Friday, August 31, 2007

how appealing.

alright, quiz time.

imagine you are jonathan lee riches ©. being jonathan lee riches ©, you file a nutty suit against lebron james, joe montana, tony montana, and a bunch of other people. that suit is nutty, really nutty. the suit is so nutty, in fact, that the federal district judge not only dismisses the suit, but also certifies that an appeal cannot be made in good faith.

what do you do?

a. drop this matter entirely, and file new lawsuits elsewhere.

b. file a new complaint that actually states a nonfrivolous claim.

c. call yourself "jonny sue-nami" and appeal the case anyway.

*insert jeopardy music*

if you answered c, pat yourself on the back. you are truly on your way to becoming a jonathan lee riches © ninja.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

another hero :)

stupid pranks...make life a thrill...and we have this boy to thank...

don't know where or when...this precious boy will strike again...


oh, justia news. i love you so.

you don't have everything...but you still have more jonathan lee riches © lawsuits. :) they're not new ones, but they're some oldies from last year, and just as crazy.

let's see...he sued dubya last year. he alleges that he leads a "vast conspiracy of uniform commercial code 'ucc' followers." i don't know what that entails, but they're probably the most curious cult in the nation.

he sued the military, alleging inter alia that american missile defense violates antitrust laws that protect the citizens' right to bear arms.

he sued the federal reserve, alleging inter alia that the fed was (also!) trying to take over the world in concert with...wait for, wait for it...the uniform commercial code. this guy's obsession with the ucc never ceases to amaze me.

and, just this week, he sued don imus--and alleges that he, himself, was a "professional entertainer who specializes in...identity theft."

(yes, you are a professional entertainer, but you specialize in funny lawsuits--not necessarily identity theft.)

no, i promise this blog is not becoming all jonathan lee riches © all the time. but, i will post here every single lawsuit of his i find. why? because they never fail to make me laugh so hard that i cry.


sometimes a blog says something so on-point, topical, and insightful that i can't add anything to it...i can only implore that everyone goes and reads it.

this is one of those times.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

omg mop handle assault!!!11!!1!

jonathan lee riches © has officially lost touch with reality. he's not even referring to himself as an alleged credit card fraudster in this one--he's now a blind, terminally ill wal-mart worker.

(many thanks to the anonymous tipster who told me about this case.)


i unlocked "beast and the harlot" on guitar hero!


that really is my favourite song on there...and i got 92% on my first try, on medium!

although, after playing that in addition to some of those really nasty seventh-level songs, my left hand is almost too tired to type, much less play any more guitar hero.

maybe i'll clear the rest of medium after class, given that i have an 8am class tomorrow and therefore no business actually going out tonight.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007


there was a very shiny overheard in chicago today:

Guy watching "Batman" being filmed: "Look! Batman!"
Drunk girl: "Let's go! Batman ain't gonna put money in yo' pocket! Batman ain't gonna feed yo' ass!"
Guy: Just hold on a minute."
Drunk girl: "You wanna fuck wid me? You fuck wid me, you fuck wid the ghetto!"
-Wacker Drive

drunk people crack me up.

i r not dum.

my legal ethics book is teaching me some earth-shattering things. it taught me that there are three branches of government: legislative (who makes the laws), executive (who implements the laws), and judicial (who interprets the laws).

it's third grade all over again. hooray, third grade!


fresh off the presses! just filed yesterday!

it's another jonathan lee riches © court document!

it's not a new lawsuit...but it's a motion for clarification in one of the michael vick suits. and, instead of calling himself "secured party" in the caption--he calls himself "crusader for truth." he claims for no particular reason that
"MCGRUFF TOOK A BITE OUTTA MICHAEL VICK." and, of course, it gets more hilariously deranged from there.

although, it's rather strange that he refers to himself as anything other than "secured party" in the caption...since he finally explains why he calls himself that. sort of.

i'm sure it makes sense to him.

an indecent proposition

would you like to be squicked out?

if so, go ahead. click here and read this. it's the police report from the larry craig incident.

but, if you don't want to have to run to the store and buy large amounts of brain bleach, i suggest you avoid.

i warned you.

Monday, August 27, 2007

ah, schadenfreude!

this day just keeps getting better.

first, alberto gonzalez resigned.

now? senator craig, the old republican stalwart, got busted for soliciting gay sex in a men's room.

of course, he's married.

when i was working for the brady center, he was the only senator out of all of them whose staff was mean to me.

it's nice to see him get his comeuppance.

