such a shocked manner, after rattling off comments about people streaming ten or twelve movies across the internet several times before in the speech just cracks me up.

a book? one book? taking up as much space in the computer world as a movie? as ten or twelve?

and this idiot is in charge of regulating the internet. i'm going to go cry now. or drink. or something.
i thought "jadroplov" was the only wesley willis song in which an accused criminal was found not guilty! i based this on my having been a wesley willis fan for almost seven years now, and having heard literally hundreds of his songs...i'm sure i've heard at least five hundred of his songs.

and i was wrong.

"john zooropa" is another wesley willis song in which the suspect was found not guilty.

not guilty of robbing wesley willis of $300.

i'm so hooked. i've been listening to his music for so long, and especially lately, over the last month or two, i've been listening to almost nothing but wesley willis. it just hit me yesterday how addicted i am to wesley willis' music...out of 11,760 people on last.fm who have listened to wesley willis in the past week, who has played the most wesley willis tracks? that's right...me.

and i've still barely scratched the surface. those five hundred songs or so that i've heard...that may be about twenty-two, twenty-three albums worth. wesley willis released over fifty.

and it is my goal to eventually own them all.

Sunday, April 29, 2007

as i've said before, i satisfy my train-wreck syndrome by reading fundies say the darndest things. many of the things are the same old stuff...lots of parroting what they're told to parrot, lots of speaking without thinking. very few of them actually shock me anymore.

this one today...it shocked me.

"[Can women preach in church?]

No!

The answer is no, but the word no has never stopped a woman before. Eve was told no and she did not take it as a no.
She was then told by God that since she did not listen that her husband will now be her head.

[...]

Now since you are young and I am old I will tell you something that few know and that is women and men do not hear the same word with the same meaning. God has set it up this way for His own reasons and I don't know why.
If you ask a women to defind the word FAIR she might say that all is equil. If you ask a man what is fair he might say I WIN AND YOU LOOSE, this is fair to a man.
So the bottom line here is a woman should not teach men, because their words mean different things.

The word NO to a man means just that. To a women it is never final."


holy misogyny, batman. (or, at least he is trying to convince us to believe that misogyny is holy.)

is he trying to argue that women should not preach because words mean different things to women than they do to men? why is that a reason that women should not be allowed to preach? let's assume, arguendo, that words do mean different things to women than to men.1

is he going to take it to its logical extreme, then, and force women not to listen to sermons at all, or read the bible at all? or, at least, is he going to force women to have to listen to men (husbands? fathers? preachers? who?) translate sermons and bible verses into woman-speak? will women have to go to separate churches, or be homeschooled by men in their religious education? because, if women are allowed into churches to hear these sermons and read that bible and interpret man words as woman words, before there's a man to set them aside and explain, word for word, what it actually means...it could be dangerous! she could misinterpret the word of God, and send her own soul to hell for eternal damnation, because she heard something in church, started to internalize what it meant to her as a woman, and the ambiguities weren't cleared up by a man soon enough to stop it from impacting what she believed!

and...the men shouldn't have to go to the church or the lessons for the women, to interpret the man-speak into woman-speak! they're men! they know the right interpretations of all the words already! it would waste their precious, manly time!

***
1 although i think his example of things meaning different things for women and men is a terrible one, it's not a terrible assertion that some words, and some concepts, often do mean different things to women than they do to men. but...it's not a function of God, or anyone else, saying that any gender's interpretation of a word is better than another. it's a function of psychology, and a function of women and men having different experiences in the societal structure. surely, though, gender isn't the only thing that affects what words and concepts mean to a human being. anything in their background may have an effect on how a person inteprets the world around them. i wonder what this guy would have to say about race, nationality, socioeconomic class, sexuality, and other factors as influencing a person's ability to "correctly" interpret the word of God. well...to say i wonder would probably be saying too much. i have a funny feeling that, if he were pressed on the issue, he would conclude that the affluent, white, straight, american, christian male has the right answer.
note to self...if danny donkey knocks on my door after i graduate school, don't take him on as a client. :)

Saturday, April 28, 2007

this song is ringing in my head right now, and it's three thirty in the morning, so i decided i would post it up here. it's a good bit of random, obscure chicago punk circa 2003 or so. it's bouncy (despite the subject matter), it's fun (again, despite the subject matter)...and it's just plain perfect.

i'd start drawing parallels between kyle and life during finals week, but clearly i can't do so...since i only have one final--that i started studying for a good four days ago--it really is the laziest finals week ever.

it's also the only song a band has ever dedicated to me onstage. i don't know what that says about me...but i swear, it's only because the lead singer knew that i really, really loved the song, that it was my favourite song of theirs.

i miss the burbanks. i really do...they put on some really, really fun shows.

"Hole in His Head"
by The Burbanks

kyle's got a hole in his head
(hole in his head)
kyle's got a hole in his head
(hole in his head)
kyle's got a hole in his head
(hole in his head)
kyle's got a hole in his head
(hole in his head)

he thought it would be fun
to go out and get a gun
and put it to his head
we're all sad kyle's dead

kyle's got a hole in his head
(hole in his head)
kyle's got a hole in his head
(hole in his head)
kyle's got a hole in his head
(hole in his head)
kyle's got a hole in his head
(hole in his head)

they found him lying on the floor
he had so much to live for
he was such a great guy
no one understands why
he did something he can't take back
they carried him away in a body bag
everyone's mad
everyone's sad
they didn't know today would turn out so bad

kyle's got a hole in his head
(hole in his head)
kyle's got a hole in his head
(hole in his head)
kyle's got a hole in his head
(hole in his head)
kyle's got a hole in his head

now he is dead
sigh.

it's 2:30 in the morning, and i'm no sleepier than i was when i got home two and a half hours ago. i'm too lethargic to do anything productive, like studying for crim pro or cleaning my apartment. all i can bring myself to do is post inanities on the stupidest message boards on the internet, or read computer stupidities for the fifty millionth time.

what is wrong with me? this is stupid.

Friday, April 27, 2007

i wrote this in my crim pro outline on tuesday night...and i think it's the best passage i've put into an outline, ever:

"generally, a defendant can only invoke the exclusionary rule to keep out evidence obtained through violation of his own rights—not someone else's (Alderman v. U.S.).

specifically, this rule holds for confessions. if Wesley Willis implicates Kris Kringle in a rash of stolen Studebakers during a non-Mirandized confession, it can be used in the trial of Kris Kringle."

i think i wrote this right after listening to either "i jacked your car" or "kris kringle was a car thief." or both.

