Tuesday, September 13, 2005

right below the sudoku in this morning's st. louis post-dispatch, there was a small box with a few ads from the post-dispatch personals. below it, there's a disclaimer. the first sentence of the disclaimer reads:

"Personals are for adults 18 or over seeking monogamous relationships."

that really bugs me. i mean, what if you want to post a personal ad to find someone when you're in a consentingly open relationship, or to join some other arrangement of polyamory. the post-dispatch personals are probably a little too mainstream to have much luck in that effect (you'd probably be better off in the riverfront times, or craig's list, or some internet site for nontraditional relationships...), but the fact that they have the provision there just annoys me on principle. it's the newspaper's right to have that provision, and keep out ads that don't appear to be seeking monogamous relationships, but i think it's, on principle, unfair to relationship structures that are not monogamous by the choice of the involved parties.

i assume they are referring to what often happens in personals...spouses looking to cheat on their spouses by posting personal ads. yes...if your spouse is under the impression that you are in a monogamous relationship, then posting personals to look for another partner is a very sleazy thing to do, it's something you shouldn't do. but, that provision is not going to prevent a spouse from representing himself or herself as single, and there's no way the post-dispatch is going to know that it's a spouse looking to hoodwink their spouse.

in short, i think having that verbal proscription against nonmonagamous relationships is only going to serve to keep away and offend people who are in nonmonogamous relationships by choice and may be looking for another partner, and will not deter the sneaking liars who are actually likely to cause harm and heartbreak by the very nature of the arrangement they are looking for.

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