Wednesday, May 31, 2006

i'm a little rusty, i need to get back into practice...but darn it, it's still lurking somewhere up there.

i still have the ability to sight read.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

dear moron on svu,
if ice-t accuses you of a crime, the stupidest thing you could do is to punch him in the eye.
love,
me

dear missouri,
i don't care if you write your administrative regulations in english, spanish, urdu, or pig latin. please, though, write them with an intelligible sentence structure.
love,
me

dear tuesday night television,
now that american idol is over, you suck. stop sucking.
love,
me

dear mo-dot,
if you're going to put a sharp curve just over the top of the hill, please label it. yes, you idiots, this includes rural roads. just because you're in the middle of nowhere doesn't mean you don't still have modern technology, including cars that go over thirty miles an hour.
love,
me

Saturday, May 27, 2006

found this bizarre little gem on fark...

this is why you should never, never, ever, ever let a struggling novelist write the crime blotter in your local paper.

the choice excerpt?

"Imagine that you are the police officer watching this idiot doing a brake stand right in front of you as you are exiting the police station parking lot. Imagine dividing your attention between the meathead driving the pick up truck and the legions of startled pedestrians in the vicinity which seemed to be popping like er well like popcorn in response to the sudden deafening cacophony. Imagine your satisfaction in delivering the $402 stunting ticket to this veteran subject of Blotter’s past."

and, this one, is also extra-special:

"Police were dispatched to a complaint that six people were astride a single minibike and were racing up and down the street near the complainants residence. Why am I reminded of circus clowns? In any event, they were gone on arrival. Too bad too. Six stunting tickets for six different people in relation to the same vehicle at the same time. That qualifies the member writing those tickets to their choice of a toaster oven or a set of lawn darts."

but, read the whole thing. it's hysterical...and disturbing, in the sense that this guy, whoever he is, is getting paid to write this hilariously bad material.
i'm watching press your luck, and there was a new year's whammy blowing one of those noisemakers with the curled-up paper tube that unfurls when you blow it.

on the whammy's sash was the new year: 1985.

over twenty years later, press your luck is still the greatest game show ever.

we miss you, peter tomarken.
i had a host of unrealistic expectations and hopes when i got to law school...be at the top of my class, be able to go into public interest work straight out of law school...but one that was sitting first and foremost in my head when i came out here was to get over the professor-phobia that i had in college.

in college, i never talked to my professors outside of class, and hardly ever even in class unless i was raising my hand to answer a question. i never stayed after to ask questions, i never went to office hours, and the most i did to acknowledge a professor outside of class was maybe, just maybe, a nod. (except for one shining exception, john hart, who i actually did have one or two chats with outside of class.)

i was hoping to go headlong into being able to talk to profs in law school. i was going to be the queen of office hours, and i was going to get over my fears, become friendly with all my professors, and never fear to ask for a letter of recommendation again. i'm usually not that skittish with people, but professors, even accessible ones, triggered a crazy mental block with me.

i can't say i've come that far (i think i went to one office hour the entire school year, maybe two), but i've come a little way. i realised that yesterday, when i had one purely social conversation with an old professor of mine, and another that was part business and part social with the one i'm working for, that i'm making progress on this. it's definitely not the first time i've had chats with professors...there are a few that, whenever i run into them, i'm pretty likely to have a chat with them. some others i have less frequently, but still periodically. i'm pretty proud of myself for this, given that it never would have happened in college...i would have seen a professor, flipped out, and hardly been able to manage to say more than "hi"...or i would have just slunk and hoped they didn't notice me.

i still don't know why i had such a professor-phobia in college. maybe it's because they're authority figures, and smarter and more knowledgeable than i'll ever be. i'm still not as comfortable as i hoped to be with every professor i've ever had. i realise that i probably will never be--some professors are just unapproachable, or their personalities just don't mesh with mine very well. but, i've learned an important lesson in law school...that professors, as a class, are not scary, and some of them can be very nice.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

it finally hit me today that the entire panel on the new version of "i've got a secret" is gay. that's awesome.

although, it does prove once again how hopeless my gaydar is, that it took me this long.
taylor's the new american idol. sweet.

although, whoever wrote that song for him deserves to be kicked in the head. it's a stupid song, and it wasn't even written for his voice--i'd bet my life savings on the fact that it was written for chris daughtry, and not him.

still...this means lots more amusement, lots more seeing taylor dance like an idiot. :D

p.s...they had Turkey Boy (Garet) from the beginning of the season come back tonight. that was hilarious!

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

i need to stop being a fictional character, and fearing what a fictional character fears.

the meaningful means too much, and the superficial means too little.

where did i go?

Monday, May 22, 2006

i'm so tired and whacked out today that i don't have any real content, or at least any content that anyone would either care about or want to read. therefore...memeage.

i have lived through 111 of these 158 things.

1. put numbers in the boxes instead of ticking them off with x's.
2. repost as "i have lived through ___ of these 158 things."

[1] I have read a lot of books.

[ ] I have been on some sort of varsity team.

[ ] I have run more than 2 miles without stopping.

