tomorrow morning, i'm doing something i haven't done in years. it's something that's so Not Me that i'm almost ashamed to be admitting that i'm doing it, but it's something i've been curious about for so long, that i want to just step out and do it...and tomorrow i am.
i'm going to church.
since i lived in chicago, i've been batting around the idea of going to a unitarian universalist service, just to see what it is like. i've read a bunch of stuff about it on the net over the last year and a half, maybe two years, just on and off...i'm intrigued by the idea of a religious, yet non-creedal, community. i'm still not quite sure how it works, but i like the idea of there being a group of people to talk faith with, a regular community of devotion and centering, without a rigid set of beliefs.
why now? why tomorrow instead of a year or two ago, or a year or two from now, or never? i really don't know. i haven't had any sort of epiphany, any sort of finger of God or anyone else pushing me, nudging me, telling me that i need to go. it's more like...i've had this curiosity in the back of my mind for a while, i've got this weekend on my own, going to a service instead of reading about it on the internet for the umpteenth time would be a productive and possibly enriching thing for me to do.
the reason i'm almost ashamed to admit that i'm going to a service is that i'm so against organized religion. i still haven't quite decided where unitarian universalism fits in as being organized religion or not, under my conception of it. from what i've read, i'm open to possibly saying no...because even though there are ministers and services and structures, there doesn't seem to be One Book, or One Prophet, or even one way of conceptualizing God. my biggest reservation about organized religion is the feeling of a flock mentality...the fundamentalist substitution of church teaching for independent thought, the old relic from those visits to high school bible study. from what i know about unitarian universalism, i don't get the feeling that there's such a substitution there, or a desire for people to make that substitution.
i still have a lot of questions, i still don't know what, if anything, this curiosity will lead to. but, as it stands, i'm going to a service tomorrow. we'll see what happens.