Tuesday, January 31, 2006

i just found out that i was selected for an interview with the Missouri Public Defender! my interview is thursday morning at 11:40...wish me luck!!

::squees around in a circle::

Monday, January 30, 2006

words fail me. they really do.
Snidest Judicial Opinion Ever...or, a big Screw You to congress from your friendly neighbourhood bankruptcy judge.
if i win at property...then all i have to say is that TORTS IS MY BIZNATCH!!!!!
I WIN AT LIFE!!!!!

AND BY LIFE, I MEAN PROPERTY LAW!!!!!
i just finished doing my civ pro reading for today...go me! anyway, two of the selections we had to read for civ pro involved feature stories about process servers and the creative ways in which they serve process. it left me with one thought...if law school fails, process server is going to be one of my fallback careers (my others being the owner of a used CD store and the new person to wear the Dirt Cheap Chicken costume.)

process servers must have the coolest stories ever. a few of the most amusing ones i read included:

--walking up to an actress with flowers, having the actress ask if the flowers were for her, and telling her "no, but these are!" and serving her the papers.

--going up to an old lady's house, one who had been avoiding him for weeks, yelling "fire!", and when she came down...serving her process and running away.

--dressing up as the pizza guy and serving a subpoena in a pizza box. (although, i think it would be a lot funnier if i did it on some variation of a jack-in-the-box.)

--tossing process through a window and landing it right in a woman's hands as she's reaching into a bowl in her kitchen.

--telling another process server that she's heard he's awesome, that if he shows up tomorrow he can serve some processes for her--and the instead, serving him with a subpoena.

in other words, process servers get to dress up and do stupid stuff in order to grab people with the long arm of the law. what an amusing career!
i am going psychotic, absolutely psychotic.

today's the last day for professors to turn in their grades. thus, they should be posted to WebStac today, or at the very latest (if the registrar's office is delinquent in typing them in) tomorrow. i am still waiting on two of my grades, my torts grade and my property grade. especially now that it is after noon, i am so distracted about my grades coming out, distracted by hearing through the grapevine that this, that and the other grade has hit the web, that i can't read my civil procedure. this is bad, as i still have not even finished my civpro reading for last friday, much less today's class. the good news is that i'm probably off the hook since i got grilled in civpro last week, the bad news is that being behind in my reading is a bad precedent that i have to nip in the bud.

i guess we'll see if any of my grades come out today. if any of my posts are cryptic single sentences to the effect of "i am the biggest failure ever" or, less likely, "i win at life," you'll all know why.
it sounds as though my con law prof is pro-choice. that will make the privacy section of this course that much awesomer.
i am currently surfing the web, comparing prices on large-capacity iPods.

i wanna! i wanna! i wanna! i'm like a whiny little kid in a candy store! iPods are so shiny...

Sunday, January 29, 2006

"this victory has been bittersweet. the sweet is that we won state. the bitter is that you've all been drinking my urine."

--Moral Orel

Saturday, January 28, 2006

i logged onto webstac (wash u's equivalent of cmore, the computer student records system) to check my grades, probably for the third or fourth time today. of course, since it's saturday, there's nothing new up. i started clicking on random links under the list of student records i can access. i clicked on my "student record printout" just out of curiosity, just to se what was on there.

one of the headings on my record was labelled "milestones."

surprisingly enough, there was something on there. it wasn't getting on trial team, doing orientation, my outlandish halloween party costume, or anything i would actually call a milestone.

no, it was my locker on the second floor of the law school. listed under "milestones" on my student record are my locker combination and my locker number.

i find that rather strange. i have a new goal, though--have something cooler than that under "milestones" on my transcript.
apparently, last sunday was national sanctity of human life day.

sigh. i read this proclamation, and i wanted to do something funny with it. i wanted to annotate it with snide comments. but, nothing i came up with was particularly funny...and, reading it, i was thinking less in words and more in pure, unadulterated rage.

so, we are supposed to celebrate the preservation of the unborn, and for what?

to bless rape victims with the holy trauma of bearing their rapist's kid?

to exalt the mother who will surely die in childbirth, for sacrificing her years on this planet, her time and effort spent on her own life, because she happened to get pregnant?

to honour the young woman who has her whole life ahead of her with the privilege of dropping out of school or leaving her hard-found job to raise a child and hoping that God will somehow provide her with the funds, living space, and emotional support to raise it?

to rebuke the modern woman with a stern reminder that, despite any plan she has for herself, that God made her as a vehicle, an impenetrable haven, created only to replicate these new lives that may or may not be cared for, loved, and raised after those nine months inside her?

it makes me sick.
the client counseling competition was this morning. in my new black pinstriped skirt suit (it came on monday SQUEEEEEE!!!!) and my new electric blue blouse that i got on thursday (for 33% off SQUEEEEEE!!!!) i looked GOOD. i was ready to go.

and, the competition went well. this was lots better than the negotiation competition. it probably was that way because, unlike the negotiation competition, Roxy and i had half a clue what was going on, what we were supposed to do.

they release finalists later today. hopefully we make it. that would be awesome. either way, i feel really good about what we did.

last night was a blast...it was Hilary's birthday dinner. i was there with Hilary, Chris, Megan, Sophie, and Sophie's boyfriend Jeff. we went to maggiano's, had lots of awesome food, and had lots of awesome (and, at many turns, silly) conversation. we all need to go out more often.

anyway...i have two hours before trial team practice. i'm going to go get some food, as i ate about two bites of my bagel this morning before having to run out the door to catch the lindell bus.