*dances and giggles*

backup career plan #3

i have a new career possibility for if this law thing doesn't pan out--ESPN scrabble commentator.

tell me i would not be awesome at that.

a law school primer...

to all of you who are in law school, you've probably seen this before.

to all of you who are just's a little read in order to bring some realism to your life, and counterbalance all of the sunshine, rainbows, and utter whitewashed bullshit that you were undeniably fed during orientation.

and, to all of you 2Ls and 3Ls who haven't seen this can mourn the death of your bright-eyed, bushy-tailed 1L orientation selves.

about time!

ding, dong, the witch is dead!

well, by the witch i mean the attorney general. and, by "is dead," i mean "has resigned."

but it's still pretty shiny.

Sunday, August 26, 2007


i posted a few days ago about my usernames here and on LJ, and i had a request to explain something else--why my blog was called "the last refuge of the persecuted crack smoker." i've been tardy in getting to the topic...but here i go.

first of all...even though i refer to myself as the persecuted crack smoker occasionally, i don't smoke crack. i've never tried crack. i have no interest in smoking crack. crack is wack.

but, the blog name is an amalgamation of two things:
  • there's a liquor store in st. louis called dirt cheap. they have the greatest Bad Locally Produced Ads ever, including a guy dancing around in a chicken suit--the Dirt Cheap Chicken.1 their tagline is "cheap! cheap! fun! fun!" (hence the tagline on the top of the blog page on blogger, and on my user profile on livejournal.) and, they refer to themselves as "the last refuge of the persecuted smoker."
  • i like to joke around about crack. i like to tell people to stop smoking crack, and one night back in august of 2004, some friends and i started a thread on entitled "Stop Smoking Crack." sometimes friends have alleged that my body must naturally make crack, because i'm so consistently weird and crazy. i also like funny stories about stupid crack smokers.
my blog wasn't always called this. until the beginning of august, 2005, it was called "alone with all my wrongs"--a line from the song "letters" by stroke 9. but, i thought that title had become out of keeping with the actual material in my blog. it used to fit, really well--from summer 2003 until some point later. i realised by august 2005 that the name wasn't quite right. i was in a much better place in my life, i was moving to st. louis to start law school later that month, and i didn't quite think of myself as nearly the eternal screwup i thought i was in the summer of 2003.

the phrase "last refuge of the persecuted crack smoker" popped into my head one day when i was working at that awful library barcoding job and i was very, very bored. i was deciding between that and another name, "mississippi classroom"--a reference to "here's to the state of mississippi" by phil ochs. but, looking back, that would have been a misnomer for the same reasons that my old name was; according to phil ochs, "every single classroom is a factory of despair." blog wasn't a factory of despair anymore.

i posted both potential names up here, and one of my friends egged me on that i should really be "the last refuge of the persecuted crack smoker"--because i could be described as "cheap! cheap! fun! fun!" i can't quite that became the name of this little corner of the internet.

1 this is what i'm referring to whenever i muse that if i fail out of law school, i will be the dirt cheap chicken. that's still my plan b, if something crazy happens--i do have relevant experience, after being my mascot in high school!

wow, this dude is dumb.

setting off fireworks is fun, but some people are too stupid to do it, or to be anywhere near someone who is doing it.

someone was setting off fireworks where it was illegal to do so. a concerned citizen complains, the cops come, and the cops see a kid running into a house. the kid doesn't answer when the cops knock, so the cops get back in their car and stake out a block away.

the cops see a kid coming down the street. whether or not he was the right kid who set off the fireworks, he would definitely be the right kid to send to Stupid Court.1

the cops pull him aside, and accuse him of setting off fireworks. this smarty-pants responds that he deals drugs, but doesn't set off fireworks.

way to go, kid. didn't anyone tell him not to talk to the cops, and to invoke the right to a lawyer? either way, a person probably should not helpfully inform the cops that they are a drug dealer, since drug dealing is usually a worse crime than setting off fireworks.2 my goodness, i'd never think a persom would need a lawyer to tell them that, but apparently this kid was just too dumb to figure it out.

