Thursday, December 30, 2004

short plaid skirt? check.

lacy black tank top? check.

blood red lips? check.

heavy black eye makeup? check.

sexily dishevelled hair? check.

black knee boots? check.

time to go to exit.
...and sometimes this becomes less a place where i rant, and more a depot for weird news.

first of all we have
this guy, who has decided to pull a time-tested prank, but forgotten that it's probably better to use an office copier after hours for such a purpose.

Man makes 3 photocopies of his buttocks

CLAYTON, Mo. — Police arrested a man who allegedly dropped his pants in the crowded lobby of the St. Louis County Courthouse and made photocopies of his buttocks. Police found Daniel Everett holding two copies he had already made. He was making a third. ''What did I do? What did I do?'' witnesses said Everett asked police. Everett, an immature 38, told police that the copies were intended as a practical joke for his girlfriend.

and then there's
this guy, who is now one of my personal heroes. what can i say? there's just something fascinating and admirable about someone who will put their money where their mouth is, and not give kids presents if they're naughty.

Dad tries to sell Christmas gifts on EBay

HOUSTON - The kids were naughty, Dad put the presents on eBay instead of under the tree - and Mom's been crying ever since. Now, even the tree's down.

Saturday morning was sure not to be very jolly for three brothers - 9, 11 and 15 - who didn't straighten up when their father told them Santa wasn't too pleased with their fighting, cuss words and obscene gestures.

Dad and Mom had warned their sons that the Nintendo DS video system - and the three games that go with it - were headed for the auction block if they didn't get their act together.

"No kidding. Three undeserving boys have crossed the line. Tonight we sat down and showed them what they WILL NOT get for Christmas this year. I'll be taking the tree down tomorrow," the man announced in his eBay posting.

"If you don't buy them, we'll return them to the store," the seller known online as magumbo_2000 reported on the site.

Thursday night, the auction wound down with bidding at $465.01 - below the price the man had set. He said he would probably list the items again.

A single day of particularly bad behavior set the Christmas crackdown in motion.

"These are normally really good kids," said Dad, who asked the Houston Chronicle not to reveal his name. Dad even admits he and Mom are partly to blame for being too lax at times.

But enough was enough. The warning of an impending sale came earlier in the week at a sit-down between offspring and parents.

"We told them they were destroying each other and the calm and peace in the household. It had to stop," said the man, who did tell the paper that he works as an information technology specialist and lives in Pasadena.

The boys pledged to be nice, but were back to their old ways the next morning.

That night, Dad announced that he would indeed be putting $700 in video games up for sale on eBay. The oldest boy double-dared his dad to make good on his word.

Dad said Mom has been in tears since the showdown.

"I don't do it outwardly," he said, "but I'm crying on the inside."

and finally...don't, under any circumstances, try to
mug greg raymer. you'll fail miserably.

Poker Champ Fights Off Attackers

LAS VEGAS - Greg Raymer, the 2004 World Series of Poker champion, apparently knows how to wield more than a stack of chips when everything is riding on it.

The soft-spoken patent attorney from Stonington, Conn., fought off a pair of attackers Dec. 20 at the Bellagio hotel-casino after he had finished playing a cash game of poker, according to a Las Vegas police report.

Raymer was returning to his room about 2 a.m. when two men approached, the report said. As he opened the door to the room, they tried to push him in.

But the heavyset Raymer resisted and began struggling with the men, the report said. As he was fighting, one of the men pulled out a gun and said: "We just want the money."

But Raymer didn't give up, and yelled for security, causing the men to flee.

A security officer said one of the suspects was a poker player and also recognized him from a previous incident.

Police made an arrest in the case but the report didn't identify the person.

Raymer, known as the "Fossilman" in poker circles, won the WSOP Texas Hold'Em title and $5 million in cash. He beat out a field of 2,576 in May to win the prestigious event.

On a poker message board, Raymer recently wrote: "I don't write this to brag, I just want any robbery-minded people out there who hear about this to know that I'm a tough mark, and they won't get that much off me even if they succeed."

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

alright, dear readers. i have a question, and i'd like honest answers.

what's more pathetic? having experiences that are patently high school when you've been out of high school since 2000, or the fact that most of these experiences that are stereotypically high school, i didn't even experience until i was over twenty years old?

just wondering. don't know why i'm thinking about this right now, but i'm curious.
...and so ended the three day visit of my boyfriend to chicago. it was a wonderful time...albeit way, way too short. i can't believe i'm going to have to go another few weeks, almost a month, without seeing him. the way it's looking, i won't be able to see him again until the mizzou tournament.