Friday, January 27, 2006

i volunteer at the wash u law admissions office. today, i got a list of ten accepted students for next year that i have to email.

Carter was on my list. Best Coincidence Ever.
bids for interviews with the public defender, through on-campus interviewing, are due today at 5.

i have my resume written. i have my cover letter written.

i also need to upload an unofficial transcript--a listing of my grades.

i still only have my grades for contracts and legal writing up. no torts grade. no property grade. therefore, my "unofficial transcript" is currently woefully insufficient.

fuck you, registrar, for setting the deadline after the interview bids are due. professors are as susceptible to procrastination as students--we're all people here. you need to talk to career services, find out when employers need things, and set the posting deadline accordingly.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

i had a feeling yesterday that i haven't had in years and years.

i felt pure, distilled, unadulterated self-confidence.

i was in legal writing class yesterday. we had to bring in our first drafts of our settlement letters. in the context of talking about that, though, our professor told us that we had less than ten minutes to look over the facts, law, and arguments, and be ready to give an oral argument against a motion to dismiss for failure to state a claim on which relief can be granted. i was petrified. i enjoy public speaking, i relish the opportunity to do it, but i felt like whatever i said was going to sound stupid. i felt like i was going to go up there and sound stupid...and since i scream "i'm a future trial lawyer" like kevin screams "gay," i was going to be exposed as a fraud, a wannabe who didn't actually have any game.

the class runs along. the professor keeps calling on people to go up there, but it was clear he wasn't going to get to everyone. i was disappointed, because i wanted to speak in front of the class, but i was petrified, because i knew whatever i said was going to sound absolutely moronic.

cue ten minutes before the end of class. the professor solicits questions about arguments in the settlement letter. i had a question, a nuts-and-bolts organizational thing, which the professor answers...and then he hales me into the spotlight, tells me to go to the podium and to "make an argument, any argument" about the case.

i started talking...i picked what i thought was my most clever and contentious argument. he stopped me early in, and asked if, in fact, one of my premises had actually been proven, was as clear as i claimed. i went back, and argued that point fluidly! i didn't feel stupid, i didn't feel dumb, and the professor didn't shoot me down! he liked what i was saying! after that answer, i went back into what i was planning to argue in the first place. the facts, the law, the premises...it was all coming, and flowing, and i felt so good about what i was saying in front of the class. i wasn't even looking down at my settlement letter...it was sitting on the podium, but i ignored it. i just looked out at the class and the professor, made my points, and made a better, clearer, more founded argument right there on my feet than anything in that settlement letter.

i felt so good about myself when i went back to my seat. it was a complete reversal from all of the doubt that i felt when the assignment was made, less than an hour before. i felt good. i feel ready to make more oral arguments. i want to practice, i want to get even better...but it was a great start, getting stopped and started and questioned by my professor about the arguments i was making--without even flinching.

i don't think i've felt that good about myself, about a performance that i have made, since mock trial, back when i was playing brook sills.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

seven songs i'm listening to right now... (or, a music meme ganked from squelch84)

1. "heartache every moment" by HIM
2. "full colour guilt" by boysetsfire
3. "only one" by yellowcard
4. "time to waste" by alkaline trio
5. "i'm not okay (i promise)" by my chemical romance
6. "NIKI FM" by hawthorne heights
7. "a decade under the influence" by taking back sunday.

sigh. except for the first one, such a theme for songs stuck in my head. *whinewhinewhine*

yep. i'm a bad person. but, i love these songs regardless.

Monday, January 23, 2006

i was elected president of the wash u chapter of ATLA (association of trial lawyers of america) today. :) that makes me happy...i'm excited.
yesterday started sadly.

i was at trial team practice. it was 10am on a sunday, we were all tired and bleary-eyed, and joe was hung over. someone, before chris and i got in, got the brilliant idea to go to majestic, a greek-american diner in the central west end that is like salonica, only with beer and fun signs. The Judge wasn't getting in until noon, and when he did, he was working with the other team. thus, it became a general consensus that trial is good, but trial with coffee, omelettes, and tasty gyro meat is better. we were about ready to leave the school to go to majestic, when we realised that no one was clear whether or not we were going to have another coach come to our meeting or not. we thought dave, one of our lawyer coaches, may be coming to the meeting, but we weren't sure. i had his number, so i called him up.

i was not prepared to hear what i heard. i was prepared to hear either that he was coming to practice, or that he had been at work since 6:30 am because he had a trial coming up, or that he was just catching up on his sleep. instead...he apologized about not being at practice, said he wasn't going to be in today...and then told me his son died.

i felt so bad for calling him. i didn't know what to say. it's so sad...i couldn't believe it! his son was young...i found out later yesterday, looking at the obituary, that he was only twenty, and he was killed in a car crash.

tonight, the trial team is, as a group, going to the visitation. i am a little nervous, because i didn't know colin, only his father. but, still, he is there for the trial team, at practice, helpful...so we need to be there for him.