[2] I have been to Canada. (winsor! martini sky!)

[3] I have been to Europe.

[4] I have watched cartoons for hours.

[5] I have tripped UP the stairs.

[6] I have fallen down an entire flight of stairs. (on several occasions. i'm petrified of going down stairs as a result, but of course i have to force myself to do it.)

[ ] I have been snowboarding/skiing. (falling down a mountain = bad idea)

[7] I have played ping pong. (i suck. a lot. but it's fun.)

[8] I swam in the ocean.

[ ] I have been on a whale watch.

[9] I have seen fireworks.

[10] I have seen a shooting star.

[ ] I have seen a meteor shower. (with a real telescope, in my backyard)

[ ] I have almost drowned.

[11] I have been so embarrassed I wanted to disappear.

[12] I have listened to one CD over and over and over again.

[13] I have had stitches.

[ ] I have had frostbite

[ ] I have licked a frozen pole and got stuck there.

[14] I have stayed up 'til 2 doing homework/projects. (2...and 3...and 6...and all night...)

[15] I currently have a job. (two of them!)

[16] I have been ice skating.

[17] I have been roller blading.

[18] I have fallen flat on my face.

[19] I have tripped over my own two feet. (who hasn't?)

[20] I have been in a fist fight.

[21] I have played video games for more than 3 hours straight.

[22] I have watched the Power Rangers.

[ ] I attend Church regularly.

[23] I have played truth or dare.

[24] I have already had my 16th birthday.

[25] I have already had my 17th birthday.

[26] I've called someone stupid.

[27] I've been in a verbal argument.

[28] I've cried in school.

[29] I've played basketball on a team.

[ ] I've played baseball on a team.

[30] I've played football on a team.

[31] I've played soccer on a team.

[ ] I've done cheerleading on a team.

[32] I've played softball on a team.

[ ] I've played volleyball on a team.

[ ] I've played tennis on a team.

[ ] I've been on a track or cross country team.

[33] I've been swimming more than 20 times in my life.

[ ] I've bungee jumped.

[34] I've climbed a rock wall. (not well, but i *tried*)

[35] I've lost more than $20.

[36] I've called myself an idiot.

[37] I've called someone else an idiot. (again, in several languages)

[38] I've cried myself to sleep.

[39] I've had (or have) pets.

[ ] I've owned a spice girls CD.

[ ] I've owned a Britney Spears CD.

[ ] I've owned an N*Sync CD.

[ ] I've owned a Backstreet Boys CD.

[40] I've mooned someone.

[ ] I have sworn at someone of authority before.

[41] I've been in the newspaper.

[42] I've been on TV.

[ ] I've been to Hawaii.

[43] I've eaten sushi.

[44] I've been on the other side of a waterfall.

[45] I've watched all of the Lord of the Rings movies.

[46] I've watched all the Harry Potter movies.

[ ] I've watched all of the Rocky movies.

[47] I've watched the 3 Stooges.

[48] I've watched "Newlyweds" Nick & Jessica. (part of an episode, but never all the way through)

[49] I've watched Looney Tunes.

[ ] I've been stuffed into a locker/I have stuffed others into lockers.

[50] I've been called a geek.

[51] I've studied hard for a test and got a bad grade. (it's called the SATs)

[52] I've not studied at all for a test and aced it.

[ ] I've hugged my mom within the past 24 hrs.

[ ] I've hugged my dad within the past 24 hours.

[53] I've met a celebrity/music artist.

[54] I've written poetry.

[ ] I've been arrested.

[55] I've been attracted to someone much older than me.

[56] I've been tickled till I've cried.

[57] I've tickled someone else until they cried.

[58] I've had/have siblings.

[59] I've been to a rock concert.

[60] I've listened to classical music and enjoyed it. (and even sang it and enjoyed it!)

[61] I've been in a play.

[62] I've been picked last in gym class.

[ ] I've been picked first in gym class.

[63] I've been picked in that middle-range in gym class.

[64] I've cried in front of my friends.

[65] I've read a book longer than 1,000 pages

[ ] I've played Halo 2.

[66] I've freaked out over a sports game.

[ ] I've been to Alaska.

[ ] I've been to China.

[ ] I've been to Spain.

[ ] I've been to Japan.

[67] I've had a fight with someone on AIM.

[68] I've had a fight with someone face-to-face.

[69] I've had serious conversations on any IM.

[70] I've forgiven someone who has done something wrong to me.

[71] I've been forgiven.

[72] I've screamed at a scary movie.

[73] I've cried at a chick flick. (in the parlance of wayside school, i am a leaky faucet.)

[ ] I've watched a lot of action movies.

[74] I've screamed at the top of my lungs.

[75] I've been to a rap concert.

[76] I've been to a hip hop concert.

[] I've lived in more than 2 houses. (only two houses....and a bunch of dorms/apartments)

[77] I've driven on the highway/been on the highway.

[78] I've driven more than 40 miles in a day/been in a car that went more than 40 miles in a day.

[79] I've been in a car accident.

