(regular text is the moron customer. italicized text is our hero, the video game store owner who's amazingly good at telling stupid people that they are stupid.)
"What's this about you claiming I stole your PlayStation!"
"Actually, all I did was an older English polite version of 'hello'. 'Good day' means 'hello' as saying 'hello' to someone you weren't formally introduced to prior was considered impolite in the 19th century."
"You told the police I stole your PlayStation!"
"Very well then. What is your phone number as I have no idea who you are."
"I don't have an account here."
"Then I would suggest the claim that I told the police you stole my PlayStation would be a conjecture of your imagination."
"I pawned my PlayStation, and when I went to pick it up, they said it was stolen from here."
"Very well then, how about I phone and ask what's going on."
[Gord phones the department of the police that handles property crime. It seems that the system in question was stolen a year earlier by someone who cancelled the card after renting. The system was reported stolen [and serial # given in case it ever turned up at a pawn shop] and the address the person gave was also false. They were holding it for me, and just hadn't brought it down yet. So in fact it was stolen, just not by her.]
"Well, that solves that problem. That machine was stolen by someone a year ago."
"Give it back to me or I'll sue!"
"First, it's not even here yet. Second, sue me for what?"
"That system wasn't yours anymore! I legally bought it!"
"Property ownership does not legally end at the unlawful removal of the property via theft. And as such, all future implied ownership transfers are on their face false, as my ownership is still the one that is accepted before the law."
"I'll sue! I own it!"
"You'll sue for what I may ask?"
"To get it back!"
"Under what act of the law will you use?"
"uhm.... I'll get a lawyer!"
"You'll spend $175 an hour on a hopeless cause for a $140 machine that you bought used? Oh, and welfare doesn't pay for lawyers. A court only gives you a lawyer if you are being criminally charged."
"You haven't heard the last of me!"
opinion by the honourable justice Gord.
i swear, i've gotten so hooked on Acts of Gord. hilary told me about it today, and i think i've made my way through almost all the stories on the site over the course of the day. that's not to say i haven't been productive...i have done my torts homework for tomorrow, outlined the whole semester of contracts so far, and outlined about half of my twelve page memo for which i have a draft due on friday. but...when torts or contracts or the memo get way too boring, reading Acts of Gord is just the ticket.