we did do some fun things while he was here. monday night i met up with him and his family downtown and we went out for a nice dinner at cielo. i got to wear my long black dress, he wore his suit, we were all dressed up, and it was adorable. i also had lots of seafood. i love seafood. :) after dinner, we spent a nice night in. we tried to listen to the mr. science cd he burned me, but two of the three tracks didn't work, so there was only twenty minutes of amusement by that. hopefully he'll get it all to work soon, so i'll be able to listen to all of the skits. mr. science was a radio segment that a family friend of his did, i think back in the seventies. it's weird, and absolutely hilarious. i guess it was aimed at kids, but the sense of humour is just perfect for me.

it was kind of odd earlier, boyfriend had told me his flight was coming in at 3:35, so i was at midway waiting by security at around 3:10 or so. i get a call at 4, and it's i'm assuming that was him getting off the plane. no...he had just gotten to the hotel, turns out his flight came in at 2:50. biggie, midway's not all that far anyway. i went home, changed into my cute dress, and went downtown.

yesterday i met him around 12:45 or 1 at the museum of science and industry. there was a long line to get in, but it was lots of fun once we did get in. whenever i go to that museum, i feel like a twelve year old again... we went through the toymaker exhibit, the train exhibit, all of the chemistry and basic science and anatomy stuff upstairs...we didn't get to do the coal mine, which made me a little sad, but the line was way, way too long. the museum was way swamped yesterday for some reason.

after the museum, we all went downtown and had some giordano's favourite. :) i told him and his family, if they were having chicago pizza, that was the be-all and end-all. after that we walked around michigan avenue, all the way up from randolph to the drake, and then back down to huron, where their hotel was. the streets were full of holiday vacationers and after-christmas shoppers, but it was still an extremely fun trek around. downtown is so pretty after dark...

then, last night, we went out to dinner at the chicago chop house. i'd never been there, but it was very, very good. i had surf and turf...i love lobster, and i love filet. it's one of my favourite dishes of all time...between stuffed giordano's pizza and surf and turf at the chop house, i think i was in food heaven yesterday. it was rather funny at the end of the meal, when the waitress was taking pictures... the first picture she took, my boyfriend's eyes were shut. so, we had her take another one. this time, i decided to pose a little differently since i looked really silly in the first one...and then, in the second one, it looked like my boyfriend was choking me (since his arm was positioned right across my shoulders, as if it was barring my neck). i don't think we ever did get a picture exactly right...but it was fun to try.

today i was back downtown at nine. my boyfriend and i spent some time chilling in the hotel, drinking coffee, and then he, his family, and i went down for some breakfast. we then walked to millennium park...i'd not yet been there, but it was rather pretty. we took some pictures, saw the bean (or, as you purists want to call it, cloud gate...), saw the new music shell. the music shell looks so weird from the street, but it's so striking up close...especially the beams that arch over the lawn. we then went back to the hotel and i had to say my goodbyes...they all were going to see spamalot (which they only had four, and not five, tickets for), and then their flight was scheduled for right after that.

...and, as usual, i suck at goodbyes. i try not to, but i always, always cry. this time was no exception, and i looked like a sappy, sentimental fool walking down huron street this afternoon. but, what can i say? i miss him already.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

my boyfriend's in town. i got to see him last night...we went out to dinner, and he was wearing a suit. words fail me in describing how good he looks in a suit.

now he's downtown with his family, though, and i'm in old hyde park, but i'll be seeing him later today. hopefully soon...

Sunday, December 26, 2004

nice waitstaff always make dining out so pleasant. i was downtown doing a few errands today, and i decided to grab a bite to eat at pizzeria uno, since i had never eaten there. the pizza wasn't bad, although i still prefer pretty much any other kind of chicago pizza to theirs, but the waitress i had was just so nice. she was a little old lady, probably sixty-five if a day, and she was just very sweet. she was attentive, she was prompt, and she was extremely personable. i never fill out comment cards at restaurants, but i had to this time, just to give her kudos.
funniest field sobriety test ever.

this guy is really, really dumb.

Saturday, December 25, 2004

i finally got my copy of "year of the spider" back yesterday, i had left it at my friend's apartment when i was living there last spring.

it's a masterpiece. there's not a bad song on it.

and, it reminds me like nothing else of the end of my third year...and my fourth year, i listened to it a lot then too, but it reminds me of the end of third year...most namely this one day when two of my friends were going to go to detroit to see roger clemens try for his three hundredth win. they called to invite me along...but my roommate had hidden the phone, and i couldn't dig it up in time. i wrote some lines from "change the world" on my shoulder bag, and then i moped a lot...i must have listened to year of the spider several times that day. i don't quite know why this cd triggers that day in particular (since i've listened to it so many times since), but it does.

"if this doesn't break your heart i'm the one to blame..."