***

in other news, i'm in a blissful state of concert hangover. my neck hurts from headbanging, my voice is ragged from singing and screaming, my ears are ringing, but i wouldn't have it any other way.

last night was the blue october show at the pageant...and it was fantastic. they are a band who is made to be seen live. they're quite good recorded, but live, the music is so much more raw, so much more energetic. if they come through town again, if i ever have the chance to see them again, i'm going--no matter what.

and, the lead singer has one of the sexiest, most amazing singing voices i have ever heard. tape, digital recording, whatever...none of that does it justice at all. it's always so wonderful, and so refreshing, to see a band who doesn't need sneaky little production tricks to sound good. it's always amazing to see a band who clearly realises that music is made to be heard live, and see a band who really can deliver the goods when playing live, with all the pretense of recording stripped away. i learned last night that blue october is one of those bands...they're one of the best live bands i've ever seen.

***

on a less specific, though still related, topic...i hadn't been to a real concert in way too long. i don't remember, but i think the last time i went somewhere for the sake of listening to some live music was back in september of 2005 (!), when i saw escape from earth at off broadway. this is a testament to law school eating my life...it's a testament to my inability to get around town late at night...it's a testament to me having neither the time nor inclination to go out and see live music...and it's a shame. i'm embarrassed and ashamed that it took me that long to get out to another show. i'm never going to let that happen again, because live music is good for me. it makes me feel good. it gets me back in touch with my emotions. it's something i need to shake me out of my automaton state...and it's a need i can't deprive myself of, like i did, any longer.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

are you bored? are you trying to study for finals? has it been hours since you've cracked a smile?

well, i have the cure...some extremely funny song lyrics. :)

yes, i know. hijacking airplanes isn't, in itself, a very funny topic. but, this is a fictional hijacking--there wasn't a guy named russell chintell who ever hijacked a plane. and, the way wesley willis phrased it, combined with wesley willis' lack of knowledge regarding arrest and criminal procedure...makes it extremely funny to me.

maybe this makes me a bad person, but i'm okay with that. enjoy.

"russell chintell"
by wesley willis

once upon a time russell chintell hijacked an airplane
he had a gun
he told everybody to get down on the floor
he is an airplane troublemaker

russell chintell
russell chintell
russell chintell
russell chintell

russell chintell, twenty-five, was arrested and charged with air piracy
he is a detroit bus driver
he had no business hijacking an airplane
russell chintell was being whisked away to federal jail by the fbi

russell chintell
russell chintell
russell chintell
russell chintell

russell chintell went to court
he was arraigned
he was brought to justice
but eleven weeks later a jury found russell chintell guilty of air piracy for hijacking an airplane
a month later he was sentenced to ten years in prison

russell chintell
russell chintell
russell chintell
russell chintell

rock over london
rock on chicago
arby's
different is good
my brain is rebelling against focusing any more on search and seizure for the time being. therefore, it's time for another installment of a grand persecuted crack smoker finals week tradition--memes!

this one was borrowed from squelch84.

1. Someone knocks on your door at 2 a.m., who do you want it to be?
the publisher's clearing house prize patrol about to give me ten million dollars, or amy lee (or someone equally hot) begging to screw me silly. unless it's a life-changing amount of money, or prospects for some really hot sex, it can wait until the morning.

2. Your boss tells you he/she will give you a $20 raise if you'll do your job naked, what would you say?
i'd say no...given that i'd probably get hauled off for both indecent exposure AND contempt of court if i did my job naked. and i'd probably never pass the character and fitness portion of the bar, which would make all this time in law school completely worthless.

i may be an exhibitionist, but i'm not completely dumb.

3. Put yourself in a nutshell?
i'm not in a nutshell right now, but i'm in a CrunchTime, and i've got a CaseNotes a few feet away. their format is a little more suitable to studying crimpro than a nutshell is, although that torts nutshell sure did save my booty last year.

4. Ever seen a ghost?
i've never seen one, but i sure did hear a ghost on multiple occasions when i lived in maclean, during the summer of 2001. that building--specifically the third floor ladies' room--is haunted.

5. Happy with your body?
pretty much...i wish my boobs were a little smaller so i could actually find bras, shirts, and dresses that fit, though. that really pisses me off.

6. A reason you would move to Illinois:
because chicago is the greatest place on earth?!?!? duh! (i'm moving back to chicago for the summer--and back there for GOOD in may 2008. thank goodness. this st. louis thing doesn't cut it at all.)

7. A place you've lived that you miss:
chicago. it's home. it's the real city. it's the place i truly love.

8. A job you would never do no matter how much you were paid:
anything involving regular contact with spiders.

9. A band you thought was cool when you were 13?
oh man, i listened to so little music when i was 13. when i did, i listened to crap like hootie and the blowfish, and celine dion. i didn't really see the light (specifically, that loud guitars were a good thing) until i was fourteen.

i sucked when i was 13.

10. You have a nightmare, who's the first person you think to call?
ghostbusters?

seriously, i'm not going to call someone late at night for something as trifling as a nightmare. i'll deal with it, roll over, and sleep some more.

11. Wanna have kids before you're 30?
nope. i don't want them at all. not now. not ever.

12. A memory from high school?
using a trapezoid to solve a physics problem involving vectors. i don't remember the specific problem, but i remember the physics teacher being impressed that i solved the problem in a way he never would have devised himself.

13. Ever had a crush on one of your friend's parents?
ewwww. no way. i prefer people about my own age, and i always have.

14. Naughtiest thing you've done at work?
spent meetings with a really hot boss fantasizing about how i was going to push him against the wall and start making out with him, instead of paying attention to Actual Work Things

15. Do you think you look like your mom or dad?
i really don't look the least bit like either of them.

16. Something you've always wanted to learn how to do:
play piano well with both hands...i can plunk out a line with one hand or the other, but not both.

17. Do you like babies?
nope. they scream too much, and they're way too dependent.

18. Where you'd like to be in 10 years.
i'd like to be living in chicago, practicing law, and getting tons of trial experience.

19. Something you learned about yourself this year:
no matter how hard i try, how much i insinuate...i can't singlehandedly change anyone's life. i can be a catalyst, i can help, but if a person doesn't want to change yet, they won't.

20. What do you want for your birthday?
i don't ever want anything for my birthday anymore, except for people to ignore it and forget it. i hate celebrations like that.

21. NAME THREE THINGS YOU DID TODAY?
1. slept in
2. went to voice lessons
3. started my crim pro outline

22. LAST ITEM YOU BOUGHT YOURSELF?
a cup of coffee

23. DO U HAVE AN ORNAMENT HANGING FROM UR REARVIEW??
that would assume that i have a car. i don't. so, i don't have a rearview from which to hang anything.

24. WHAT DID YOU HAVE FOR BREAKFAST?
nothing...i slept through breakfast

25. Name a celeb you love?
wesley willis. he was awesome.

26. NAME THE LAST THREE BANDS YOU SAW LIVE?
yikes. it's been embarrassingly long since i've been to a show...i don't actually remember. i need to rectify this fact when i go to chicago this summer.

28. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TIED UP?
yes. it's been way too long, though, and if someone doesn't tie me up again soon, i'm going to go crazy.