there's my helpful hint of the day. i know it's too late for that kid, but to all of my readers--you will be better off if you refrain from telling the cops that you enjoy peddling illegal narcotics in your spare time. :)

1 sadly, mel and i haven't actually started Stupid Court yet. but, when we's exactly these kinds of people who we shuld have on the show.
2 you should also probably stop getting high on your own supply. congratulations--you have joined george allen ward on the list of crack smokers who are too dumb to take refuge here. i don't care if it's crack you are doing, or something else...either way, you should lay off of whatever drugs you are on, and stop being so stupid.

too much.

i start school tomorrow. i just entered all of my reading for this coming week into my calendar.


why am i taking fifteen credits this semester? :(

Friday, August 24, 2007

flirting with sense

omg! it's a jonathan lee riches © lawsuit that almost makes sense! he's alleging that onstar...can track people...which makes sense!

but then he starts ranting that onstar is colluding with the uniform commercial code, and it becomes insane again. what IS that man's obsession with the u.c.c.? is he a disgruntled wulaw student who had a bad experience in his u.c.c. class? that would be almost plausible...


the persecuted crack smoker is back in business.

thank goodness.


i hate this st. louis weather. it's so sticky and humid and least it was 70 degrees or so all weekend last weekend.'s still really sticky in my apartment with the air conditioner running.

i know this is the most worthless blog entry ever...but i had to bitch somewhere when it's 1am, and it's too hot and humid to sleep.

i actually need to go to bed--i have an orientation event i'm helping with at nine forty-five tomorrow.'s too hot to sleep. :(

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

the crazy lawsuit czar

alrightie. either jonathan lee riches © is the craziest conspiracy theorist known to man, or he is using the courts as a heretofore untested medium for amazing performance art. if it's the former, he is probably extremely pissed off that they don't allow tinfoil hats in federal prison. but, if it's the latter, he is officially a genius.

(this is starting to remind me of the age old question of whether a urinal is art because some dude called it art. for what it's worth, i will go on the record to say that jonathan lee riches ©'s lawsuits are, in fact, art.)

i want to give very shiny objects to taryn, because she pointed out a treasure trove of this man's lawsuits. it turns out that the few that i have posted here (the defendant list, the first michael vick suit, and the barry bonds suit) barely scratch the surface. he is an extremely prolific author of pro se lawsuits. they're all handwritten, they're all crazy, and i can't stop reading them.

uniform crackpot code

i thought i had beef with the uniform commercial code. the ucc is extremely boring, and hard to make any sense of. i know this, because i had a secured transactions project at work this summer. my understanding of that body of law may still be pretty fuzzy, but at least it's not as fuzzy as jonathan lee riches ©'s conception.

first of all, as i mentioned earlier—he sued the ucc.1 he can't do that. he can challenge its legality, if he finds himself in the middle of a legitimate case or controversy arising under it in a jurisdiction where the ucc has been adopted. that's fine. but, he can't just sue a law.2 furthermore, it is simply not possible for the uniform commercial code to do things such as (to pick something at random) conspire with DEFCON to exploit your internet handle, gino romano.3

secondly, in many of his lawsuits, he refers to himself as “secured party.” this is okay if he were suing under the uniform commercial code to collect on a debt that had been secured by a uniform commercial code filing. then, of course, you are a secured party. but, you are not a secured party, and should not refer to yourself as such, if you're simply angry at the jewish mossad, the cia, and larry king live for conspiring to “hijack my torso, 3 toes, and my constitutional rights and ship them to a secret headquarters in Concord New Hampshire.”4

beggars can't be choosers

i haven't taken remedies yet. i probably won't, since it conflicts with another class i'd rather take. but, i know enough about remedies to know that if a plaintiff asks for monetary relief, the plaintiff doesn't write in the complaint the exact form in which he wants his cash.5 it is sufficient to plead an amount that surpasses the amount-in-controversy requirement for whatever court the plaintiff files in. the plaintiff especially should not request the following kinds of monetary relief, for fear of exposing himself as a crackpot named jonathan lee riches ©:

  • 42,000,000.00 million dollars in Swiss Francs, certified money order to the B.O.P. lockbox in Des Moines Iowa6
  • 728,000,000,000,000.00 trillion dollars in Gold and Silver delivered by united parcel service “U.P.S.”7
  • 83,000,000,000.00 billion dollars collectively from defendants to be donated to the following causes; Greensburg Kansas tornado victims, Kent State Massacre victims, Richard Jewel,, coal miners, skid row section of L.A.8
  • 662,000,000,000,000.00 trillion dollars in British gold, delivered by J.B. Hunt trucking to the front gates of Federal Correctional Institution, Salters S.C. 29590.9

happy iowa corn

it's not a bivens action, a federal tort claims action, or anything else to make the allegation of "Iowa cornfields."10 why jonathan lee riches © thinks cornfields make iowa highways unsafe, or have anything to do with the minnesota bridge collapse, is so far beyond me.

at least, in this lawsuit, he has possibly realised that he needs help, that he can't keep doing this pro se. one of his counts is a motion for appointment of counsel, because he "need[s] legal help against this conspiracy."11 although, i doubt this will be the end of these silly pro se suits...i'm sure the judge will dismiss this suit offhand for being frivolous, not appoint counsel, and leave jonathan lee riches © free to write more of these deliciously bizarre little tidbits.

prayer for relief

i'm just scratching the surface. read the rest of the lawsuits that have surfaced on the internet all the way through. there's some stuff i can't even comment's bizarre, but my commentary would add nothing, or possibly just spoil it. are they art? are they insanity? either way, they're hilarious.

1 it was in that fifty-seven page list of defendants.
2 although, it would be pretty cool if that were possible. i'd sue the PATRIOT act...or maybe that annoying little regulation that allowed the TSA agent to confiscate my tube of toothpaste in the airport on the way to new york. that was silly. the last time i checked, being in possession of a tube of colgate total didn't make me a terrorist.
3 of course, he actually alleged this: in count 2 of the DEFCON suit.
4 see count 1 of the mossad suit.
5 we'll leave aside the fact that a temporary restraining order is equitable relief, and not relief at law. a plaintiff doesn't get to ask for monetary relief when asking for a temporary restraining order. that's the whole point of a TRO: the plaintiff demands the defendant to stop doing something while some other suit is pending. i really don't know where jonathan lee riches © got the idea to phrase all of his lawsuits as requests for temporary restraining orders.
6 see the barry bonds lawsuit.
7 see the guantanamo bay lawsuit.
8 see the lebron james lawsuit.
9 see the second michael vick lawsuit.
10 see the i-35w bridge lawsuit.
11 id.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

fire and traffic

so this is the fire that made trying to get from the chambers st. station to the staten island ferry stop so difficult, on the shuttle bus.

i saw a ton of fire engines, but i couldn't see the fire. i had heard from the bus driver it was only a four-alarm, maybe five...apparently, it was a seven-alarm.


(and, yes, i realise the oddity of getting nyc news from the chicago trib. i still get just about all my news from the trib, no matter where it originates. it's habit.)

Friday, August 17, 2007

remember the crazy list of defendants i posted a few weeks ago? and the michael vick suit?

well, jonathan lee riches is at it again. and this time, he's suing barry bonds.

oh yeah. and, hank aaron's bat.

yes, it's another bivens suit. against people who are not federal agents.

and mr. riches is apparently doing business as "THE WHITE SUGE KNIGHT."

and it gets crazier from there.
(ganked from serawench):

Rules: Post the explanation of where your username came from. Then tag TEN users whose explanations you'd like to hear. If you are tagged post the explanation to your page.

i've got two of them, given that this blog is posted in two places:

absentelements: my username on blogger. it's taken from the song "absent elements" by finger eleven. it's off their self-titled album, an album i was listening to nonstop all through the summer of '03, when i started this on blogger.

faceless_wonder: my username on livejournal. i was going to be absentelements or absent_elements, but they were both taken--by journals that DID NOT KEEP POSTING! ARRRRRGHHH!!! but,'s from a shades of fiction song called "faceless wonder of the world".

i picked both of those songs because they are songs in whose lyrics i see important parts of myself.
i've been in NYC for the last two days or so...and i'm having a blast. :)

i'm writing a ton about my trip in this old-style composition book i bought at the drugstore...i'm sure i look like a total dork in bars, on the train, and everywhere, writing in a composition book like a elementary kid, but oh well. i'm going to put parts of it here when i get back to st. louis next week. but, not all of it...because some of it is stuff that would make sense to post here, but some of it is so much along the lines of my own crazy ramblings and mental tangents that it would make even less sense than most of the stuff that i post here.

