Sunday, September 09, 2007

an open letter to robbers

dear robbers:

i'm not condoning crime, but i am going to give you a little bit of common-sense advice, just because i'm a nice girl like that.

when you're going to rob a place, be sure you know what you're planning on robbing. know what kind of establishment it is. know if it is a home, a bank, a store, or something else. know if it is something that you think you are going to be able to rob without being seriously physically harmed.

in other words, don't be like a recent would-be robber in colombia. for some reason unbeknownst to anyone who has the least bit of grey matter between their ears, the man tried to rob a karate school.

he is now, of course, in the hospital recovering from his injuries. this is the dumbest place i've heard of a robber trying to rob since i read in america's dumbest criminals about the robber who tried to rob a gun store in a concealed-carry state.

so, potential robbers, please learn this lesson--make sure you are not robbing a place full of people who will kick your ass. this will make you a happier, more successful robber.

love,
the persecuted crack smoker

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