Friday, December 24, 2004

i can't believe it's christmas eve...

i really can't stand holidays. i haven't even done anything holiday-like today, at all, but just the knowledge that it's a holiday, or almost one, is enough to turn my stomach. it fills my head full of memories of rotten, obligatory holidays past.

it doesn't even go away when i'm away, in chicago, relatives just called me, and i couldn't pick up the phone. maybe i'll call them tomorrow, or they'll call me...i'll have to talk to them sometime, but not until tomorrow.

i wish my family had been anti-holiday, or at least didn't take them so seriously. this is probably another reason why me having kids would be a rotten, rotten idea...i'd probably let them grow up knowing holidays were evil, and then they'd possibly resent the world more than i do. then again, maybe it would be a good thing if they grew up knowing that...because then they wouldn't have to learn it themselves, the hard way, like i did. there was a day when i was young and full of wonder, when i enjoyed holidays, when i looked forward to holidays. now i know that they're merely a facade, a distraction, and an unpleasant one at that.

Thursday, December 23, 2004

miniature reese's cups are evil. there's a jar of them in law cataloging, right by my desk, for anyone in the office to eat. they're so tiny and cute, and quite frankly they melt in your mouth and taste better than the full-size ones. they're not as yummy as the peanut butter eggs/christmas trees/holiday shaped hunks of peanut butter, but they're amazing. i think i'm on my third one today.

in other words, i'm eating them like candy.

hey, at least i'm not coming in for another week, so no more eating lots of reese's cups, at least for the next week.
holy hand grenades. this article in this week's onion sounds just like what happens whenever i see my relatives. leave it to the onion to get exactly right why i didn't go "home" (if you can call idaho that, given that i've never lived there and have no roots there whatsoever) for christmas this year.

Area Daughter Belittled Out Of Concern

PENSACOLA, FL—Out of concern for her daughter's well-being, Valerie Guzman spent the majority of her 26-year-old daughter Nancy's brief holiday visit belittling her.
Nancy and Valerie Guzman.

"You only have that small bag?" Guzman asked Sunday when her daughter stepped off the plane. "You don't plan to wear the same outfit for three days, do you? You remembered we're going to the DiSicas' dinner, right? I don't want you running out at the last minute and buying a dress with money you don't have, just because you forgot to pack something nice."

"It would make things so much easier on everybody if you'd just plan ahead," added Guzman, whose first priority is the well-being of her children. "I mean, think about what you're doing once in a while."

Within the first hours of her daughter's visit, Guzman attempted to help Nancy by noting that her job doesn't pay enough and observing that her wardrobe is "scruffy."

"You could be doing something better if you'd put your mind to it," said Guzman, who is simply worried about her daughter's future. "I have no idea why you stay at that place. You say you like it, but I'm concerned about how you manage to get by."

Guzman observed that Nancy's hair looks better when she cuts it short, that drinking coffee is staining her teeth, and that men don't like women who curse. The mother cared enough to help Nancy plan her visit with her high-school friend Barbara Legstrom, as well.

"Are you going to try to see Barbara this year?" Guzman asked Sunday evening. "Because if you're going to have to run all the way across town again, you have to think about it ahead of time. You're here for such a short visit, and we have so many family obligations."

Nancy told her mother that she and Barbara would probably go out for drinks some night after everyone else had gone to bed.

"Well, don't wear your nice clothes to the bars," Guzman said helpfully. "You always reek of smoke after you go out with her. You don't want to smell like an ashtray for brunch at your brother's, do you?"

Nancy said she understands that her mother only wants what's best for her.

"Mom says she gets involved because she cares," Nancy said. "Apparently, she lies awake at night worrying about me and my brothers."

Although the topic has not yet been broached, Nancy said she expects that her mother will want to discuss her July 2003 breakup with long-term boyfriend Keith Solanas.

"She usually brings Keith up when other people are around," Nancy said. "I don't mind people knowing about my personal life. She just asks if I still talk to him. She always says she has no idea what could've possibly gone wrong. Then she tells me she feels bad for me because she knows how hard it is to find a good guy these days, especially for someone who's almost 30."

Although her father Thomas tends to be less emotionally open than his wife, Nancy said she knows that he cares, too.

"Dad doesn't get as involved in my life," Nancy said. "But he does always say, 'Listen to your mother.' And he'll check to make sure that my car is clean and my trunk has antifreeze in it if Mom tells him to."

Nancy said that when she moved away to go to Boston College in 1994, both she and her mother had hoped that there would be less need for parental guidance. This hope soon faded.

"I thought that when I moved so far away, Mom wouldn't be so much a part of my life," Nancy said. "But I still find myself relying on her. Like, if I talk about going to Ikea, she tells me that I have too much clutter and that's probably why Keith left me. That sort of thing."

Nancy acknowledged that her mother is right to say she has a temper.

"Every once in awhile, I even blow up at Mom," Nancy said. "Like, once, I told her that eyeliner doesn't make me look like a hooker and that she shouldn't talk to me that way. Well, after she ran to her room crying, I realized I shouldn't have snapped at her."

Nancy said she has been the object of her mother's constructive belittlement since she was 4 years old, when Guzman told her it was unladylike to run in a Sunday dress.