i know. difficult. but, try to imagine.

my brain goes on crazy tangents when i'm hanging out in an unfamiliar town where i know exactly four (well, no, make that six after last night) people.

but, needless to say, i'm having a fantastic time. and, if you're in NYC, you know me, and you want to hang out with me...say hi, 'cause i'm in town all the way until tuesday! :)

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

dear NBC,

please, please, please let this little speculation pan out. please renew american gladiators. don't change it...well, get new gladiators who aren't old, but use the same kinds of games and format.

but, most television sucks. and, american gladiators doesn't suck. it's awesome. and, i want more of it. but, don't change it. don't go crazy modernizing it. you had a good thing going those fifteen, almost twenty years ago...don't mess it up. your viewers will thank you.

the persecuted crack smoker

mtv2 is showing DOGGY FIZZLE TELEVIZZLE!!!!!

i haven't seen this show in years! it's absolutely hilarious.

*watches as snoop doggy dogg takes a bus full of old people to a strip club*
*is happy*

Monday, August 13, 2007

ughhhh...judge maria lopez just used the phrase "meeting of the minds", when discussing what was missing from a purported contract.

see, i watch court shows to get away from the real law--not to be reminded of terms from my Least Favourite Law School Class Ever.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

i've had a really nice first couple days back in st. louis. and, i already have an absurd story.

i was at the loading zone on friday's a gay bar in the central west end. i was there to nurse a drink and work on my advice column for student life. all of a sudden, a bunch of people in cowboy hats and various western paraphernalia come into the bar. gay men, butch dykes, drag queens in full drag regalia...turns out, it was the st. louis gay rodeo.

i start talking to a couple of of the drag queens was trying to set me up with his friend. i wasn't really into his friend at all...she wasn't bad-looking, and she was nice, but she was WAY too old for me--at least forty, and maybe close to fifty. not my age bracket at all. but, i hung out with the rodeo people...and before i knew it, i was on a school bus with them all, doing a st. louis pub crawl. they were a lot of fun to chill with. i'm just bummed because they're having their big rodeo soon, but it's when i'm in new york city so i can't go. was a lot of fun running around with the gay cowboys, and it wasn't how i was expecting to spend friday night.


on another apartment finally has STUFF in it! well, not a lot of stuff. i still need some furniture, some beanbag chairs or something...but i finally have a television! it's not big, but it's just fine for my little place. i also played so much guitar hero this summer that i gave in to temptation...and got a playstation 2 and a copy of guitar hero 2 to go with the playstation. :) so, now, i at least have some entertainment at home other than my computer, some cable tv and some guitar hero goodness. :)


school supplies are going too far. i just saw an ad for a new five-star brand binder--that has speakers in it. way to beg kids to disrupt class. the binder has a pocket for an .mp3 player, an speaker jack, and speakers. WHO WOULD NEED SPEAKERS IN SCHOOL? WHO? it just doesn't make sense to me. if a kid has to bring his .mp3 player to school, he should be allowed to listen to it on the bus...with headphones. not out loud--and definitely not out of his binder.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

i'm back in st. louis...and my goodness, i'm glad to be back in my own apartment, free from crazy roommates and crazy landlords.

i was leaving today, and on my way out, with all my stuff, i ran into the really crazy roommate i had. i wished her good luck with her move, since i had seen a ton of boxes by her room, and had seen her lugging more into the apartment. she informed me that she wasn't moving--but the crazy landlord had rented out her room to another incoming roommate for $75 more than she was paying, and that the landlord was making her move to another room.


she had been living there longer than any of us had been.

thank goodness i am gone. hopefully he sends my security deposit back, or i WILL take him to small claims court. he's crazy enough that i'll relish the opportunity.
today's last day in chicago.

this summer has gone by way too fast. i'm excited to see my friends in st. louis, and i'm excited to just get law school over with, but i'm really sad about leaving chicago. chicago is home. i don't feel like i belong nearly as well in any other city. and, it was nice to be here this summer and remember how it felt to be here for a long live my life here, instead of pop in for a weekend here and there.

the summer was fantastic. i goofed around a lot, explored some parts of the city i had never seen, and took some public transit routes i had never taken. i spent a lot of time with my friends...friends who live in town, and friends from chicago who don't live here anymore, but came through on different weekends. i enjoyed my job more than i thought i would...i met a lot of fun people at work, and learned about several corners of the law that i had no idea about before the summer started. i'm looking forward to being back there when i'm back in chicago, after i finish taking the bar.