Saturday, January 21, 2006

the kinds of conversations that transpire when a bunch of kids are having a birthday party at st. louis bread company...

me: "when i was a kid, i only ever had two birthday parties. they were both at showbiz pizza. skee-ball, ball pits, whack-a-mole. although, it wasn't called whack-a-mole there, it was called whack-a-demon. because, you know, it's the bible belt, and you better be prepared for when the devil comes!"

chris: "hey, satan! your temptation is no match for my novelty mallet!"
i'm at school this afternoon, doing a scrimmage for trial team. my team is running plaintiff, and i play a forensic engineer.

i was on the stand today, and it took me three or four times to be able to say that i was a "forensic engineer."

why is that massively dorky?

because i kept saying "forensic economist."

Friday, January 20, 2006

i feel awful this morning. (yes, i'm aware it's 2:15, but i did not get out of bed until close to 1:30.) i ditched all my classes. hopefully resting today will make me feel better tomorrow.

i was going to go to a concert tonight--inept was supposed to be playing at the creepy crawl tonight. but, it says on both the creepy crawl website and inept's myspace site that the show has been cancelled. that makes me sad. i was looking so forward to that show. i haven't been to a concert since september, when escape from earth played off broadway. i haven't been to an inept show since i lived in chicago. that show was on my calendar for months, i was basically counting the days--to find out yesterday that it was cancelled is such a disappointment.

i got another one of my grades back yesterday, my legal writing grade. i thought that was going to be my best grade...it was ever-so-marginally better than my contracts grade, but still, i'll be an extremely unhappy person if that does shake out to be my best grade. i don't think i'm ever going to be happy with my law school grades...i came here to work hard, do well, and be extraordinary, not to see my grades as low as they are, despite my hard work.

i'll say maybe torts or property will be better, but that's probably not true. those won't probably be in until the end of last week. i know i'm going to be obsessively checking the website to see if they come in...i'm going to be a wreck waiting for them, and i'm probably going to be a wreck when i get them. i can't win this one.

there is one ray of light, though. the public defender informational meeting was today. one of my friend went, and relayed a bit of news to me--that if you don't get an interview with them through on-campus interviewing, that you can call their office and arrange an interview there. it's awesome that everyone who wants an interview with the public defender gets one. this is good, since that means i will definitely have at least an interview where i really want to work this summer. i'm going to go through the rest of on-campus interviewing as well, in case i don't get a position through the public defender, but i feel a little calmer about jobs now, since i will somehow get an interview with the pd.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

i took this meme out of curiosity...and i'm posting it because i think the result is spot-on.

what philosophy do you follow?

You scored as Hedonism. Your life is guided by the principles of Hedonism: You believe that pleasure is a great, or the greatest, good; and you try to enjoy life's pleasures as much as you can.



Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die!�



More info at Arocoun's Wikipedia User Page...

Hedonism

90%

Justice (Fairness)

65%

Utilitarianism

65%

Strong Egoism

60%

Apathy

55%

Nihilism

55%

Existentialism

45%

Kantianism

20%

Divine Command

0%

What philosophy do you follow? (v1.03)
created with QuizFarm.com

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

don't read this unless you want to start throwing things.

it's a collection of passages from state-approved abstinence-only sex ed curricula. it's from harper's, excerpted from information collected for a congressional report in 2004. it's scary, absolutely scary.

my favourite (and, by favourite, i mean most disturbing) part of the excerpts is the one that reads:

5 Major Needs of Women:
Affection, Conversation, Honesty and Openness, Financial Support, Family Commitment

5 Major Needs of Men:
Sexual Fulfillment, Recreational Companionship, Physical Attractiveness, Admiration, Domestic Support


i'm not saying that all of these, or any of these, are bad things per se. what i'm saying is that i have a problem with insinuating that these things are things that men can only get from women, or that women can only get from men. as in...financial support is great, but i don't want to rely on anyone but myself for it. or...family commitment is great if you're into that settling-down-and-having-a-family sort of thing, but i don't think it's an inherent womanly need: no matter what your gender, if you want to start a family, everyone involved should be committed to it, but it's not unnatural not to want one. and...don't get me started on men needing domestic support. again, if you're starting a household, whoever is starting it needs to divvy up the responsibility accordingly. but, don't insinuate in my sex-ed program that the men have to make the money and the women have to provide the "domestic support." there's nothing that has to be inherently womanly about cooking and cleaning.

i could keep ranting all night about this, but i have to go to mock trial practice. besides, it would probably do no good, because i can already feel the aneurysm coming on.
gmail is really amusing me right now.

i was in my spam folder deleting my spam. right above the part of the screen where the messages are listed, there's a bar. on this bar, there's a link to a recipe that involves spam. at the right of the bar, there are arrows that allow you to go back and forth, from one spam recipe to another. it has really random stuff, like french fry spam casserole, ginger spam salad, and the piece de resistance, spam primavera.

this is the greatest email feature ever. if i ever need to cook something with spam, i will have to look no further than my junk mail folder. that's a comforting thought.
why does Martha Stewart have a llama??