[80] I've done drugs. (i did try weed once)

[81] I've been homesick. (i've been homesick for chicago.)

[82] I've thrown up.

[83] I've puked on someone. (be quiet, dr. c...haha)

[84] I've been horseback riding.

[85] I've filled out more than 10 myspace/LJ surveys. (cracky mccrackerson, they're as addictive as crack...)

[86] I've spoken my mind in public. (me? lecture in public? never! . . . it runs in the family?)

[87] I've proved someone wrong.

[88] I've been proven wrong by someone.

[ ] I've broken a leg.

[ ] I've broken an arm/fingers.

[89] I've fallen off a swing.

[90] I've swung on a swing for more than 30 minutes straight

[91] I've watched Winnie the Pooh movies.

[92] I've forgotten my backpack when I've gone to school.

[ ] I've lost my backpack.

[ ] I've come close to dying.

[ ] I've seen someone die.

[93] I've known someone who has died.

[94] I've wanted to be an actor/actress at some point.

[ ] I've done modeling.

[95] I've forgotten to brush my teeth some mornings.

[96] I've taken something/someone for granted.

[97] I've realized how good my life is.

[98] I've counted my blessings.

[99] I've made fun of a classmate.

[100] I've been asked out by someone and I said no.

[101] I've slapped someone in the face.

[102] I've been skateboarding.

[103] I've been backstabbed by someone I thought was a friend.

[104] I've lied to someone to their face.

[105] I've told a little white lie.

[106] I've taken a day off from school just so I don't go insane.

[107] I've fainted.

[108] I've had an argument with someone about whether cheerleading is a sport or not.

[109] I've pushed someone into a pool.

[110] I've been pushed into a pool.

[111] I've been/am in love.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

sometimes, i'd be a much saner, much better person if i could just find a way to give my subconscious a swift kick in the nuts.

today is one of those times.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

the onion wins this week.

i need to start referring to mad sabermetricians in normal conversation.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

i'll never have to listen to elliot sing again!

*happydance*
reflections on the first few minutes of the kick-'em-off show...since i missed the show last night, and all.

ryan seacrest is a tool. he needs to shave...and i wanted to kick him when he referred to the idea of a taylor/elliot final as "ruben-clay style." that's...way too cheesy, and way too meta for american idol.

taylor makes really, really funny facial expressions when he's singing...especially when he's trying to stand still.

elliot should stop singing about how we know his name. yes, we all get it. your name is elliot yamin. you should go home.

katharine is a really good singer when she picks the right song...it's not that she's cringeworthy otherwise, but just noticeably not as good.

if elliot gets kicked off...i'll probably not be back with much to say other than hooray. if katharine gets kicked off, i'll be stunned. if taylor gets kicked off, i'll not only be stunned, i'll be really, really pissed.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

i missed idol tonight. no long idol blog this week.

i know you miss me.
i'm sure this guy meant well, asking permission from the principal and all, but the fact remains that he's a complete and utter moron.

teachers are not supposed to boink their students. if, somehow, the teacher gets away with boinking the student, the teacher should not draw attention to himself by asking the student to prom--or telling the principal that he is doing so.

congratulations, sean eckman. your ugly mug now goes in the Moron Hall of Fame. you should be proud.



in other news...why is the northwestern soccer team such big news? they call it hazing. i get really annoyed when people flip out about hazing. hazing happens everywhere. hazing is a rite of passage in many organizations. by cracking down on it, hazing is not going to be stopped, it's just going to be pushed further underground. the way i see it...no harm, no foul.

sure, some forms of hazing go over the edge, and should be punished on other grounds: stuff like savage beatings, screwing goats, that kind of thing. but...oh no these girls got drunk and ran around in their underwear?!?!? there may have been...gasp...blindfolds, rope, and sexually suggestive skits involved! that's not over the edge, that's nowhere near the edge. it's hazing. if those kinds of things happened at any other kind of gathering, as long as it wasn't an athletic organization or a greek organization, no one would give a second thought--even if the pictures were unwisely posted on the internet, as these were.

give these girls a break. they're college kids being college kids. this stuff's always going to happen, and occasionally other people will find out about it. they shouldn't be punished, or suspended from athletic activities, or any of the above.

Monday, May 15, 2006

i have the most fascinating summer job ever. i, of course, would be well served not to talk about any details of it here, since i signed a confidentiality agreement and all that jazz (yay law...), but it suffices to say that my summer will be very shiny.
so, in 25 minutes, i'm about to start my summer job.

i haven't been this happy about starting a job in a while. i guess working at a library, working at a restaurant, stuff like that...you know what you're going to be getting, you know what you're going to be doing. library equals barcoding (or stamping) books. restaurant equals dealing with the nimrods that walk in the door. but a legal job...who knows? who knows what cases i'll be working on? what clients i'll be talking to? how the judge is going to rule in court? there will be new things, interesting things...and in such a tiny clinic as the civil justice clinic is in the summer, i'll be right in the middle of all of it.