29. WHAT DO YOU WISH YOU WERE DOING RIGHT NOW?
after that last question, getting tied up. ;)

30. WHO'S THE FIRST PERSON IN UR PHONE BOOK ON UR CELL?
411...which is weird 'cause i never use the phone book for that. it's easier to just dial 411. but, it came preprogrammed in.

31. LAST TIME YOU WITNESSED A FIGHT?
about two months ago, those two barfights at Chazzez when i was there for karaoke

32. WHAT WAS THE LAST ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGE YOU DRANK?
some fat tire, when i was at blue hill last night

33. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HAIR PULLED?
i like not having enough hair for anyone to get a good grip on it

34. NAME THREE PLACES YOU WOULD LIKE TO TRAVEL TO:
1. antarctica
2. london
3. sweden

35. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO ICE SKATE?
yep...i'm not that good, but i can skate without falling

37. NAME SOMETHING THAT YOU LIKE THAT'S OUT OF THE ORDINARY?
peanut butter and mayo sandwiches...although it HAS to be jif and hellmann's, or else it just tastes bad.

where's no. 38? i can't find it!!

39. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF BRAD PITT?
he's not really worth thinking anything of.

40. Name a friend you have the most in common with...
the most in common? that would be like asking me what day of the week Giordano's makes the tastiest pizza. it's impossible to tell.

the kitten eated no. 41 as well! ohnoes!

42. Last person you talked with on the phone.
megan

43. DO YOU OWN ANYTHING WITH A SKULL ON IT?
my pirate hat and my pirate necklace

44. HAVE YOU TRAVELED TO EUROPE?
once

what? no. 45 is gone too? i'm getting cheated here!

46. LAST MOVIE YOU SAW?
jesus camp

two in a row, gone? wow. i should renumber these, but i'm too lazy...and i really should get back to my studying, right? right?

49. LAST BOARD GAME YOU PLAYED?
hungry hungry hippos!! they had it at happy hour on friday night. that's a really, really fun game to play after you've had a few brewskies.

50. EVER HAD A BLACK EYE?
somehow i've managed to avoid that experience so far. *knocks on wood*
alright. i have finally purchased study aids, cracked open a book, and started writing an outline.

finals season has begun.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

earlier this afternoon, i finally got the chance to watch the movie jesus camp. that movie made me so sad...it's a testament to how manipulable children are, and how willing certain people are to manipulate children to accomplish their own ends. the movie contained scene after scene of children being absolutely brainwashed...brainwashed in church, brainwashed by their parents, brainwashed by the summer camp, brainwashed everywhere. it makes me so sad.

issues and approach

the movie, generally, did a really good job of staying away from harping on one hot-button religious right issue or another, and focused more broadly on their tactics in sucking young children in. but, it did mention certain things. it mentioned evolution, it mentioned abortion, it mentioned homosexuality...although all of those were mentioned not as issues, per se, but simply came up as things that happened to be touched on during the persuasion and brainwashing process.

that was the key theme of the movie...what the religious right is doing to children, what a one-sided view of the world the religious right is giving children. the scene that mentioned evolution showed a mother homeschooling her child in science. what she said in that shocked me, not because of the point of view, but because of how she conveyed it to her child. she told her child what a bad thing it was that there were schools that taught evolution and insinuated that creation was stupid. okay...that's not a bad thing to say, as schools should not be deeming creation stupid. that's not the school's place. it's each person's place to reconcile science and religion, and choose their belief on the matter. what made me so mad was the next thing that the mother said in that scene. she asked her kid, rhetorically: what about a school that taught creation, and said that evolution was stupid?

she then proceeded to encourage her child in the view that a school that taught that viewpoint would be a good school, and that was the right thing to teach. i just cannot stand the thought that this mother actually espoused the idea that disagreeing with her belief is stupid, and that a school is within rights to call a belief opposed to hers stupid--and that a school was evil or bad for calling her own belief stupid. i would have been less bothered if she referred to evolution as wrong, and thought a school was okay to call evolution wrong. calling something wrong is...just less of a value judgment than calling something stupid. that's probably why it bothered me so profoundly.

this was the key theme of the movie: the brainwashing that goes on in the hardcore faction of the evangelical movement. people should see jesus camp simply because it portrays that theme so clearly.

a shame to be human

the one scene of the movie that just broke my heart happened pretty early in the part after everyone got to camp. they asked children to come speak in front of everyone, to confess their thoughts. this little boy, about eight years old, walked in front of everyone with a microphone in one hand, and a bible in the other. he was crying his eyes out. he confessed to the group that he found it hard sometimes to believe in God because he could never see him, and that there were times that he didn't believe that the bible was completely true.1

i just wanted to pick him up off the screen, pull him aside, and tell him that it was okay to have those feelings. i wanted to tell him how strong he was to have stepped in front of such a one-sidedly fundamentalist group and tell them that he was having questions. i wanted to tell him that a natural part of being human was thinking about his religious faith, questioning it, and having it grow and change with his experience and his analysis. instead, he has been raised to think that those are bad thoughts to have, that those are thoughts with which the devil is tempting him, and that he is less of a christian for having those kinds of thoughts. it made me so mad to see him up there, ashamed of his crisis of faith, because he was being raised in an environment that conceived of something so natural as deserving of shame.

justification?

the way this woman who runs the camp justifies her adamance for what she does to these children? she keeps ranting about how the muslims are doing the same thing, about how the muslims are sending their children to camps to learn how to be terrorists, to learn how to be warriors for their faith. but...that doesn't make it right! just because people of another faith are using coercion to dupe children into blindly obeying does not make it right for people of your faith to do the same, just to retaliate! she doesn't even realise that even though she is not giving her campers guns and bombs, that she is still waging a war on the souls and the minds of those children. she is not only forcing christianity on them, but forcing one brand of it upon them. she is giving them a one-sided perspective on the world.

between what she is doing, and what these children's parents are doing, and what these children's pastors are doing...all of these children are either going to go through their life blindly following this one path and inflicting it upon their children and their friends...or they are all going to go through a crisis when they find reason to challenge or question their faith, and have been raised to believe that challenging or questioning their faith is somehow unholy, and a risk to their eternal souls. they don't deserve that psychological torment.

a bit of humour

there was one scene in that movie, though, that cracked me up to no end: the one scene that mentioned homosexuality. the movie itself was distressing...and the comic relief was not intended to be such, at the time the movie was made. but, it was funny nonetheless...a somewhat welcome break of laughter, although laughter that i felt guilty for finding given that the movie scene was not thematically different from anything else in the movie.

it was after the camp was over. one of the children went with his parents to colorado springs, colorado, to attend a service at new life church.2

and there's ted haggard. there's ted haggard, preaching about the immorality of homosexuality, about how it is such a threat, and about how we need to have a good christian government that is going to stamp out such immorality, and turn this place into a good, heterosexual christian nation again.