"Even if I land a million-dollar job, marry a great man, and lose 20 pounds, I know my mom will always be there for me," Nancy said. "It's like Mom says: No matter what, there's always room for improvement."
...i had the most disturbing dream ever last night. its details are not appropriate to post here...not because they were in any way sexual, since they weren't (and when was the last time i shied away from talking about sex here?), just because they were so demented that no one would probably follow it--and that you'd probably have me committed. let's just say it was a dream about a mock trial political battle...that pitted liberals against conservatives...who were trying to argue the fate of our program...and all of these political battlers were from other schools (but they cared for some reason)...and one of our coaches, the one that the most illogical of the people in the forum tried to pin our wrongdoing on, was mr. anderson, the neighbour from beavis and butt-head.

i still don't understand it myself, and i had the dream.

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

...because they're back together, they're playing a show on the 29th (albeit in l.a...), and they're just one of the greatest bands ever.

by onesidezero

so sorry whisper all night
i lay here deep in silent plight
my head consumes the light
too much thought
my life's evolving
i wish that i could buy
another world that's all grown up
inherit sleepless cries
i'd rather kill the torment
kill the torment

it's alright
i won't
i'm always awake
this time
forgive me
surrender awake

you've seen the worst of my dreams
i can't escape this endless breach
holding on so tight
writing lovers stories hopeless
so place on my eyes
the sins of my life
can't wait
see my hands above her
see my hands above her

it's all right
i won't
i'm always awake
this time
forgive me
surrender awake

it's all right
i won't
i'm always awake
this time
forgive me
surrender awake

it's all right
i won't
i'm always awake
this time
forgive me
surrender awake

it's all right
i won't
i'm always awake
this time
forgive me
you're always awake...
...i have the sweetest, cutest, most adorable boyfriend ever, and i'm about to melt into a sappy little puddle right about now. :)
all i have to say is, ellix powers is the man.

"he called me with jack high! i ain't never in my life called someone with jack high!"

that never gets old.

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

screw being good, i'm stick of staying in. i've been wanting to check out neo for a while. there's no cover tonight, so i'm going to doll myself up nice and scary and go there. who knows what i'll find? i'll probably freeze my butt off waiting for CTA in both directions, but who cares? not me, right now. i want out.
online music videos that you can post in your blog...i love it!!!

since i posted a quote from this song almost a year ago, i think it's only fitting that the first video i post here be "you're so last summer" by taking back sunday.

that, and i'm having a whiny-emo day...and taking back sunday is one of the best of the whiniest.

Video code provided by KEKAI BOY
i'm feeling really, really worthless today. i'm not feeling worthless in the worst-person-on-earth kind of way that i usually do, though...i'm not feeling worthless-as-detrimental. i'm feeling worthless-as-average. i'm feeling nothing i'm a complete dullard with a dead-end job ready to fall prey to the forces of the Real World, of not being quite good enough to succeed, but not being quite horrid enough to fail all that miserably.

i was trying to find a good jim's journal comic to post here, to fit the mood...but apparently none of the strips are online. that makes me sad. someone should change that.

Monday, December 20, 2004

i've found something even more addictive than bordello battles: myspace. i set up a profile on there a few days ago, and now i just click bands i people i've met at people who like the same bands i's mesmerizing.
i'm sluggish, but i'm not sleepy. i just need to get the heck out, do something tonight other than sit and vegetate in front of the television. yesterday i didn't see a single living, breathing human visitors, no friends, no passers-by on the street, through the window. that was rather depressing, and hope never to repeat in whatever time i have left on this earth.

more people i know need to be in chicago.

Sunday, December 19, 2004

this afternoon, i actually recalled a good memory from being in boise last winter break, and i can't believe it's already been a year since it happened.

i had plane reservations for the next morning, early. i think i was supposed to leave the airport around six, seven in the morning. i don't remember. anyway, i should have stayed in, packed, and gone to bed early, so i could feel good on my flight home. shockingly enough, that didn't happen.

i'd been on virtual lockdown since i'd arrived in idaho. it wasn't that i was in trouble, it's just that boise wasn't really home. i didn't have a driver's license, and therefore could not drive a car. i didn't grow up there, so i had no friends in the vicinity to speak of. as my little brothers went out every night to hang out with their friends, work out, party, play basketball, do whatever it is that their high school society does, i was stuck at home reading novels and watching trading spaces. i hate trading spaces, but my aunt loves all things home decorating, and there were christmas-season marathons of it.

it was the last night, though, and i needed out. i didn't like sitting in at home every night. i hadn't let loose at all since i had flown into town, a week hence. i suggested to my brothers that we go out. it didn't matter a whole lot to me what we did, or told my aunt we were doing, i just wanted out of there. they were up for that, for one because we hadn't really hung out without adult supervision at all while i was visiting, and secondly because i was 21 and could buy lots of booze. on any outing we decided to do, we all knew it was a foregone conclusion that we would drink. they were seventeen and eighteen, respectively...old enough to drink in my book, but sadly not old enough in the eyes of the law.