in other news...my exploratory trip to church yesterday was actually really cool. the minister is a really good speaker...and the sermon for mother's day was about a woman named Fannie Kimball, an actress and abolitionist who decided, when she found out that her rich husband was only rich due to slavery, to leave her husband and make it on her own. it was a fascinating story. i also liked the church a lot...it's not a preachy place at all, from what i can tell of it (then again, if it were a preachy place it would be inconsistent with most everything i've read about unitarianism...), and i met a lot of really nice, friendly people who were willing to tell me all sorts of things about the church, the community there, their experiences, the activities. i think i am going to keep going, and see what comes of it.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

i finally, officially have something that i swore i'd never have.

it's called a regret.

i regret missing scavhunt this year. i wasn't able to come in...i should have tried harder, planned further ahead, and come in for it. i didn't think i'd be this profoundly sad, profoundly empty, for having missed it...but i am.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

tomorrow morning, i'm doing something i haven't done in years. it's something that's so Not Me that i'm almost ashamed to be admitting that i'm doing it, but it's something i've been curious about for so long, that i want to just step out and do it...and tomorrow i am.

i'm going to church.

since i lived in chicago, i've been batting around the idea of going to a unitarian universalist service, just to see what it is like. i've read a bunch of stuff about it on the net over the last year and a half, maybe two years, just on and off...i'm intrigued by the idea of a religious, yet non-creedal, community. i'm still not quite sure how it works, but i like the idea of there being a group of people to talk faith with, a regular community of devotion and centering, without a rigid set of beliefs.

why now? why tomorrow instead of a year or two ago, or a year or two from now, or never? i really don't know. i haven't had any sort of epiphany, any sort of finger of God or anyone else pushing me, nudging me, telling me that i need to go. it's more like...i've had this curiosity in the back of my mind for a while, i've got this weekend on my own, going to a service instead of reading about it on the internet for the umpteenth time would be a productive and possibly enriching thing for me to do.

the reason i'm almost ashamed to admit that i'm going to a service is that i'm so against organized religion. i still haven't quite decided where unitarian universalism fits in as being organized religion or not, under my conception of it. from what i've read, i'm open to possibly saying no...because even though there are ministers and services and structures, there doesn't seem to be One Book, or One Prophet, or even one way of conceptualizing God. my biggest reservation about organized religion is the feeling of a flock mentality...the fundamentalist substitution of church teaching for independent thought, the old relic from those visits to high school bible study. from what i know about unitarian universalism, i don't get the feeling that there's such a substitution there, or a desire for people to make that substitution.

i still have a lot of questions, i still don't know what, if anything, this curiosity will lead to. but, as it stands, i'm going to a service tomorrow. we'll see what happens.
i'm a little disturbed right now. there is, or was, a rather disturbed livejournaler somewhere in the madina lake/blank theory fandom. (in other news, there's a madina lake/blank theory fandom?) even though it's a long-abandoned community, i'm disturbed that someone started a livejournal community themed around matthew/nathan incest fanfic.

bandmates? i'm not into the fanfic world, but that sounds pretty normal...i'm not bothered by the concept of bandmate slash. i'm sure there's plenty of that floating around everywhere. but...these particular bandmates are twin brothers. i find twin fetishes, just like any other incest fetishes, personally disturbing, especially they involve people i know of...and, in this case, people i have met in real life.

people are weird.
*looks at metro website*
*blinks*
*looks at metro website again*
*blinks again*

holy moly! they have a trip planner feature now!

SQUEE!!!!!
i want to write about what i've been looking at this afternoon, but the words aren't coming. i've been looking at pictures of desolation...abandoned amusement parks in particular, and abandoned places in general. i still can't pinpoint why i just keep looking and looking and looking...they're places i've never been, they're places i'll probably never go, but they're probably all places that, if i went there, i could successfully drop off the face of the earth. that's somewhat scary, somewhat comforting, and just what i need right now.

i found this series of photos especially riveting...probably because it's so extensive. the concept of an abandoned amusement park just makes me sad. they're places where people are supposed to go to be happy--and it confuses me why people would stop going to them, why they would have to fall into disrepair. i could draw so many bad comparisons to the loss of childhood or innocence or anything like that, but i know it's probably something more mundane, like poor management or economic recession. either way...after looking at all of these pictures, i just want to hop the next bus to arkansas, find this land, and mourn this amusement park that i never knew existed until today.
i'm thinking of someone who really needs to Stop Smoking Crack.
it's this guy. he's on who wants to be a millionaire. he's at the $300 question. he proceeds to use all of his lifelines...oh, just watch the darn clip. it's hysterical.


goal for the summer? pull the shambles that pass as my life back together.

i feel like i've been slipping back to the old me, the right-after-college me, the apathetic me. the world is sort of prancing along around me, without me, and i sit here twiddling my thumbs and waiting for lightning to strike. it's not striking, and i need to make it strike.

maybe my job this summer will help me do that; putting myself on a regular schedule is good at forcing me to care. classes aren't regular enough...when i had classes and trial both going simultaneously, that was, but when trial team ended i just fell apart. i lost it again.

maybe when my grades come out, that will help me pull myself together again. they're going to be low, extremely low, because for all the caring and hard work i put in last semester, i successfully threw it all away this semester...and that's too bad. i should not have let myself do that, but i did.

and now i'm reduced again to staring out into space. i want to write creatively again, because it makes me feel grounded, but i'm afraid that what i write is going to be bad, or just not profound enough that anyone's going to care. i'd say i'm turning into stephen dedalus, in his dilemma, but that would imply that there's something Greater about how stuck i'm feeling. there's not.

so, basically, i need to reconcile my insignificance with my need to get off my tail and do something about my life. it's quite the impossible task.