***
1 i was really curious to see what the woman running the camp, or any of the other counselors, had to say to him after making that confession in front of everyone. but, that scene ended with him crying on the floor, in front of everyone. i'm not surprised they didn't bring a camera there...either because someone didn't allow it, or because the filmmaker used discretion and decided that such a scene would be too personal to film. either way, i can completely understand why the movie didn't show any of the aftermath of making such a confession before the group. but, i really wanted to see how the woman running this camp dealt with people who freely admitted that they were having such questioning thoughts.

2 i'm sure you know where this is going, and i'm sure you're giggling already, as well. trust me. as soon as they showed the words "colorado springs" on the screen, i knew where it was going. i was on the cusp of giggling, just hoping that the movie might not be about to so clearly serve irony on a silver platter. then, they did it. and i laughed, in spite of myself.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

dear anonymous member of fark.com,

thank you. i have no idea what moved you to buy me a month of total fark, but i appreciate it a lot. whoever you are, you rock.

sincerely,
frontrowgirl

Friday, April 20, 2007

it probably makes me a bad person, but i'll admit. i did it. my curiosity got the best of me, and i read the two plays written by seung cho, the virginia tech school shooter.

after reading them both, one overarching theme sticks in my mind. no, it's not violence, or disturbance.

it's the fact that he was an absolutely terrible writer.

the plays were just so juvenile. the stories were poorly paced...they jerked and jumped around, and neither story's plot flowed smoothly at all. they weren't interesting; they were actually quite boring. i finished them because they were short, and because i was curious, but that was it.

it was pathetic...were the plays a cry for help? that's the only explanation i can come up with for either of them. they were so full of profanity just for profanity's sake...and hatred for hatred's sake...and shocking lines just to show that he could, and did, write it.

maybe i'm overly cruel about them. maybe i should cut the plays some slack, since they were written by a college kid in a playwriting class. maybe i should be a little more sensitive, since the guy who wrote them snapped, shot over sixty people, and then turned the gun on himself.

i'll admit that they are important in shedding some light on the person who committed such a horrible act. but, they are not, and will never be, as important as literature. they're an ultra-violent, dramatic version of bad teenage poetry.
sometimes, when i'm really, really bored, and my train-wreck syndrome needs some serious satisfaction, i read fundies say the darndest things. it's funny, but in that really depressing way that makes you weep for humanity. it's a cesspool of quote after quote from people who pop off at the mouth (or, at the keyboard, as the case may be) about society's ills, hiding behind scraps of some faith that they've likely never thought seriously about or questioned.1

this post just about made my head explode. it was culled from christian forums, and it appears to be some person railing against the idea of voting for moderators on the message boards:

Come on people waky,waky Democracy comes from the devil, There is, no, repeat, no, room in gods house for democracy. Gods house is an army (the army of god) there is no right of voting under any circumstances. God says it, thats the end of it, either get into line or get lost, No army votes for who gets to be in command. God promotes and demotes but he alone makes these deccsions. So as far as this ministry goes god promotes and you tow the line, like it or lump it thats how it is.
To ask for a right of vote on mod's is showing a lack of spiritaul authority and matuirty so why would one want to consider your request, that's in like, of the devil saying, Eve, have you considered this.
I would piont out I am neither a supporter nor have any involvement with this ministry, other than recently signing on as a member.


my criticism here has nothing to do with the content or the ideas reflected. i'm going to stay away from that. but, the grammar! the spelling! the syntax! they're awful!

would it kill you to use spell check? i don't know what browser you are using, but if you use firefox, they've built spell check right in! if you type a word, and you see a red dotted line under it, it means you have probably misspelled it, and you may want to take a second or two to see if it's the word you want, right click your mouse, and replace it with something that is spelled correctly. just a suggestion.

and...apostrophes. use them. correctly. they're an integral part of english grammatical structure. if you are referring to the dwelling of your deity, it is "god's house"--not "gods house." without the apostrophe, it does not make any sense. on the flipside, you do not have a right to vote on "mod's." you elect "mods." you cannot vote on an adjective, you vote on a noun. you can use an adjective to modify a noun, even a noun describing something you are electing, but your preposition there needs an object. an adjective cannot be an object of a preposition.

really, that entire paragraph about voting on board mods is hilariously poorly written. he says, "that's in like, of the devil saying, Eve, have you considered this." i know what this guy is trying to do here. he is attempting to use a simile. but, he is failing miserably. "in like, of?" that's a poor construction, the likes of which i have not seen since fourth round in des moines, 2005, when the wash u mock trial team kept discussing the "if-but" standard of negligence.

finally, the last line of it just blows my mind. he asserts that he is not a supporter of a ministry, that he's not involved in a ministry...but he has recently signed on as a member? did i miss a memorandum somewhere, or does joining a ministry mean that a person supports it and has chosen to become involved in it in some capacity? the writer should get his story straight.

***
1 admittedly, this isn't true of all of the quotes that people post on here. as with any bulletin board-type compendium, some of the postings are reasonable, even thoughtful observations and opinions from religious people, which were posted on the boards by militant atheists who have no respect for a person's choice to belong to a faith. it annoys me when such quotes are posted, and deemed funny or heinous. but, in the balance, there are far more thoughtless rants on that site than thoughtful observations...and it's the thoughtless rants that feed my train-wreck syndrome.
so, that's it. as of 11am today, i have no more class for this semester.

it's weird. i don't feel that release at all. i don't feel like the semester is over. it's not even a question of finals...i only have one final, which i have a lot of work to do to prepare for it, but it's still only one test over the course of two weeks.

it's my clinic. i'm done with all my clinic hours; i completed that requirement last week. but, i'm coming in all through finals, and will probably work almost as many hours as i did, per week, during school. i'm even coming in, most likely, during the week between when finals end and when i start my job--i didn't plan to, i planned to get out of town early that week, but it looks like i'm going to be able to try a misdemeanour case on may 10th. as little time as that's going to give me to get settled in chicago before starting my new job in chicago on may 14th, i'm going to do it. that case which is going too trial is my baby. i'll give no real details on it since these are the nice, public webbernets--but it suffices to say that it's a trial i should win unless the finder of fact is smoking large amounts of crack.

i did have such a crazy day in court yesterday--my voice is still hoarse from all the talking i did. not only did i set that case for trial on may 10, but i did three preliminary hearings, and argued a motion to dismiss. (i was ready to go on a fourth, but the witness didn't show up, and it had to get continued. that was a bummer, because i was so ready to go on that one.) it's so crazy...earlier this semester i was flipping out about doing one preliminary hearing, and yesterday i did three of them--one of which was pretty well off the cuff, since it was an add-on case that wasn't originally on the docket in the first place, and we didn't get the police report until less than an hour before the hearing. i'm still not very internally confident in my ability to do that off the cuff, but apparently i must be faking that confidence rather well, and asking the questions that need to be asked. this clinic, more than anything else i've ever done inside of law school or out of it, is forcing me to become more like a lawyer. i'm only sad that i can't do it again next year...it takes up all of my time, it stresses me out, but it's work that i enjoy doing, and i'm getting a lot out of it.

nothing else is really going on right now...at least today's friday. class is over, so all i have left to actually do is give a tour to an incoming student at 2:30. the rest of the afternoon, i'm going to veg out at school. maybe i'll colour in that hello kitty colouring book that my friend and i got last week--it's funny how law school makes us revert to being small children. i prefer to think of it as stress release, although i know that denial is a far bigger element of that reversion.
a public service announcement:

the persecuted crack smoker ≠ an itinerant noodle vendor.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

usually, metaquotes is pretty funny. but sometimes, in a world of the general background funny, there is the funny to end all funny. the funny to shake the world to its very core.

four words: bohemian rhapsody. spider man.