so, we told my aunt that we were going to the sub, going bowling. i had never before been there, and to this day i don't know what it looks like. all i know is it's some sort of student union at boise state...apparently they have bowling and pool, and i assume you can get fast food there. my aunt pulled me aside and told me that even though i was old enough to drink, that there would be no drinking when we went out, since my brothers were not old enough to drink. i told her i understood, and then went off with my brothers. we piled in the explorer, and drove away.

of course, we had no intentions of going to the sub. our first stop was at the nearest gas station, where my brother said we could get "steelies" for cheap, a buck twenty-five. he was obsessed with these "steelies"...tall boys of steel reserve malt liquor. i had consumed more than my share of alcohol since i was seventeen, but my only experience with malt liquor was the previous summer, when the older of my brothers and i had each chugged blazing hot forties of olde english 800 that had been sitting in his friend's trunk for twenty-four hours in the middle of the summer. needless to say, it wasn't a very tasty experience...although the drunk excursion to the driving range that followed was rather amusing.

against my better judgment, i went in the gas station and bought five steelies: two for me, two for the older of my brothers...and just one for the younger one, since he had to drive. i tried to tell myself that they wouldn't taste so bad, since they were icy cold. and, even if they weren't the taste sensation my brother claimed they'd be...i was sure i'd drink them anyway, i had drank my share of bad frat-party beer and poorly mixed drinks in my three and a half years of college education. these couldn't be any worse. i paid for the booze and went back to the car.

i don't even know where my brothers drove to. it was behind some sort of building...we were in the back of a parking lot, an eighteen-wheeler obscuring the suv in which we drank. i can't remember if the parking lot was for a hospital or an office park or what, it was some sort of large, soulless building. it wasn't too far from the bowling alley...not the one we told our aunt we were going to, but emerald lanes, the one i'd been to once or twice before on innocent family or neighbourly excursions.

we sat in the vehicle and drank. i don't remember all of the stories we told...some of them were innocent, some silly, some was the kind of family bonding i always imagined when i was younger that i'd have when i was older. it was that night that i realised that my brothers had come of age. they were telling stories about school, their friends, everything that they weren't telling my mother or my aunt. steel reserve loosens the tongue as effectively as wine does, and at one point i told my brother a story that was too much information, to retaliate for the t.m.i. he had given me over the summer. my story about a couple of one-night-stands i'd had with punk rockers, as bad as it was, was still less revolting than being told by my brother about a foursome he had. still, it was enough...he yelled at me a bit for telling him anything of that nature, and we moved drunkenly on. we must have sat there for an hour and a half, two hours...long enough for the older of my brothers and i to finish our cans, and long enough for the younger one to drink his and sober up enough to drive again.

when he could drive again, we drove to the bowling alley. that was probably the lowlight of the night...i enjoy bowling, but we were there to meet a friend of my brothers' along with his girlfriend, and it was awkward. i did feel like i was impinging on something that i wasn't a part of, but i was too drunk to care a whole lot. i attempted to bowl, although i failed miserably...although i average over a hundred, and was in a bowling league at the time, i only managed to bowl a seventy-seven. i know the younger (and more sober) of my brothers beat me, and i think the other one did too. we only bowled one game, though, which was fine with me because i wanted to leave.

after we left, we still didn't feel like going home. since it was just pushing eleven, it wasn't curfew yet...we had to be home by midnight, since the city of boise has a midnight curfew for people under eighteen, and my aunt imposed that on my seventeen year old brother. we got some more drinks, a sixer of icehouse this time since i was picking the drink. i was still not, even after the steelies, converted into a malt liquor drinker.

i did cave in for my brothers and get them the drugstore cigars they requested, i think they were vanilla flavoured. they had to smoke them in the drugstore parking lot, since my aunt would flip if the car smelled like smoke. i also caved in to them by trying one; i had never smoked anything before that night. if i learned one lesson that night, it's that my brothers' taste in vice needed a lot of improvement...malt liquor tastes bad no matter its temperature, and a few puffs off of those cigars were enough to convince me that i had been right all along in my conviction that smoking was unpleasant. after the cigars were gone, we hit the road again, windows down, speeding, so the car would smell fresh by the time we got home.

befor we stopped to drink the beers, we swung by the jack-in-the-box and bought some food. they were the only fast food place open, and a combination of hunger and necessity to not be too sloppy-drunk in an hour convinced us that food was a bright idea. i don't remember what i got, but i do remember being in the parking lot, drunk-dialing my friend for no particular reason, telling him i was drunk then, but i would be flying back to chicago the next day, and that i would see him at the airport.

finally, we found a place to stop and drink the beers. we sat in the car, heat blasting, in the parking lot of an empty park near the house, until the beers and food were gone. i remember even less of what we talked about then, since i was so drunk, but it was still interesting and amusing indulging in vice with my brothers.