(and, with that, i hope this is the last time i mention the bar until next summer, when it's breathing down my neck, and i'm going crazy trying not to study for it.)

and now...i have to pack up all of my stuff, and pray it fits in my suitcase and my bookbag for the ride home. i still don't know what i'm going to do with the granny cart i acquired this summer...i really hope i can get it on the bus with me, somehow lug all my stuff to union station, because i need that thing in st. louis with me. i've tried and tried to find a granny cart in st. louis so i could do grocery shopping more easily, and i've never been able to find one. the wholel reason i bought one here was because they actually sell them in chicago. but,o f course...i wasn't thinking when i bought it what a pain in the butt it was going to be to get it to st. louis with me. oh well...hopefully i'll get it there.

on a completely unrelated note, i'm excited to get back to my own apartment back in st. louis. it was so weird and unsettling living with three strangers this summer. right now, it's down to one stranger...but it's the one i really, really don't like. it's the one who is twice my age, expected me to do things like fix her computer, and tried to charge the other roommates for phone and cable service she didn't use. i'm in my room now, and there's a window between my bedroom and the kitchen. it has to stay cracked open, because the internet router and modem run out of my bedroom--that's where the cable hookup is. that roommate is in the kitchen--and she is SMOKING. so, i can smell cigarette smoke. it's driving me nuts, like it's been driving me nuts all summer. i can't wait to be back in my own apartment so i can sleep on a bed and not an air mattress (like i've been doing all summer long), and not have roommates who annoy the crap out of me by prying into my personal life, entering my room without telling me, and smoking in the apartment.

now i'm just typing more stuff for the sake of procrastinating from packing. for crying out loud, i've REGISTERED FOR THE NOVEMBER MPRE as a way of procrastinating from packing. that's just pathetic. i need to just get it over with...but i don't wanna. :(

Wednesday, August 08, 2007


as of this afternoon, it's official: i'm working after graduation where i worked this summer.

home sweet chicago.

Monday, August 06, 2007

well, i'm going to see the yankees play the tigers at yankee stadium on august 19th at 1:05 pm. i've officially got tickets. :)

go tigers.

Sunday, August 05, 2007

life is good. let me count the ways...

  • my last day of my summer job was friday. i'm sad it's over, because i really, really enjoyed it...but it's nice to have three weeks to just chill out before school starts.
  • my last week of work went really well. i got all my projects done, and i spent a lot of time on tuesday, thursday, and friday after work chilling out with the other summers. i will miss my summer class, though. :( hopefully everyone will get offers, though, and we'll all be back at the firm in fall of '08.
  • i'm in chicago until the 9th. i'm sad about leaving...but i'm so glad that i have the next few days to enjoy the city, and not have to get up at 7:15 in the morning to go to work. i'm also super happy that i'll get to see all my friends in st. louis soon...since i've only been back there once, and i was there for such a short time that i didn't get to see everyone i wanted to see.
  • i saw the simpsons movie yesterday. you know what's amazing? the simpsons movie. i was skeptical, but the movie really delivered. it had the humour that makes the simpsons so fantastic, and was full of really funny one-liners from all the characters. i think i was laughing from beginning to end. it's a movie so good that i'm going to buy it when it comes out on dvd.
  • just ten days before my vacation to new york city!! i still need to figure out what all i'm going to do there...but whatever i end up doing, it will be a blast. i can't wait. (if any of you readers have any suggestions for shiny things for me to do in NYC--i'm all ears!)
alright, time to go do something else shiny now...have some giordano's! :)

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

remember a few months ago when i posted a link to a pro se lawsuit filed by a crack smoker who is too stupid to even have refuge at the last refuge of the persecuted crack smoker? he was the guy who sued arm and hammer on a failure to warn theory, alleging that they should put warnings on boxes stating that using baking soda to make crack is illegal.

well, i found the judge's order dismissing the case. it's really, really funny to read the judge's order, since it's so serious--when the lawsuit is so poorly drafted. my favourite part of the order is the footnotes citing the complaint; the language from the complaint seems so out of place.