Friday, May 12, 2006

eve 6 broke up.

eve 6 broke up in july of 2004.

how did i miss this?!!?!?!?!? i've been waiting for another album of theirs to come out...and it hasn't been coming...and it hasn't been coming...and now i know why.

i'm going to go crawl in a corner and mourn now.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

if you google last refuge of the persecuted smoker, you get a ton of hits to the last refuge of the persecuted crack smoker.

sweet.

in other news, there is no other news. i've been a lazy, internet-poker-playing bum. go me.
courtesy of Yosuf v. United States (642 F.Supp. 432), the Most Obvious Assertion In A Case, Ever:

"Damages are to be awarded as compensation for an injury substantially caused by the negligence or tortious conduct of another."

at risk of sounding cliche...really, only one thing comes to mind here:

sometimes i read real names, and i want to find the parents who gave their kids that name, and slap them silly. today, in one of the cases i read while doing research, there was such a name.

"mark marquette"???

give me a break. not cute at all.
the good news: chris finally got the boot from american idol last night! it's about time! ever since nickelback junior made a mockery of "i walk the line" (which was at least a month ago!), i've had it out for him. goodbye, and good riddance, blasphemer.

the bad news: elliot was in the top two. what?!?!?! i've been pulling for him to get booted even more than i've been pulling for chris to get booted. why? because even though chris turns everything into boring, bad alt-rock, elliot can't sing. he makes my ears bleed. i think the only reason he's still on there--much less in the top two this week--is the fact that he is probably getting the Swooning Teenybopper Female vote.

(note...i just read on wikipedia that the arrangement of "i walk the line" that chris used that week was the same arrangement that live used when they covered the song back in 2001. i've lost lots of respect for them because of that version of the cover. sigh. i mean--when i saw them my senior year of high school, back in '99, they covered "imagine" by john lennon--and it was good! i thought that was evidence that they had sense to cover songs that they could do well. apparently not. then again, live's last truly good album was secret samadhi, and their last one that didn't make my ears bleed was the distance to here. so, this cover was definitely done in their more recent, awful, jumped-the-shark time. in other words...i want to throw rotten tomatoes at live for coming up with that horrible arrangement, and throw rotten tomatoes at chris for perpetuating it.)
i'm missing my first scavhunt since i started at u(c).

this makes me sad.

for crying out loud, the first scavolympics event involves a can of SURGE!

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

apparently, according to a boy scout troop in louisiana, a boy scout can't do his requisite duty to God and country if he's Wiccan. he was in a troop sponsored by a methodist church...when they all said what faith they were, as part of earning their "God and country" badge, he admitted he was Wiccan. apparently, their scoutmaster even told the brothers that if they lied about their faith, they could have been able to stay in the troop.

i get annoyed enough when they claim that you can't do the duty of a boy scout if you are an atheist. that's ridiculous enough. but, you can't do it if you're a polytheist, either?

they say it's not a national rule, but rather a rule that each troop is free to enforce. but, if that's the cloak that the national is hiding behind, instead of doing something about it...i think it's reprehensible.

i'm starng to sound like i'm talking about states' rights, and my utter disdain for the concept as dinosauric, and a poor way to protect people's rights. the way i see it, it's a lot easier for rights to be granted by the central governing body, be it of the nation or of an organization, than for them to be taken away by such a body. smaller bodies can more readily grant and revoke such rights at will. a centralized bureaucracy--that is willing to stand up to states that try to curtail rights, either through legislation or judicial opinions--will better foster an expanding field of more extensive personal rights that apply to larger segments of the population. it sounds harsh, but that's how it works, as a practical matter.

if the central governing body lets a state encroach upon a right that has not been blocked centrally, the central government is just as culpable as the state, in allowing it to happen.

i can't call this boy scout action illegal, or legally alterable, since it is a private organization and not the government, but still...if they allow the local troop to do something like this, and doesn't stop them or at least discourage this blatant discrimination, then the national chapter is just as culpable as this state chapter is, for allowing it.

not that i had the greatest deal of respect for the boy scouts anyway, after the dale incident, but boy scouts seems to be establishing itself as a reliable bastion of discrimination.
come for the clever drug name, stay for the desire to slap bill napoli etc. silly.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

weakest link, child stars edition:

"what is the most populous city in the world?"
"china!"