Monday, April 16, 2007

i just stumbled across this in Nothing's blog. i think this word is fantastic, and needs to be adopted into my frequent vocabulary:

epiphanot:

An idea that at first seems like an amazing insight (at least to the conceiver) but later turns out to be pointless, mundane, stupid, or incorrect, and often is the root cause of bad decisions. Mostly occurs under the influence of drugs or alcohol.


i'd be a far better person if it weren't for my frequent epiphanots.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

i don't know what's wrong right now, but something is.

i'm being so frivolous. i have finals coming up. i have my final trial coming up for trial class. i can't make myself get any work done on any of that.

i have three more weeks left in the clinic, and all i can do is call myself an utter, complete fool for providing two free weeks of labour during finals week. when i'm saner, when i'm calmer, i love that work. but now, i'm tired. i'm so tired. i'm burnt out. i'm burnt out on the semester, i'm burnt out on st. louis, and i'm burnt out on being in school. i'm burnt out on being a law student. i'm burnt out on law school society...not in the sense of my friends, but in the sense of how insular it all is, and in the sense that law school society gets crazier and crazier the closer it gets to finals. everyone gets as burnt out as i am right now, everyone gets as stressed out as i am right now, and it's just weird.

i wish i had some kind of trip planned for the first week of finals, some kind of escape from the stresses of being a law student. even though that was a monstrously stupid thing for me to do last semester, it did a lot to help me release all the stress i was under. i just need to get out of here...out of this town, out of this life, just for a few days, before i come back and put 2L behind me for good.

none of this finals stuff hit me until today, or at least really late last night. the fact that it's hitting me should mean that i'm motivated to do work, instead of sit on my bum, gaze out into space, and write emo-kid blog entries about how frustrated i am with my life right now. but, that would be asking far too much.

in the words of the neighbour from beavis and butt-head: you know it, i know it, and the lord knows it.
*waves hello to all the people who have stumbled over here from xoxo*
there will be pictures of my tattoo in a couple of days...i want to let it heal a bit first, so it looks good when i show it off. :)
dear chicago tribune,
please keep posting gentoo penguin pictures on your website. they make me happy.
love,
me
mood music.

"sam's town"
by the killers

nobody ever had a dream round here
but i don't really mind and it's starting to get to me
nobody ever pulls the seams round here
but i don't really mind and it's starting to get to me

i've got this energy beneath my feet
like something underground's gonna come up and carry me
i've got this sentimental heart that beats
but i don't really mind and it's starting to get to me

now why do you waste my time
is the answer to the question on your mind
and i'm sick of all my judges
so scared of what they'll find
but i know that i can make it
as long as somebody takes me home
every now and then

oh, have you ever seen the lights
have you ever seen the lights

i took the shuttle on a shock-wave ride
where the people on the pen pull trigger for accolade
i took a bullet
i looked inside
running through my veins
an american masquerade

i still remember Grandma Dixie's wake
i never really known anybody to die before
red white and blue upon a birthday cake
and my brother
he was born on the fourth of the july
and that's all

so why do you waste my time
is the answer to the question on your mind
and i'm sick of all my judges
so scared of letting me shine
but i know that i can make it
as long as somebody takes me home
every now and then
every now and then

you know i see london
i see sam's town
holds my hand and let my hair down
rolls that world right off my shoulder
i see london
i see sam's town
i've been thinking about it for six months, and i finally did it yesterday: i now have the chicago flag tattooed on the back of my left shoulder.

it's shiny.

Friday, April 13, 2007

by popular demand (or, more accurately, by the request of liz, which has as much sway as popular demand), here's a link to my first advice column.

enjoy it...or blast me for it. either way. :)
Not Shiny: i dropped my cellphone in some water last night. it turned off, of course, and wouldn't turn back on. this was bad...of course...i had never heard of a cellphone recovering from being fully immersed in water, and was resigned to going to the cell phone store after CJA, to buy a new phone lest i'd be incommunicado for the weekend.

Shiny: hilary's hairdryer, and a night to air dry. my phone is working this morning! HOORAY!!!! i don't have to buy a new one!

somehow, it seems to have worked out.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

i swear, i'll stop posting so many memes as soon as there stops being such a burst of fun ones.

this one was ganked from Allison...and it's all about bad movies. you love bad movies, right? well...this meme is about movies so bad that the previews are enough to make you wonder what kind of an idiot greenlighted it.

Below: The 100 Worst-reviewed Films in History from rottentomatoes.com as of 10 April 2007. In RT's history, anyway; every film on this list has been released since 2000. (In other words, when you're confused, it's always the remake.)

Bold the ones you've seen.
Italicize the ones you will actually admit to liking.

100. Catwoman
99. A Man Apart
98. Norbit
97. Slackers
96. Say It Isn't So!
95. Taxi
94. I Dreamed of Africa
93. Juwanna Mann
92. First Daughter
91. Urban Legends: Final Cut
90. Grind
89. The Number 23
88. Elektra
87. White Noise
86. Darkness Falls
85. Gods and Generals
84. Kangaroo Jack
83. Stealing Harvard
82. Premonition
81. A Sound of Thunder
80. The Skulls
79. Man of the House
78. Underclassman
77. Venom
76. My Boss' Daughter
75. The Order
74. Gray Matters
73. See No Evil
72. Out Cold
71. The Wash
70. Basic Instinct 2
69. Dragonfly
68. Surviving Christmas
67. Lost Souls
66. The New Guy
65. Boat Trip
64. Date Movie
63. Deck the Halls
62. Chill Factor
61. Ultraviolet
60. Undiscovered
59. Jawbreaker
58. Stay Alive
57. I Still Know What You Did Last Summer
56. Doogal
55. Gigli
54. Because I Said So
53. Envy
52. Yours, Mine, and Ours
51. Johnson Family Vacation
50. Cheaper by the Dozen 2
49. Glitter
48. Summer Catch
47. The Adventures of Pluto Nash
46. Extreme Ops
45. The Forsaken
44. Universal Soldier: The Return
43. Material Girls
42. Yu-Gi-Oh: The Movie
41. The Fog
40. Supercross: The Movie
39. Code Name: The Cleaner
38. Big Momma's House 2
37. Swept Away
36. Corky Romano
35. Serving Sara
34. The Perfect Man
33. Texas Rangers
32. BloodRayne
31. Soul Survivors
30. Darkness
29. The Mod Squad
28. My Baby's Daddy
27. The In Crowd
26. House of the Dead
25. Down to You
24. Happily N'Ever After
23. Fear Dot Com
22. Son of the Mask
21. Bless the Child
20. Rollerball
19. The Whole Ten Yards
18. Christmas with the Kranks
17. Baby Geniuses
16. The Covenant
15. Deuces Wild
14. Battlefield Earth
13. Epic Movie
12. Godsend
11. Zoom
10. Half Past Dead
9. The Master of Disguise
8. Twisted
7. National Lampoon's Gold Diggers
6. Super Babies: Baby Geniuses 2
5. King's Ransom
4. Pinocchio
3. Crossover
2. Alone in the Dark
1. Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever


yep. i'm not lying. i've seen exactly zero of these movies. anyone who knows me well at all knows this is not me covering up for a terrible taste in movies (as evidenced by the fact that i freely admit to the fact that i love the movie Cop Land), but it's just that i don't watch all that many movies.
hey look! it's moral orel! the persecuted crack smoker's favourite persecuted crack smoker!1

Moral Orel




taryn gets many cookies and shinies for linking me to this video.

***
1 yep, he's even funnier than the bait car crack smoker, who is still really, really funny--my second-favourite persecuted crack smoker.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

i had course registration this morning...i got most of my classes, but i'm frustrated.

i'm still really, really mad about negotiation. i clicked on it...and waited...and waited...and after chugging around for about half a minute, my computer returned a "database error." i knew i was screwed, but i tried again. it chugged away for about fifteen seconds...and then proceeded to tell me that i was twenty-second on the wait list. TWENTY-SECOND. at about 7:32 a.m. twenty-second on the wait list. if it hadn't been for that database error, i'd probably be in the class, and not have to worry about the wait list. i'm really, really mad at webstac for that one.

i did get the rest of the classes i wanted, though. i am currently signed up for:

  • Trusts and Estates with Moore (yeah, i know it's an 8am class...but it's going to be the funniest class in law school. i won't miss it, even for a terrible schedule time.)
  • CJA 2 with Goldwasser
  • Incarceration with Schlanger
  • Advanced Trial with Newman (note: if i blather a lot about med mal next semester, this class will be why. it's a med mal themed advanced trial class.)
  • Practical Ethics of Civil Litigation with Bresnahan
  • Wiley Rutledge Moot Court (yes, i know. i posted here before that you were all supposed to slap me if i ever insinuated that i would do a moot court again. but...my moot-court-aficionado friends--i'm looking at you, Roxy and Katie!--were so right. brief writing blows, but oral arguments are like crack. yes, there will be lots of bitching next fall when i'm writing that brief. but, the oral argument was so much fun, and i'm officially hooked.)

i hope i get into negotiation, though. i only want to take 12 credits next spring, which means i have to take 16 in the fall. if i don't get negotiation, i'm only taking 15, which means i can't minimize the schoolwork i have to do my last semester in law school. that would be suboptimal.

one thing i am considering is switching around a little bit...maybe dropping ethics of civil litigation and replacing it for a three-credit class. but, if i did that, i'd probably have too many finals...i'll already have a final for CJA 2 (probably, anyway...the course guide doesn't say, but i'm assuming that it's a final-exam class), a final for trusts and estates, and an eight-hour take-home for incarceration. my finals week next semester is going to be extremely unpleasant anyway. actually, i think next semester is going to be pretty unpleasant...my classes are going to be pretty interesting, but i'm going to be doing a lot of work. and, i know myself too well...no matter how hard i try, i burn out on doing work really, really early in the semester, and it all becomes a chore.

alright, now that i've outed myself to the entire interwebs as a lazy bum, i'm off to CJA...a class that proves the point i just made. it's fascinating, it's interesting...and i'm two months behind in the reading.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Dear Clinic Class,
Screw you. Because of you, i missed Madina Lake playing a free set at Vintage Vinyl at 4:30 today. Hope you're happy.
No Love,
the persecuted crack smoker
AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! dirt cheap finally has a website!!!

it's so low-budget it's funny...but that's of course the only way for it to stay true to the cheap! cheap! fun! fun! this has made my day!
here's another Brain In The Gutter moment, brought to you by the persecuted crack smoker.

i was doing some research about a change of venue issue. one of the parts of the case, State v. Felton, 803 S.W.2d 1 (Mo. 1991), said:

"MAI-CR 3d 300.04 requires the court to instruct the jury prior to the first recess or adjournment not to discuss the case or to expose themselves to publicity about the case, and to remind the jury of these instructions prior to every subsequent recess or adjournment."


the first time i read that paragraph, i thought it said something completely different. i pulled it back up and found out what it actually said...but when i first read it, i thought it said that the jury instruction required the court to instruct the jury not to expose themselves publicly during the case.

that's right. i wondered why the judge had to tell the jurors not to run around naked while they were on break from doing their civic duty. i wondered, becuase i don't see how the jurors streaking on their own time would prejudice the case one way or the other. it's just some nudity, right?

i'm relieved that the judge wasn't actually telling the jurors not to publicly expose themselves during trial. it's not his place. although...it sure would have been funny.
as of yesterday...i now have an advice column in student life, the wash u student newspaper. my first one is going to be published this friday...it'll run every two weeks for the end of this school year, and then either every week or every two weeks next year, depending if they can get a guy to write advice as well, or not.

the concept of giving advice on matters of sex, dating, relationships, and love amuses me to no end, since i have such a tendency to get myself into trouble. i like to think my tendency to get into trouble will help me write about what pitfalls are worth it, and what pitfalls are to be avoided.

this column is going to be a lot of fun to write. i haven't written for a newspaper since i was fourteen, writing sports and school news articles for the raleigh extra (a community weekly paper). this will be even more fun than that...instead of being constricted to write about stuff that happens, i'll be able to pick a topic and give advice about it for a page...or, hey, maybe someone might email me a question and i'll get to answer that! that's when i know i'll have made it, if someone actually ever emails me a question to write about in my column.

i'm so excited about writing this. :D

Monday, April 09, 2007

"somebody else's money" by the wallflowers is now fifteen years old.

so is "acting as your slave" by the verve pipe.

i don't care that i didn't discover these songs until they were five years old...that still makes it ten years ago that i first heard them. that's still a very long time ago.

i feel elderly. i'm going to stop blogging and tell all the whippersnappers to get off my lawn now.

