Tuesday, May 09, 2006

notes to the american idol finalists

dear taylor,
you should kick simon cowell in the head. whenever you're extremely entertaining, he knocks you. he's just jealous. your jailhouse rock was possibly more entertaining than your play that funky music was last week. you even did justice to the more toned-down song...in the ghetto is my favourite elvis song, and you sang it well.
i still think you should be the next american idol.

dear chris,
three words: nickelback does elvis.
tossing rotten tomatoes,

dear katharine,
you have such a good voice. you were surprisingly good at hound dog, although forgetting the lyrics is something you should try not to do. also, that first shirt you wore was heinous. i can't help falling in love with you was...well suited for your voice, but overly bombastic. it was...unnecessary.
you can sing, but you've made too many little missteps.
trying to let you down easy 'cause i like you,

dear elliot,
no, i am not convinced that you are evil. i am only convinced that you are a boy band reject who likes the melismas way too much. and, you still make my ears bleed.
whoever sticks a cork down your trachea would be doing a public service.
get voted off soon,

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