(context: i am in the law school lounge. the martha stewart show is on the television. martha stewart is standing there, hawking her new book or something. the book is is one hand. in her other hand is a leash, a leash attached to a real live llama.)

really, i hope the llama eats the book. and martha stewart. llamas are cool, and martha stewart annoys the crap out of me. she's not cool enough to have a llama.
i liked the marvelous 3 in high school. i heard freak of the week, really liked the song, and got into them from there. they were fun to listen to...i got hey album! and readysexgo, i listened to them every so often, and it was good.

it wasn't until a couple years ago, third year of college, when i started listening to them on a more regular basis. i started bringing those two albums to work and listening to them more and more...i don't know what it is, but they are a most excellent band. i didn't appreciate them to the fullest extent until then, which was long after they broke up. most of their songs are so upbeat and catchy, a lot more so than almost anything else that i listen to. it's not music i listen to when i'm moody and feel like wallowing in it; it's not depressing in the least. that's not to say all their songs are happy songs, but their music has a general glass-half-full air about it. and then, some of their songs are just silly.

maybe this is just more proof that i'm definitely a child of the nineties. despite the fact that readysexgo came out in the summer of 2000, they're still a thoroughly late-nineties band, and one of the best there is. there are so few bands who have so many songs that stand up to obsessively repeated listenings...and the marvelous 3 is one of them.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

never have i wanted a sex change operation so badly as i want one right now.

i am looking for a new suit, since my old ones have had the course. i have gone out to brick-and-mortar shopping malls looking for what i thought was a very simple request: a black (or otherwise dark) pinstriped skirt suit. there is a smattering of pinstriped pantsuits. there is a smattering of skirt suits, although all of them are either solid or garish and checkered and fringed, like a frumpy old lady would wear. none of them are right. i need pinstripes.

i then resorted to looking on the internet. i spent thirty or forty-five minutes on the internet a few days ago, looking. i've spent three hours and counting today, looking. it's darn near impossible--i've found three, just THREE, that fit the bill. i thought maybe it would be difficult to find one because of my size. no, that's not the problem at all. the elusive black pinstriped skirtsuit is just as elusive for the perfect size six as it is for the perfect size sixteen.

sigh. my goal is to place an order by the time i hit the sack tonight. it must happen. i must find the perfect suit in time to get it mailed here and tailored, in time for job interviews and mock trial regionals.

if any fashion designers happen to stumble over this for some reason...start producing more black pinstriped skirtsuits, for crying out loud! i can't be the only woman who would look best in that style of suit! i really can't be! it's a professional staple! it's easy enough to find men's suits that are dark and pinstriped! why not women's suits?

Friday, January 13, 2006

we are discussing long-arm statutes in civ pro. i can't help but snicker and be amused. no, personal jurisdiction is not that interesting. but, all i can think of is a certain beavis and butt-head quote:

Butt-Head: Beware the long arm of Butt-Head.
Beavis: Yeah, beware the long wiener of Beavis.

huh-huh. cool.
"only one"
by yellowcard

broken
this fragile thing now
and i can't
i can't pick up the pieces
and i've thrown my words all around
but i can't
i can't give you a reason

i feel so broken up (so broken up)
Aand i give up (i give up)
i just want to tell you so you know

here i go
scream my lungs out and try to get to you
you are my only one
i'd let go
but there's just no one that gets me like you do
you are my only
my only one

made my mistakes
let you down
and i can't
i can't hold on for too long
ran my whole life in the ground
and i can't
i can't get up when you're gone

and something's breaking up (breaking up)
i feel like giving up (like giving up)
i won't walk out until you know

here i go
scream my lungs out and try to get to you
you are my only one
i'd let go
but there's just no one that gets me like you do
you are my only
my only one

here i go
so dishonestly
leave a note for you my only one
and i know you can see right through me
so let me go and you will find someone

here i go
scream my lungs out and try to get to you
you are my only one
i'd let go
but there's just no one
no one like you
you are my only
my only one
my only one
my only one
my only one
you are my only
my only one
brilliant Pearls Before Swine today. i want to be a pioneer in the science of yelling at idiots.

dear asshat,

you were at my poker table. you're an old guy with a bushy, wilford brimley-style moustache and a nondescript old-guy polo shirt. you're not even very good at poker...if you were, you probably would not be playing literally every two cards the dealer gave you.