Sunday, April 08, 2007

If you want a letter, comment. I'll give you one and you make your own post with 10 things you like starting with the letter I give you.

allison gave me the letter C, so here goes nothing.

1. criminal law: criminal law can be the saddest thing on the planet sometimes...there are extremely interesting stories, but so many of the stories are about people who have been completely downtrodden by society either acting out against innocent members of society, or being framed and cheated by more powerful members of society. but, it's fascinating. i love the stories. i love the ability to at least try and do something to protect the accused...protect their constitutional rights, and protect the fact that they are innocent until proven guilty. i'm still convinced that criminal law is my calling.

2. coffee: i love coffee. i'm drinking some right now. well...i don't know how much of my love of coffee is actually love, and how much is addiction, since i started drinking the stuff when i was ten. i had to get up at 5:30 a.m. for school--what else was i supposed to do? it became my crutch; at least it's a pretty tasty one.

3. Cold: Cold is one of my favourite bands ever. it made me so sad that they broke up...they were being such teases about it, i think they broke up and reformed twice, maybe thrice, before they finally decided to call it quits a few months ago. at least they left me with four albums full of great songs, and full of lyrics that often tell my story better than i can myself.

4. cold: cold weather is my favourite. bitter wind, snow, ice...i love it. it's one of the reasons i moved up north for college, the winter weather just being so gorgeous and fun. i find the heat and humidity to be so uncomfortable, and there's nothing i can do about it. the sunshine, the sweat...i can't deal with it. at least, if it's fifteen degrees outside and i get a little cold, i can toss on a scarf, a hat, or a coat. besides, cold weather is the only kind of weather where i can have snowball fights, and look at the picturesque, icy trees!

5. cheese: well...anything but blue cheese (sorry...it tastes like rotten soap!) or american cheese (or any of its pasteurized-process cheese food cousins like provel, because cheese food is not really cheese in any meaningful sense!). otherwise, cheese is awesome. especially extra-sharp cheddar...i want to go back to wisconsin and get some of that ten-year cheddar, the stuff i can only nibble in tiny bites because it's so strong and sharp. yum, yum, yum! i love cheese by itself, cheese on sandwiches, cheese in pasta, cheese on pizza, cheese in mexican dishes, cheesecake, cheese in almost anything. i just had a fantastic grilled cheese sandwich tonight...the coffee cartel has these grilled cheese sandwiches, on texas toast, with cheddar, provolone, and swiss. those things are so tasty.

6. Caroline's Spine: they're a great nineties band. i saw them in concert the summer before i started college, and they were absolutely amazing. they're really nice guys, too. they're a little softer than most of the stuff that i like, but they can tell a great story like almost no other band i know of...especially if it's a sad story, or a wistful story. monsoon and attention please are both great albums...i'd try to point out favourites for you to go listen to, but i'd be pointing out about half of each of the albums. they're that good.

7. cheaters: no, not the idiots that screw around behind people's backs, i don't like them very much. but, the tv show that sends private eyes after such lying asshats and busts them on national television? i love it it's bad television heaven. i know it's such trash, and that joey greco is such a tool, but it's so much fun to watch. it's one of those shows that never fails to boost my self-esteem. i still need to get the dvds of that show...especially since i don't so much have functioning cable, or television, at home, i haven't had my fix of that show in way too long.

8. coupland: douglas coupland, to be exact. he's one of my favourite authors ever. his books are pretty weird, but not flashy about it. his characters are people like me, people like i can relate to very well--they have flaws, all-consuming flaws, flaws that fit right into modern life, and may or may not have been caused partially by the circumstances of modern life. i especially love all families are psychotic and life after god, but i haven't picked up a book of his that i didn't like, and i haven't picked up a book of his that i haven't seen quite a bit of myself in.

9. cross-examination: it's just fun. i feel so much power when i do it...standing up in court, in the middle of a preliminary hearing, having that person up on the stand, asking them as many leading questions as i want to as i walk them into saying everything i want them to say. i have all the power. it's especially fulfilling this semester at the public defender's office, when most of the people i have cross-examined have been police officers. i have all the power. i can make them admit that they don't know everything. i can make them admit that they screwed up. the judge is listening. the prosecutor is listening. the gallery is listening. the witness is sweating. it is during cross-examination when i truly feel that the courtroom is mine, and mine alone.

10. chicago: did you *really* think i'd go through a list of things i like that start with c without mentioning my favourite city on earth? of course not. chicago is everything i want in a city. it's a huge city with everything i can ever want or need...a bustling downtown, fun and different neighbourhoods outside of downtown but still very near it, fantastic public transportation to get me anywhere in town anywhere i need to get there, and nice midwestern people. i can't wait to be there for work this summer, and i can't wait to move back there for good when i finish law school. i never thought i'd feel like any specific place was home, but chicago is it. chicago is home.
how in the world did i make it to the year 2007 without knowing that wesley willis wrote a song called "suck a macaque's dick"?!?! i knew he had songs about llamas...dobermans...caribous...rottweilers...cheetahs...but a macaque?!?! that's hilarious!!!

i'm gonna sit here in the coffee cartel and keep cackling now.
okay, between this site and this site, i have been reduced to drooling, squeaking, screaming, and otherwise expressing my glee in ridiculous and childish ways.

some of these songs i thought i'd never hear again. some of these songs, i didn't even know existed. this is the greatest day ever.

wesley willis, you really do whip a llama's ass.
i was going back and reading a really old post in a wesley willis-themed livejournal community. one of the comments absolutely cracked me up. someone said:

WESLEY!! He rocks like a masochist, even on the other side. xoxo

rocks like a masochist?!?! that's really funny, even though that's not what he says at all. he says--rocks like a magikist! magikist, as in the big magikist carpet cleaner company sign along the Kennedy expressway, up on the north side!



or, well, the sign that used to be over the kennedy. they tore it down, back in january of 2004. that is sad...that sign was really funny, and it always reminded me of wesley willis.

Saturday, April 07, 2007

this is a red line train to...

Your Emoticon is Shocked

Maybe you just heard some crazy gossip or saw a really gross website. Either way, the only thing not shocking is this result!


blow me, howard!
i have 69 eve 6 songs on my computer.

*snicker*

this is yet another reason why my iTunes library is better than your iTunes library.