"what yearly sporting event was cancelled in 1994 due to a labour dispute?"
"china!"

what made me giggle is that the guy who answered these both was dustin diamond.

go screech.
notes to the american idol finalists

dear taylor,
you should kick simon cowell in the head. whenever you're extremely entertaining, he knocks you. he's just jealous. your jailhouse rock was possibly more entertaining than your play that funky music was last week. you even did justice to the more toned-down song...in the ghetto is my favourite elvis song, and you sang it well.
i still think you should be the next american idol.
love,
me

dear chris,
three words: nickelback does elvis.
tossing rotten tomatoes,
me

dear katharine,
you have such a good voice. you were surprisingly good at hound dog, although forgetting the lyrics is something you should try not to do. also, that first shirt you wore was heinous. i can't help falling in love with you was...well suited for your voice, but overly bombastic. it was...unnecessary.
you can sing, but you've made too many little missteps.
trying to let you down easy 'cause i like you,
me

dear elliot,
no, i am not convinced that you are evil. i am only convinced that you are a boy band reject who likes the melismas way too much. and, you still make my ears bleed.
whoever sticks a cork down your trachea would be doing a public service.
get voted off soon,
me.
one of my jobs this summer is as a research assistant. i am researching loss of enjoyment of life damages in tort cases that result in disability.

this is the first of probably a long line of amusing things i dig up over the course of my research.

i was reading Sabich v. Outboard Marine (131 Cal.Rptr. 703), a case about an ATV that overturned on top of a guy, causing severe lung problems and leg problems. a part of the case discussed the ability to recover damages for the embarrassment that the plaintiff felt for being disabled as a result of the accident.
way to go
i then keycited it. (for all you non-law-students reading this, keycite is a dandy little feature on westlaw that allows me to find, with one click of the mouse, any case that has cited the case that i am reading. i don't know how people did legal research without it.) a few cases came up, one of them being a case called Macias v. Raul A. (Unknown), Badge No. 153 (23 F.3d 94), a case from texas.

this case is not a personal injury case. this case is a search and seizure case. i bet you know where this is going.

that's right. the idiot defendant decided to cite sabich, the ATV crash case, to justify damages for feeling embarrassed about being searched by the cop:

When requested to describe his injuries, Macias stated:

Humiliation, Embarrassment, just because the lens was out. I, Moses Macias, Jr., was ordered around to stand in different positions, was also search[ed] outside the car without any probable cause. Search and seizure laws are very strict. An officer needs a warrant and the Warrant has to be specific on where to search and the officers needs probable cause, an affidavit made by oath, by a witness describing exactly where to search. [FN2]

FN2. Macias also cited a case, apparently as authority for his claim for damages. That case, Sabich v. Outboard Marine Corp., 60 Cal.App.3d 591, 131 Cal.Rptr. 703 (1976), is a products liability action concerning all-terrain vehicles.


a cookie for the judge, for the subtle smackdown.

i looked further, to confirm a little suspicion i had, and my suspicion was correct: this dingbat was representing himself. it's more proof of the old adage that he who represents himself has a fool for a client.

(p.s.--if you do have westlaw access, it would be well worth your while to look up the macias case, scroll down to the bottom, and look at the .pdf file of the appellant's brief. it's a beautiful example of awful legal writing.)
for all of you who love ridiculous wordplay...

Sunday, May 07, 2006

i know i should go to bed, but there's a great game of apples to apples (or, as they call it, assholes to assholes...) going on in the moo.

i'll be up all night.
sometimes, i just love postsecret. this is one of those weeks. there were two cards that hit me hard this week.

for one...because high school prom was one of the most horrific experiences of my life.



and secondly...because i want to find this writer and hand her a cookie for calling a spade a spade.

Saturday, May 06, 2006

wow.

what in the world did i just watch?

"three little pigs" by green jelly is definitely one of the most bizarre things i've ever seen on mtv.

they played that video during headbangers ball tonight. apparently they're a spoof-metal outfit, which for various parts of its history contained a couple members from tool.

that video amused me a lot...but it is kind of disturbing. who in the world would decide to set the three little pigs to a metal song?

i guess i have to hand it to them for being creative...
shocker of the day: apparently jada pinkett smith is the lead singer of a metal band (wicked wisdom).

second shocker of the day: although they're not the best band ever, they somehow don't suck. they remind me a lot of kittie.
[sarcasm]

oh boy! it takes "weeks, not months" for a person to develop extra-perceptive super powers!! let me sign right up as soon as the tech is available to mere lay people and not just the special folks who shell out bags of money for a training centre!! or, better yet, let me find the bags of money to give to them! i wanna learn it now! now!

hail xenu!