we got home right at midnight, and my aunt was sleeping on the couch. all of the lights were off. she woke as we entered, glad that we were indeed home by curfew. we told her how much fun we had bowling at the sub, and i think we told her we even shot a game of pool. of course, there was no mention of steelies, icehouse, vanilla cigars, or emerald lanes. there was no mention of the parking lots, the truck, the park, or the stories that, with any luck, she would never hear from anyone. there was no mention of the bonding that had gone on. we went upstairs as soon as we could and congratulated ourselves on a fun night out and a good job concealing it from our aunt. they stayed around and chatted with me as i attempted to pack my clothes, my christmas presents, and my other stuff back into my suitcase for the plane flight the following morning.

after i finished packing, i turned on the tv and let it lull me off to a few hours of drunken sleep, before the flight. it was no fun getting up, no fun checking in for my flight, no fun fighting off the hangover, and no fun puking in the trash can by the security line...but it was worth it for a night out with my brothers. i don't talk to them all that often, or see them all that often, although i sometimes chat on aim with them, and see them whenever i happen to be in boise. still, i really should see if they'd be interested in coming to chicago to hang out...i'm sure they'd have fun, and maybe we'd have another time as memorable as this one.
...i don't ever want to live alone. i hate this so one else in the apartment, almost all of my friends are out of town, and i'm about to go stir-crazy. it's so bad that i'm almost looking forward to going to work tomorrow, since that means i'll be able to leave my apartment for the first time since friday afternoon.

this sucks more than anything that has ever sucked before.
somebody has delusions of grandeur, or is just trying to scam a few people out of lots of money. his third testament, about the Slut Epidemic, and how women are adult and need to marry older men at the age of twelve....eeeewwwwwww!!!!!

and, what's more, his business bio is equally nutty. i don't back buying linux from that guy...

(i found this link off of the superhero photoshops on fark today. the sheer ridiculousness of it has made my day, which is quite a feat given that i usually even resent being awake this early.)

Saturday, December 18, 2004

if you're bored, and you want to procrastinate...come take my quiz.
reforma broke up last month.


i'll miss them lots and lots...they're one of my favourite local bands, or they were. at least i did get to see them four or five times before...this.

"you gave them all that you could give
you gave them all your pride
and all your tears..."
dear criminals,
don't be stupid.

Accused Bank Robber's Note Leads Police Right To Him

Man Already On Probation

POSTED: 5:53 pm CST December 17, 2004

MILWAUKEE -- A bank robber's note helped police catch the man who allegedly held up a Wells Fargo Bank in downtown Milwaukee.

The robber handed the teller the demand note Thursday morning.

She gave him the money and he left.

He was quickly arrested when it was discovered he wrote the note on the back of his probation papers.

He was on probation for a previous bank robbery.

Friday, December 17, 2004

i'm such a loser. i'm doing something i haven't done since i was in high school: staying in all night and doing internet chat. it's just as inane as i remember it, but there's this really stupid guy in the bordello battles chat room...and i like making fun of stupid people.

i'm pathetic.
bordello battles is the most addictive online game ever. it's all about pimping ho's and stealing from other whorehouses...the sillest, most morally bankrupt game ever--but it's so much fun!!!

almost time for the office christmas party. you look up scrooge and you find my face, not to mention the fact that it'll probably be two of the more dull hours of my life...

...but compared to barcoding books, it's a bonanza. :)
it's friday. the holiday party at work is today at 3. and, my boss just gave me a big tin of chocolate fudge.

life is awesome.

Thursday, December 16, 2004

i was brushing my hair this morning, and i realised that my hair has grown out quite a bit. i now have indie-rock hipster guy hair. that would be fine, if i lived in wicker park and went to go watch the latest fashionable, unsigned guy who mumbled incomprehensible lyrics into the microphone and fancied it to be deep.

but, given that my preferred hairstyle is more along the lines of butch-dyke-punk, i really need to get it cut.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

some huge nerd decided to build logic gates out of legos. i love it. many cookies to my boyfriend for sending me this link.'s eleven a.m. and i've already got some farktasticness for today.

first of all, a story that makes me want to tear my hair out...more evidence that we should jettison Alabama and let it become the Christian Fundamentalist Republic of Alabama...i guess there's a lot more where Roy Moore came from.

judges shouldn't be able to get away with any writing on their robes, much less something that so blatantly violates the separation of church and state.

Ala. Judge Wears Ten Commandments on Robe

By BOB JOHNSON, Associated Press Writer

MONTGOMERY, Ala. - A judge refused to delay a trial Tuesday when an attorney objected to his wearing a judicial robe with the Ten Commandments embroidered on the front in gold.

Circuit Judge Ashley McKathan showed up Monday at his Covington County courtroom in southern Alabama wearing the robe. Attorneys who try cases at the courthouse said they had not seen him wearing it before. The commandments were described as being big enough to read by anyone near the judge.