***

on a completely unrelated topic, i'm dying to go out, but i don't know if anyone else feels like going out. i'm wearing my pirate corset, the one that laces up the front. i don't know what kind of trouble i actually want to cause, but i'm in the mood to cause lots and lots of trouble in my pirate corset.

suggestions are welcome. ;)

Friday, April 06, 2007

i hope this email exchange is a joke, but i'm afraid it is not. the don't ask, don't tell policy is insulting enough, but the fact that a military recruiter would use her professional position in order to interact this way with anyone is even more insulting.

yes, it was clear that the person who responded to the email was trying to bait her into a discussion. there's nothing wrong with that. she could have chosen to leave him alone. she could have sent a short email back to him saying that they still do not take out gay people, and leave it at that. she would have had no further obligation to continue talking to this man about the army. she could have dealt with the bait in a calm, professional manner, and she did not have to get into discussing any issues with him if she did not want to do that. it would have been her prerogative and her right.

what she should not have done is...well, exactly what she did. she tells him that gay people aren't qualified to serve in the military, and then goes off on an all-caps rant about how he needs to be so thankful for everything that the military does, that freedom isn't free and all that cop-out stuff? he wasn't trying to impugn the military, tell them that they're bad for doing things to defend the country. he wasn't bringing that up at all. he was bringing up the one military policy of not taking gays. later in the exchange, he did get snippy. that's true. but, it would take the patience of a saint for him not to get snippy toward the military recruiter after some of the extremely juvenile, heterosexist, jingoistic, and later racist comments that she was making to him.

it says at the beginning that she was reassigned. i know they never would actually do it, but i think this should be grounds for a dishonourable discharge. if we citizens are supposed to have such respect for the military, the military should be expected to treat the citizens with respect as well. if someone like this was a recruiter, was part of the public face, part of the public contact front of the military...i find that disconcerting, and i find that scary.

the military is publicly encouraging parents of potential recruits to be open-minded and proud about their child joining the military, and couching that in terms of encouraging parents to talk to the recruiters, ask them questions, and do research about the military to know what their child is getting into. if these are the kinds of answers that recruiters are giving people who are asking questions, it really makes me think that the facade of wanting dialogue about the military is just that--a facade.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

April is National Poetry Month. So when you see this, post a poem you like on your blog.

The Skink
by Ogden Nash

Let us do justice to the skink
Who isn't what so many think.
On consultation with a wizard
I find the skink a kind of lizard.
Since he is not a printer's whim,
Don't sniff & back away from him,
Or you may be adjudged too drunk
To tell a lizard from a skunk.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

who the hell am i?

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

this is hilarious. it's a guy getting busted for cheating on his wife, and then trying to justify why his cheating is okay. it starts out a little slow, with the setup of the bust, but once the wife and the husband are talking on the radio to each other, it is absolutely hysterical. i think my favourite line is when he says..."twenty-five percent of the time you are on the periodical anyway."

although, that call is not reason why he needs to go to a "better lover" seminar. it's a reason he needs to go to a "don't be an asshat" seminar. because, he's definitely an asshat.
survey ganked from Nothing...i couldn't resist posting it, because the result amuses me.

yes, i know. my mind lives in the gutter. :)

You Are From Uranus

You shine with brilliant creativity, and you're more than a little eccentric.
You love everything unusual and shocking. You're one far-out chick or dude.
Anything unconventional excites you - and you have genius potential.
Just don't let your rebel side get the best of you, or else you'll alienate everyone.
Your original thinking and funky attitude is all you need to be you.
what's worse? being a completely uneducated and apathetic voter, or abstaining from voting in an election?

today is election day...again. there was just a municipal election last month, and there's another one today. i've been paying no attention, as evidenced by the fact that i'm confused about there being two municipal elections so close together.

i feel like i should care. st. louis is not home, but it's where i'm hanging my hat between august of 2005 and may of 2008. i should care at least somewhat about local affairs, wherever i am living. but, frankly, i don't. i don't care a whole lot about what the st. louis government is doing, since i know i'm not staying past may of next year. i care about my friends, my school (well, some things that are going on at school), my job, my life...but i don't feel particularly plugged into the st. louis community. i don't have any roots here, and i don't plan on growing any. i can't bring myself to care enough to spend time getting familiar with local affairs and local politics, because it is such a temporary place for me. it's a selfish way to look at things, but it's how i see them. i feel like a bad citizen...but i don't feel like i'm in any place to voice my opinions when the fact remains that i don't much have them.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

sometimes the CTA Tattler is priceless. today is one of those days. i am now in love with Carole Brown, the chairperson of the CTA.

she was asking CTA people about three-tracking plans for special events such as the White Sox home opener. she proceeded:

"I don't know when the Cubs home opener is and I don't care."

i love her. not only is she in charge of the CTA, an institution about which i make no secret of my obsession, but she also cares about the Sox and not the Cubs. she knows who the real team in chicago is.
celebrityprankcalling.com is awesome. they put together clips of celebrity voices and make prank calls. this one is utter genius: it's dr. phil's voice, calling a grocery store clerk. it's beautiful, and had me rolling on the floor.

do you go into the store and steal groceries?
i'm feeling really grumpy and bitchy this morning, for no good reason at all.

i wish there was a song, something that someone else had written, that encapsulates how i feel right about now. but, there's not. then again, i doubt that even i could write a three or four or eight minute blurb about what's going on in my head right about now.

i had dreams last night. lots of dreams. weird ones, recurring ones. that never happens, at least in one night. i've never had the same dream over, and over, and over again in one night. that is, until last night. i went to bed around 1, and i got up around 10...and between 1 and 10, i woke up at least five times. the first time i woke up, i thought through the dream, and drifted back to sleep. an hour or two later, i woke up again, wondered why i had the same dream again, and fell back asleep. this happened again and again and again, the same dream, with the same characters, and the same thoughts as i woke back up.

i'm disturbed. i'm annoyed. i'm a little sad. and, i have no right to feel that way. i'm having one of those days in which i can't stand the idea of sitting around in my apartment alone, but i can't stand the idea of being around people either. i could fall asleep, but i'm not tired, and if i fall asleep i'm probably going to be taunted by that dream again. sitting down and doing some schoolwork, or some chores, may be good for me, but i can't get started on that either. i'm just sitting here, stewing in my own frustration and confusion. i'm trying to vent, and failing at it.
i can't believe barely legal is now over. that makes me really, really sad...it was so much fun, and as excited as i was to have the performance, now the performance is over. it went by way too fast.

i'll get to see it, at least...they taped it this year. i'm looking forward to that, since i missed the first act while waiting backstage (my skit was the last one of the first act). i've also never actually *seen* the skit i was in, given that i was on stage for it from beginning to end. i'd love to see what actually happened. i have a mental image about how it all unfolded, but i'd like to see how it actually looked, since sometimes my mental images can be pretty skewed.

i went to the party afterwards. it was the same place where it was last year...that basement, with the really low ceiling. i can't truly complain, since i could never actually provide anything better as a venue. (what? my 270 square foot apartment? yeah, right.) it was nice to see people after the show, but i ended up leaving pretty early, by about 12:15 or so. most of the people i hang out with at school either weren't there, or left really early. i mingled, said hi to everyone, and then walked home. it was kind of a long walk, maybe twenty-five minutes or so, but not a bad one. at least it's cool outside...the rain has stopped, the heat has gone down, it's actually pretty nice out there.

and there was the delmar hot dog man. i heart the delmar hot dog man. the hot dogs are really, really tasty. :)