in other words, you are not God's gift to poker, or even God's gift to the 3-6 no fold 'em hold 'em table. you have no right to be such a jerk.

this includes when you started whispering in my ear about what a bad dealer we had. first of all, i don't like random strangers whispering in my ear. it's not very polite, and i prefer to choose which random people i let anywhere near my ear, my face, or my body. i did not choose you. you were just being skeevy.

second of all, you had no right to be complaining about the dealer. she was doing her job. she was dealing the cards, letting the game move along--and, unlike some of the other dealers i've had in my several years of playing poker, she was extremely friendly! she was chatting with the players as she dealt; she always had a smile on her face. i have had this dealer on many occasions, and she's one of the most pleasant ones i've ever had. she was not a horrible dealer. she was not completely oblivious to the game, as you claimed. and...you weren't whispering all that quietly. she could probably hear you.

she wasn't the only casino employee to whom you were amazingly rude. no, you were also a complete skeeve to the cocktail waitress. yes, she was young, attractive, and blonde. yes, she was wearing a corset, a shirt, and heels--just like all of the other cocktail waitresses on the riverboat. she was doing her job. her job is to serve cocktails. her job is not, as you asked her to do, to give lapdances. it was clear she did not find your request for a lapdance clever. she did not laugh. she was not amused. in fact, when you turned down cocktails and asked for a lapdance instead, she tried to walk away from you as quickly as possible. just so you know, asshat, that is her saying no to you. that is not, as you seemed to understand it to be, an invitation to ask her for a lapdance a second time. no wonder the next time we had a cocktail waitress come by our poker table, it was a different one. if i were her, i wouldn't want to put up with your sexual harassment again, either.

next time you come to the casino, i would appreciate it if you were more respectful toward other gamblers, and especially toward the hardworking employees who are there doing their jobs. otherwise, you don't deserve to go to a casino--or, really, anywhere else--again.

no love,
me


[crossposted to note_to_asshat]

Thursday, January 12, 2006

i am so frustrated. i know grades aren't due yet, but everyone who is not in my section has more than ONE GRADE out for last semester. the only official, final grade i have out yet is my rotten excuse for a contracts grade. this is bad, since the grades are not due until AFTER the deadline for submitting all of the materials for my application to the public defender's office. this is bad, since the public defender's office is where i really want to work this summer. i am, of course, in no position to email my professors to tell them that if they do not submit my grades, i will more than likely be out of the job that i want, but i really want to send them howlers.

i had my first con law class today. my professor is hilarious because he's nuttier than a fruitcake...for any of you U(C) physics people out there, he reminds me way too much of bob geroch. he's somewhat more intelligible, which is good, and his geeky mannerisms are a little more over-the-top, which is amusing, but i still get the feeling that he's a lot more of a thinker than a teacher, and his lecture today was a stream-of-consciousness look into the crazy workings of the neurons of professor paulson.

also, i think all of section a must now think that i am That Guy. who knows, i may end up being That Guy in my con law class. but, what the heck was i going to do? the professor was asking pretty easy questions, no one was raising their hand to answer them, no one in the class of 80 people or so...it's painful to hang there like that, it's better i raise my hand and answer the bloody question than feel like the whole class is sitting there dumbfounded at 9am, right?

speaking of 9am, i'm surprised i made it to class this morning. last night, chris and i went out to a bar, since it was the watch site for the kansas basketball game. this bar has $5 pitchers of any beer but guinness all night on wednesday nights. i have a funny feeling chris and i are going to be spending way too many wednesday nights at the st. louis sports zone, between it being the kansas watch site and it having such cheap pitchers of good beer. somehow, though, i managed to get up at 7:40, get my act together, and be at school on time.

this has nothing to do with anything, but it's so bizarre that i have to relate the story. a while ago, i was watching some bad late night television. there was an ad that came on for some fitness video. i could hear the voices talking about "yoga[garble]ballet." i was very confused by this, since it looked like all the middle-aged white women in leotards were doing neither yoga nor ballet, but some kind of hip-hop dancing. i watched, confused, for a second, as they kept repeating about how "yoga[garble]ballet" was such a great workout and how their life had changed because of "yoga[garble]ballet." they never showed them doing yoga or any bastardized version thereof; they never showed them doing ballet or any bastardized version thereof. finally, they showed a copy of the video they were trying to sell. it was called "yoga booty ballet." what? disconnect! i guess by "booty" they mean hip hop dancing, and there's a lot more booty than yoga or ballet. it's still the most ridiculous combination ever, in my opinion. i wonder who thought of it...and how much money they are making from middle-aged white women who think these videos will make them hip and/or skinny. words are failing me right now...but it was the most surreal advertisement for a fitness video (or, really, anything) that i had ever seen.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

it's the epitome of better safe than sorry. i have a couple of problems with this law...first of all, i think it's a little overboard to require all men to carry condoms, but if they're requiring men to carry condoms i think they should, for equality's sake, require women to carry protection as well. still, i think it's a step in the right direction...it's better everyone carry birth control, as under this law, than no one in school be taught about it, as is happening way too often here in america. sure, not everyone is going to actually need that condom there, some people will still choose not to have sex despite the law, but it's well-meaning and i support the intent behind it.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

i refuse to admit what song i am actually playing on my iTunes list, but it suffices to say that i am channeling my inner Ian Kemp.