Attorney Riley Powell, defending a client charged with DUI, filed a motion objecting to the robe and asking that the case be continued. He said McKathan denied both motions.

"I feel this creates a distraction that affects my client," Powell said.

McKathan told The Associated Press that he believes the Ten Commandments represent the truth "and you can't divorce the law from the truth. ... The Ten Commandments can help a judge know the difference between right and wrong."

He said he doesn't believe the commandments on his robe would have an adverse effect on jurors.

"I had a choice of several sizes of letters. I purposely chose a size that would not be in anybody's face," he said.

The case raised comparisons to former Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore, who was removed from office in 2003 for refusing to remove a Ten Commandments monument from the rotunda of the Alabama Judicial Building in Montgomery.

Moore said Tuesday he supports McKathan's decision to wear the Ten Commandments robe.

"I applaud Judge McKathan. It is time for our judiciary to recognize the moral basis of our law," Moore said.

Powell said if he loses his case, he expects the judge's wearing of the Ten Commandments robe to be part of an appeal. other, unrelated, yet amusing news, "crack ho" is now in the OED. that really, really cracks me up for some reason...

"Crack Ho" and "Hoochie" Added To Oxford Dictionary

NEW YORK (Wireless Flash) -- Hip hop-based words have entered the vernacular of many English speakers and now they have found their way into a prestigious dictionary.

More than 2,000 new and revised word entries have been added to the online edition of The Oxford English Dictionary and a small contingent of them come from the P. Diddy and Eminem arena.

For example, the word "benjamin," meaning "a one-hundred dollar bill" and more generally, "large sums of money" made its way onto the list.

Other hip-hop words that were added:

-- "Hoochie," which means "a young woman who is promiscuous or who dresses or behaves in a sexually provocative or overtly seductive manner."

-- "Thugged out" is defined as "resembling a thug in dress or behavior, tough-looking."

-- And finally, the dictionary editors have added "crack ho," which is defined as "a prostitute addicted to crack cocaine."

Dictionary spokesman Jesse Shiedlowe says he expects a lot more hip-hop words to be added in future editions of the dictionary as long as the music genre continues to stay popular.
response to thought no. 2 last one wins, but it's sidesplittingly funny. :)

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

a few disjointed thoughts...

--there's a blog i read sometimes. it's rather interesting...i thought it was written by a female, but now i found out it's written by a male. if you'd have asked me before as to whether knowing that would make much of a difference as to how i'd read the blog, i'd say no...of course not...that sounds silly. but, in fact, it does make a difference as to how i conceive of the blog. probably it's because it's a rather sexually-oriented blog...but, i guess it's an example of the difference between reading and watching television or movies. if i'm watching tv or a movie, everything's visually placed in front of me. reading leaves a lot more to the imagination...specifically, it leaves everything to the imagination that the writer does not explicitly say. i think that's one reason why i love reading so much, why i prefer it to watching television or movies.

--when stupidity butts heads against stupidity, who wins? who cares? is it amusing or sad?

--my fingers are cold.
i don't know who bob rivers is, but he needs to die.

he did a christmas themed cover of "because i got high".

he called it "be claus i got high".

wow, it's bad.
it's too bright and sunny today. that needs to change. the sun is shining right in my eyes right now, and it's pissing me off. it's supposed to be winter...dark and grey, where seeing sunlight is a rare occasion.

i want to go to sleep, pretend the sun does not exist, and pretend i do not exist.
what a difference a night makes.

last night was wonderful...going downtown (to a bar called shenanigans, no less) with lots of mock trial friends, drinking and joking and having a wonderful time...nights like last night i wouldn't trade for anything.

and today i feel horrific.

i don't feel hung-over horrific, i woke before my alarm and didn't feel like i drank a drop last night. i feel horrific as in unhappy, as in i'm feeling again as if i'm the most worthless person on earth. i just feel like i'm about to...buckle. i'm really, really not looking forward to the fact that after friday, i'm going to be alone in the apartment. it's just so desolate there if i'm the only one...i've been alone there for a day or two, but not for two weeks. maybe it'll be good for me, in a twisted, needing-to-pay-penance kind of way, but right now i feel the need to be anywhere but there.

or, i guess, anywhere but there or boise.

Monday, December 13, 2004's still monday, it's still boring, but at least i get to leave here in an hour and a half. there are so many things i should do, but i know i'm going to just sleep, or watch bad tv, or read silly books.

i'm a bad person...but i found another meme that i really like, and am going to put in here. it has to do with songs...and i'm a sucker for song associations. i am using songs by Cold. a note on my answers...the song title may say some of it, but probably not all of it, so the titles link to the lyrics.

Use a band's song titles to answer the questions.