[/sarcasm]
most. addictive. flash. game. evar.

i'm just glad i found this today, and not during finals week.
this is a public service announcement from the persecuted crack smoker.

do not, under any circumstances, ever turn on the tv guide channel at 5 in the morning. it is an extremely bad idea. use the paper tv guide. go onto tv.yahoo.com to check the listings. flip channels. do anything but check the tv guide channel.

~~~

i made that mistake at 5am today, and it was one i will never make again. they had a paid programme showing in the top half of the screen. that's not shocking. but, the particular paid programme they were showing was just plain nasty. they were showing all these pictures of blocked, diseased, and cancerous colons, and saying that the only way to avoid having your colon look like that was to buy their colon cleaning products. after one or two pictures like that, i realised it was not going to stop, and i just reverted to flipping channels.

it was definitely the nastiest thing i'd see on television in a very long time--and especially nothing my tired brain wanted to deal with at 5am. just...yuck.

Friday, May 05, 2006

in front of a tavern
flat on his face
a boozehound named Barney is pleading his case...

buy me a beer!
two bucks a glass!
come on
help me
i'm freezing my ass!
buy me brandy
a snifter of wine
who am i kidding
i'll drink turpentine!

move it you drunk
or i'll blast your rear end

i found two bucks

then come in my friend!

and so let us leave
on this heartwarming scene

can i be a boozehound?

not 'til you're fifteen!

You Are Barney

You could have been an intellectual leader...

Instead, your whole life is an homage to beer

You will be remembered for: your beautiful singing voice and your burps

Your life philosophy: "There's nothing like beer to give you that inflated sense of self-esteem."
guess who's now officially a 2L?!?!?!?

that's right, MEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

well, i've officially been a 2L since yesterday afternoon at 4:30, but i spent last night drinking and not blogging...sue me for being a couple hours late, right?

the conlaw final...we won't talk about. it kinda sucked. or, really sucked. except for the german constitution question...that one was pretty sweet. at least we got to skip one of the short answers, because i couldn't remember for the life of me what scalia said in his dissent in morrison v. olson. it's too bad, because the question was to discuss why it was formalistic...and i'm pretty good at bashing on those formalist idiots. (and i would have loved the chance to bash on scalia for credit. squee.)

i need to go and pay my rent today...other than that, though, i'm going to be nice and lazy. the school year's over...i earned it, right?

let me reiterate: i'm a 2L now!!!!!

Thursday, May 04, 2006

somehow, there are three people other than me on last.fm who have listened to ratbag hero, one other who has listened to down cycle, and one other who has listened to 7g.

last.fm is awesome--because it proves that somewhere out there, there are other people who listen to these obscure bands i listen to.
i'm being way too cavalier about the fact that i don't know any conlaw. i slept last night...like, really slept. i woke up early, and started to read and study some more, and then i rolled back over and passed out until my alarm went off. i didn't stay up until some ungodly hour last night, but rather went to bed by 1 or 1:30.

i'm just keeping my fingers crossed that there's lots of commerce clause. i can talk about commerce clause 'til the cows come home. otherwise, it's going to be a pinch of bull combined with a pinch of snark about how yes, i do think state governments should be little more than glorified local districts of the federal government, because it's the only practical way to go nowadays.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

i've gotten hooked on american idol this season.

i watched it last night, and it was...special. each singer sang two songs--one from the year they were born, and one from any top ten on the billboard charts.

some of the songs were good, some of them were bad. i think paris was the best singer of the night. she did "kiss" by prince (OMG BORN IN 1989 I AM FREAKING OLD!!!!), and a mary j. blige song from this week's chart. it wasn't jaw-dropping, but it was still very solid. simon said the prince tune was whiny, although that's patently wrong...there's nothing whiny at all about her singing voice, although her speaking voice makes me want to stick a cork in her throat. her singing voice rocks. and then, the mary j. blige song...props for her picking something absolutely perfect for her vocal style.

i thought taylor was the most amusing performer... he's this 30 year old guy who looks like he's 40, but has so much energy...he's crazy. the song he sang from the year he was born? play that funky music, white boy. he didn't sing it amazingly well, that was just alright, but his dancing around and carrying on just made me love it to death, even though simon hated it. screw simon. his second one, the one from this week's chart...let's just say he was extra-clever. he picked the pop catalogue chart, and sang a beatles tune. that wasn't hopping and crazy, but well sung. the moral of the story? i heart taylor. i heart taylor lots and lots. taylor should be the next american idol.

i wanted to see taylor move on because he was fun, and i knew paris had to move on because she was good.

there was katharine...who's usually awesome, but had an off night last night. her second song, "black horse and the cherry tree", was really good...but she tried to do "against all odds" by phil collins, and she completely blew it. she was off pitch, off rhythm, just off. still, her second song redeemed herself, and she's done so well other weeks, that she should have stayed in. she should have probably been in the bottom two, judging from her performance last night, but she wasn't the worst last night.

then there was chris...he did well, singing a styx song and that "walk through fire" song by shinedown... his singing last night was good, although i've been wanting him to go home ever since fifties night, when he and his adult-alternative style did the impossible of making "i walk the line" by johnny cash suck. even though he was one of the best singers last night, i still really wanted to see him go home...or would have, if not for elliot.