it's scary that i actually have an inner Ian Kemp, somewhere.
i wrote this on christmas, but hadn't actually remembered to post this until today.

gracefully

under the tree i saw it
just yesterday
a new red wrapped box
from a dusty corner of the past
hoping it would disappear by christmas morning

an unfortunate incident involving the dog
or someone's careless steps
a deviation caused by one too many glasses of christmas wine
or by just not looking

destruction
disappearance
anything to avoid confronting it
in front of everyone else
on christmas morning

i thought an hour too late
of spiriting it away
out from under the tree
but by then everyone was gathered around
passing everything out one by one
and there was no way to deal with it gracefully
abscond with it
before anyone knew they were there

the box was picked up
it was handed to me
i tried to lay it down gracefully
before anyone else noticed

“no, you go ahead and open yours”
“it's alright, go ahead”
“let's see what you got”

it worked a few times
and then the attention fell upon me
and that red hollied cube at my feet

i tried to pass along gracefully
and was pushed to explain anathema
not opening a present
on christmas morning

i said i wasn't comfortable doing it
and left it at that
and the room fell quiet
and they looked at me
and i had nothing to say

(exactly the same thing i have to say
to the corner of the past
from whence that box came)

they moved along
later gracefully spiriting two more unseen boxes
from the same corner
over to me
without asking questions
or for an explanation
knowing i would not talk about it

although later i was asked what i would do with them
open them
return them
i said i didn't know

and now all three boxes
are by my clothing
and my luggage
and my other christmas presents
the ones that escaped the wrapping
together in a pile

i close my eyes and sit and think
of fire lapping over it
just let it disappear and burn
the boxes char before i learn
whatever was contained inside

and sweep the ashes away
as gracefully
as i swept their awful benefactor
out of my presence

Monday, January 09, 2006

a few things, since i've been delinquent on my blogging lately.

--school is looking good this semester. i had civil procedure and criminal law today. both of those professors look like they're going to be awesome.

-- i finished all my homework for tomorrow before 4 today. that means i don't have to do more work after i get home from mock trial.

--i swam AN ENTIRE KILOMETER after crim law today. i am proud of myself. i have decided that i'm going to make a habit of hitting the pool every day after crimlaw, since i have a long break right then every day.

--as of friday evening, i have my butch hair back. yay for me.

--i'm knitting a blanket. it's going to be purple and green, cute and fuzzy. yay for me there, too.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

for your amusement: because the lyrics to the full song are even more bizarre than the little portion they play on that boston market ad.

"eat steak"
by reverend horton heat


eat steak eat steak eat a big ol' steer
eat steak eat steak do we have one dear
eat beef, eat beef it's a mighty good food
it's a grade a meal when i'm in the mood

cowpokes'll come from a near and far
when you throw a few rib-eyes on the fire
roberto duran ate two before a fight
'cause it gave a lot of mighty men a lot of mighty might

eat steak eat steak eat a big ol' steer
eat steak eat steak do we have one dear
eat beef, eat beef it's a mighty good food
it's a grade a meal when i'm in the mood

eat meat eat meat filet mignon
eat meat eat meat eat it all day long
eat a few t-bones till you get your fill
eat a new york cut hot off the grill

eat steak eat steak eat a big ol' steer
eat steak eat steak do we have one dear
eat beef, eat beef it's a mighty good food
it's a grade a meal when i'm in the mood

eat a cow eat a cow 'cuase it's good for you
eat a cow eat a cow it's the thing that goes mooooo

look at all the cows in the slaughterhouse yard
gotta hit'em in the head
gotta hit'em real hard
first you gotta clean 'em then the butcher cuts 'em up
throws it on a scale throws an eyeball in a cup

saw a big brangus steer standing right over there
so i rustled up a fire cooked him medium rare
bar-b-q'ed his brisket and roasted his rump
fed my dog that ol' brangus steer's hump

eat steak eat steak eat a big ol' steer
eat steak eat steak do we have one dear
eat beef, eat beef it's a mighty good food
it's a grade a meal when i'm in the mood
well...after a really calm, lazy tuesday...trial team is now in full swing. i had four hours of it on wednesday, seven and a half of it today (two actual meetings, and i spent the time after the first one preparing for the second one), three hours of it tomorrow, and then practice on saturday...who knows how long that will be, but probably long because two coaches will be there. it feels so good being back in the game, starting with a team, from scratch, on a new case. we're running into all the crazy theories and holes--this case is as messy as any case that AMTA throws out. (it's as poorly written as well...we'll see what happens when the edits come out.)

on another topic--am i pathetic? i'm watching GSN, and there is an episode of millionaire on. i have seen this episode. i saw this episode maybe two or three months ago. i remember all the questions from having seen them when it was on before. yes, my name is nicolle, and i am a game show network addict.

law school grades are a rollercoaster. i got that contracts grade that i'm still not happy with. none of my class grades are back, but i got my grade back on the research log that i was working on (and, of course, freaking out about) two months ago, and i'm actually happy with how i did on that one. *sigh of relief* sometimes you feel like a moron, sometimes you don't, i guess.

anyway...meme time. yay.

1. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

if you know me well enough, you know the answer to this.


2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be?

Simple Plan. they made "perfect" for me and the Good Doctor to laugh at, they've served their purpose. now, they really need to disappear.


3. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

right this second, the moron who wrote the ATLA law school case.


4. What is your favorite cheese?

sharp cheddar. extra sharp cheddar. the sharpest cheddar ever.


5. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your immediate disposal. What kind of sandwich would u have and what would be on it?

roast beef, extra-sharp cheddar, and fresh mozzarella on honey wheat.


6. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie-celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once (they will never call you back). Who is it?

Catherine. Zeta. Jones.


7. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Same rules as above. Who is it?

James Black. i bet he'd be a dynamo in the sack.


8. Now that you've slept with two different people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. How are you gonna spend it?

take the boy out for sushi at seki, and then go for darts, karaoke, and beers at blue hill.


9. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

london. definitely, london.


10. Upon arrival to the aforementioned location, you get off the plane and discover another hundred-dollar bill. Now that you are in the new location, where are you gonna go to spend that?

first i'd change it into euros (haha)...then i'd find some hole-in-the-wall pub and try some random, really heavy english food that i've never heard of. then, i'd probably have most of it left...so i'd walk aimlessly around the city until i saw something that looked fun to do, and go do it.

11. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. "Be brand-specific" it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don't drink booze there's something you can figure out... so what's it gonna be?

Grey Goose Vodka. hands-down.


12. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there?

the fraction of a second before the big bang...so i could see what really happened.


13. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

you're not allowed to be stupid. if you're stupid, judge nicolle gets to fine you for being stupid.

(okay, my second rule would prohibit murder...but my first one has to be more fun than that.)


14. You have been given the opportunity to create the half-hour TV show of your own design. What is it called and what's the premise?

i would call it "cash or bomb." there would be three contestants, and they would compete in a round of answering questions for points. the one with the most points after that round would go to the box round. there would be a set of twenty boxes--one of them would have a grand prize ($100000 or so), nine of them would have another cash prize (maybe $5000), and ten of them would be rigged with a "bomb"--when it was opened, it would go boom, and cover the contestant with something yucky. the contestant would then get seven questions--for each one he or she got right, one of the bombs would be taken away. for each one he or she got wrong, one of the cash boxes would be taken away. then, the contestant would pick a box, open it, and either get the money inside--or get covered with something icky.


15. What is your favorite expletive?

asshat.


16. One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing anything, they're just standing around your bed. What do you do?

i'd look at them, be really confused, and yell at them to go away. if they didn't go away, i'd start trying to kick them in the nuts.


17. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don't worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what's the one thing you're going to save from that blazing inferno?

my laptop...my life is on this thing.


18. The Angel Of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel Of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour?

have sex. preferably a threesome.


19. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What's it gonna be?

teleportation.

20. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

the half an hour before fourth round at des moines in 2004 :)


21. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

a certain picnic-table make-out session my first year of college, just so everyone would stop harassing me about it.


22. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit... you can move to anywhere else in the world!

canada. probably toronto.


23. This question still counts, even for those of you who are under age. Check it out. You have been eternally banned from every single bar in the world except for ONE. Which one is it gonna be?

exit, back in chicago. it's an awesome punk bar with a great juke box, and a dominatrix who humiliates people in public every thursday night. it's awesome.

24. Hopefully you didn't mention this in the super-powers question.... If you did, then we'll just expand on that. Check it out... Suddenly, you have gained the ability to FLOAT!!! Whose house are you going to float to first?

i'd float on over to kansas city to see the boy.

25. The constant absorption of magical moonbeams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier have given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous-person of your choice. So which late celebrity will you bring back to life?

i think i'd bring Eleanor Roosevelt back to life. i think she'd be lots of fun to hang out with.


26. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn't think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

my father's mother...she was really cool, and smart, and i think she got alzheimer's way too soon, before i could realise the full extent of her awesome.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

i watch law and order as a TV getaway from law school. right now, they're sitting around and discussing tarasoff, the torts case about the shrink who didn't tell a girl or her parents when his patient threatened to kill her.

that is not an escape. that was the case ellis grilled me on, made me look like a moron on. thumbs down at you, law and order. there's some reality i can take (i.e., trial examinations that are not objectionable, although that's too much to ask), but there's some reality that's just not cool. case names, especially ones that any old first year law student reads in torts...just not cool.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

despite the name of this blog, i am not in fact a crack smoker.

this guy, on the other hand, is. this is the funniest video i've seen in a while...i mean, really: who responds to "this car i stole is a bait car" with "i should start smoking crack as i flee from the cops"??

to say this is Extra Special is the understatement of the year.
i WANT this shirt.



enough said.
okay, anyone who knows mid nineties music will probably find this as disturbing as i do.

i am watching TNT. there was an ad for a rodeo-competitor themed reality show.

i'll give you a guess as to what song they used in the background of the ad was.

give up?

touch, peel, and stand by days of the new.

in a show about rodeos, riding animals, they were using touch, peel, and stand. and, it wasn't the full song...it was awkwardly edited to keep out the phrase "you are the one to abuse." of course, since that phrase is repeated over and over again in that song, the editing was really, really screwy.

i guess the line "i've finally found the reason, i don't need an excuse," one of the lines they did use, is, in a vacuum, appropriate enough...but if you know the rest of the song, it's just unsettling.
i am watching an episode of divorce court. it's pissing me off. there's this woman. she's married to this guy, and she cheated on him. she cheated on him with another woman, and now they're together. she's still married to this guy. her excuse for this is "he knew i was bisexual when we got married" and that "i can't turn off my bisexuality."

sigh. idiots like that make me sick. they give bisexuals a bad name, and perpetuate the notion that bisexuals are so prone to cheat. it's no excuse at all. if she married one single person, it's up to her to either only sleep with that person or to sit down and discuss the parameters of the relationship with that person. preferably, that's a discussion she should have had with him before she got married. if she knew she couldn't just commit to one person, she should have thought of that before she got married. she should have found someone who would consent to being in an open relationship, or she should have stayed single...found some sort of honest nonmonogamy. i don't have a problem with nonmonogamy--on the contrary, i think it's great for people to admit that monogamy is not their thing, and to structure their relationships accordingly. but, the key word is to admit it--instead of getting into some sort of monogamous arrangement and then going behind their partner's back.

i guess this goes to my general concept of sexuality--that the key to it is for everyone involved in any given sexual situation to be on the same page. i guess this is probably too much to ask of idiots who end up going on divorce court to settle their differences.

Monday, January 02, 2006

you know what's great about going to chicago? even though i don't live there anymore, it still always feels like home whenever i go back. sure, there may be a few funny stories here and there that we may be behind on telling each other, but that's what staying up late, or running around town, or any kind of hanging out is for, right? the weekend was absolutely amazing...i spent all of it with the guys, and then last night, abby and jess came over for trivial pursuit, and then mel came over while we were watching duck tales dvds.

new year's eve was quite amusing. we (me, kevin, phil, josh, chris) went to north beach. they had bowling, and they had open bar from 9-1. it was hilarious...around 10:30 or so, there was this woman who came up to our table...about our age, quite attractive except for the fact that she smoked. she puts her drink down at our table, and starts saying something about how we shouldn't put roofies in it...that was weird enough. i crack a joke about how great it is to be a woman, and not need to use roofies in the pursuit of getting laid. she then is like, "well, what if you're a lesbian," and talking about how much more difficult it is to get girls to sleep with you...and then she changes the subject to the idea that she thought we were all drama techies (she was a theatre something-or-other...maybe a performance artist...i don't really remember.) basically, she was hitting on me. majorly. of course, i didn't actually do anything about it, but it was very, very amusing to the guys there, and very amusing to me. i mean...maybe i'm a bad person for it, but even when you're taken, it's always fun when attractive people try to flirt with you. this situation...was a little bit of that, a little bit of WTF, and all the way amusing.

also all the way amusing were the drunk dials. we made a lot of them. there was much singing of auld lang syne (or some approximation thereof), much saying of random stupid things...i really don't remember a whole lot by that point.

yesterday was beautifully lazy. i slept until almost noon, and we stayed at kevin's all day. i was still in pajamas, even when everyone came over. we watched a lot of football, and kevin cooked a lot of meat. (yes, we made tons and tons of jokes about all the hot meat...it was amusing...we were acting like teenagers.)

today, though...not as much fun. today i went back to st. louis, because supposedly we were having mock trial practice. the greyhound ride was uneventful, but i'm still sick of travelling... and, then, it took forever for the city bus to come and take me home. at least it finally came, at least i was waiting in the right spot. (i was afraid i was not.)

and now i'm back home. i'm exhausted, but i'm not actually sleepy. i haven't heard about when trial team practices resume, and chris can't come to town for another couple of days, so right now i'm a little hacked that i didn't stay in chicago an extra day or two...if i am told to be back in town by the 2nd for trial team practice, i would really like to hear from the coach or my team or something, and have somewhere to go that justifies me not still being in chicago. hopefully i'll hear something about it tomorrow.

either way, it's just so strange being in st. louis without chris. it's so weird sitting on the couch, being lazy, not having class for an entire week...and not having him here to hug, to enjoy the lazy time with me. it's strange, and it's sad.