oh, elliot. he's not very good at his job. every time i've seen him, he's been dull at best and awful at worst. last night he absolutely made my ears bleed. his second song was closer to dull than awful...he did some michael buble song about wanting to go home. it wasn't that cringeworthy, although given his first performance, it seemed prophetic--i think he should have been kicked off right then, right there, when he sang his forst song. the song he picked from the year of his birth was "on broadway", which george benson covered in 1978.

it. made. me. want. to. die. he was trying to make it creative, but none of the notes were correct. the melismas were overdone. if you listened to the music and weren't paying attention to the lyrics, you would not be able to tell that it was "on broadway" that he was singing. it was the worst thing i'd ever heard on american idol, or at least the worst thing i'd heard since ace young got kicked off a few weeks ago. elliot deserved to go home.

they announced the bottom two, and then the loser, tonight. they first showed taylor, who stayed safe. (SQUEE!!!) then they showed chris, who was also not in the bottom two (they'll get you sometime, blasphemer...sometime...) then they got to paris, who i thought was safest of all. nope...bottom two. sigh. still...elliot blew, there was no way she could get less votes than elliot. katharine and elliot were the last two--at least katharine was the safe one, and elliot the other member of the illustrious bottom two. (phew.)

then...elliot did it. he subjected the entire country to his version of "on broadway." again. it was even worse the second time than it was the first. i was yelling at the tv, and the only reason i didnt' throw anything was that the only thing i could reach for was my computer--and if i threw my computer, i couldn't bitch about how bad he was on the internet afterwards.

and then they announced it. elliot...go sit down, you're safe. SAFE? SAFE???? i could not believe my ears. paris getting sent home, while elliot gets to sing another week? wow. americans are stupid. (yes, i know it's probably futile to bitch about the stupidity of the people who vote for american idol, but do they lack the ability to hear? do they realise a decent song versus a butchered one when they hear it?!?! clearly not.

so now, they're flying to graceland. next week is elvis week. the idea of elliot singing elvis is making my ears preemptively bleed. the only stuff that he can do that's just boring as opposed to cringeworthy is the crooner-smooth-jazz-ish-stuff. not elvis. anything but elvis. help????

although the idea of taylor dancing around while singing an upbeat elvis song is making me giggle.

that's going to be awesome.
Judge Mathis is a special show. It's extra-special when both the plaintiff and the defendant are utter and complete morons.

"he just wasn't very professional."
--the dissatisfied bride, in reference to the combination minister and wedding deejay that she hired


"hitting on the bridesmaids is one of the perks of being a wedding deejay."
--the minister/deejay

the moral of the story?
watching bad tv > studying conlaw.
I am Gabor. I am your T.A.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

The Tick and Arthur, on a busted microwave:

"it was broken anyway. we'll get a new one tomorrow"--Arthur
"this looks like a job for legal tender!!!"--The Tick


The Tick, at a large store, shopping for said microwave:

[Tick looks at "you are here" sign]
"we just have to find the right "here", and microwaves will follow."
how did i miss this when it came out three and a half years ago?

some guy who changed his name to Jack Ass back in 1997 sued MTV over Jackass in 2002, claiming they plagiarized and defamed the good name of Jack Ass.

this is the funniest legal document i have read in a long time.
dear erwin*,

i'm cheating on you.

yes, i know i promised you all that alone time with me. i know i promised to take you to bed with me, to sit on the couch with you, to take you out on the town with me, to all the finest coffee shops, hole-in-the-wall chow spots, and libraries the central west end has to offer. i know i promised to be faithful, because you and you alone could save me from failing out of law school.

but, i'm cheating on you. with carl**.

face it, erwin. you're boring. you're dull. you don't regale me with stories of stupid floridians and their capers. if i were to lie in bed with you, i'd fall asleep before you told me anything interesting, anything that captivated my mind or my imagination. but carl...carl can do that. carl can keep me up all night, giggling at his crazy caricatures and his preposterous similes.

i hope you're not too mad at me...i'll admit, i'm a user. i'll still take you out with me today and tomorrow, because i need to use you for your constitutional enlightenment. but, the minute i get home, the minute i lie down in bed, it's carl i'm taking and not you. my heart, and my sanity, demand it.

sincerely,
me

*chemerinsky, for all you sane folk who are not up on the latest and greatest conlaw hornbook writers
**hiaasen, for all you poor, uneducated folk who have not seen the light of his hilarious words.

Monday, May 01, 2006

hahahahahaha.

i ended up, after poking around last.fm, on wikipedia, and on the nu-metal entry on wikipedia.

on that entry, there's a list of nu-metal bands, several of whom don't have any articles written about them.

i'm a nineties music whore. all those bands that everyone called "faceless"...i love way too many of them. nineties one-album (or, one-popular-album wonders)...so many of them were just underrated.

if i didn't have a final tomorrow, i'd stay up all night writing articles for the blank theory (how do they not yet have an article!!!), lifer, 3rd strike, grade 8...there's a mean voice in my head telling me to write the article about reach 454 as well, and write about how much they suck (i saw them open for cold and finger eleven and they were horrid!), but i'll be a sweetie.

all i know is that it got me to finally sign up for wikipedia. i think i have a project for the summer--enhance wikipedia's holdings with respect to nineties music articles!!!

i'm so uncool that i'm cool again.
i just saw a nissan ad featuring carhenge.

it made me happy.