1. Are you male or female: strip her down

2. Describe how you feel about yourself: insane

3. Your best piece of advice: don't belong

4. Describe a previous relationship: she said (yes, this ex was a he...but don't be picky about the pronouns here.)

5. Describe your last crush: stupid girl (since crushes are really shallow, unrequited things...)

6. Say something to someone you have feelings for: cure my tragedy

7. Say something to an ex: witch

8. Say something to someone who hurt you severely: go away

9. How do you feel right now: wasted years

yesterday was just all-around a good day. it was one of my roommate's birthday, so we went out for a nice dinner to celebrate. :) it was good conversation, yummy steak...good times. i wish i could do stuff like that more often, but it really is nicer when you only do it for really special occasions.

earlier in the day i went to the library. it was such an encouraging, heartwarming sight...harold washington library opens at 1pm on sundays. i got there a few minutes before 1...and there were throngs of people, just waiting to get into the library! sure i've seen that for u of c campus libraries, especially around finals week or midterms week, but this was a public library, with random throngs of the public clamouring to get into the library! i'd never seen that before, and it made me happy. in the library, i checked out lots of fun books...whichever ones my boyfriend recommended to me that they had, and then some random books that i stumbled upon and couldn't pass up. i love the public library...

but today, it's monday. it's back to work. blah. only five more hours until i can leave...

Sunday, December 12, 2004

...the year in review.

1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before? a school year started, and i wasn't in school. it was so beautiful!!!!!

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? i have a policy of not making new year's resolutions, ever.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? nope...

4. Did anyone close to you die? no, thank goodness.

5. What countries did you visit? well...the united states of america...that was it...does kansas count as another country? i went there a lot!

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004? a seat in a good law school.

7. What date from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? april 4th, 2004...i was in des moines...and i caused a little trouble...and now that person i caused trouble with is my wonderful, adorable boyfriend. :)

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? i probably ::should:: say graduating college, but i could really care less about that...i'd say getting over myself enough to start doing law applications, and spending last saturday in the reg working on them all day without crying.

9. What was your biggest failure? my performances at the northwestern mock trial invitational this year.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? well, the occasional cold/headache/hangover, but nothing serious at all

11. What was the best thing you bought? lots and lots of bus tickets to go visit my boyfriend. :)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? my friends and my boyfriend, who have all stuck with me through this somewhat unstable year. i love you all.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? the republican party, for applying such insidious scare tactics with respect to "terrorists" and queers.

14. Where did most of your money go? food, rent, going out with my friends, playing poker, fun trips to visit my boyfriend

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? my boyfriend, coaching mock trial, herodotus the talking stick

16. What song will always remind you of 2004? hmmm...well, there's "ocean avenue" by yellowcard, that always seemed to go on the radio while driving along k-10...and then there's "the nurse with amnesia" by shades of fiction and "what about everything" by carbon leaf, the two songs i couldn't stop playing this past summer...and then "what you gave here wasn't fear" by grundig--although it's a really old song, i've thought about it a lot this year, and i only discovered it back in march.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? definitely happier. i'm off of school, i'm happy with the direction my life is going in, and i've finally had the balls to drop whatever bombshells i've needed to on my relatives instead of seething in them forever.

ii. thinner or fatter? mmm...dunno...maybe a little fatter, but it can't be that much because i wear the same size.

iii. richer or poorer? poorer, in a sense...i went from broke-as-a-joke but with student loans and a dorm and all to broke-as-a-joke and having to pay rent and bills.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? being productive and responsible (i went through this year not caring a whole lot about anything other than sleep, goofing off, my friends, and my boyfriend)

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? getting wound up over law school, and crying and procrastinating instead of getting those applications done

20. How will you be spending Christmas? in chicago, with my Supportive Gay Friend and his family :)

22. Did you fall in love in 2004? indeed i did... ::gets all mushy thinking about my boyfriend:: :) :) :)

23. How many one-night stands? stands that went all the way...1 (i guess it was a one-weekend stand, so maybe technically two nights...but one guy...). one-night stands that didn't...umm...i don't even know. five or ten? this was all in the first three months of the year, when i was still single...i can really be a slut.

24. What was your favorite TV program? still beavis and butt-head. i watch it on my tapes. but, if it's a tv program that's still on the air now, i'd have to say any poker show. i watched a lot of poker on tv this year.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? indeed.

26. What was the best book you read? "the corrections" by jonathan franzen

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? shades of fiction, breaking benjamin, krim

28. What did you want and get? to be able to coach mock trial, go to tournaments, and judge rounds

30. What was your favorite film of this year? either dodgeball or harold and kumar go to white castle

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? i turned 22...and i spent my birthday at the illinois state mock trial tournament. i judged a round that was a crime against mock trial. then i ate pizza, and the team gave me a cake that said "happy birthday goat" on it.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? so much money that i didn't have to worry about working a job :)

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004? as usual, whatever i pull out of the t-shirts and jeans, mostly.

34. What kept you sane? my boyfriend, my friends, reading books, writing, sleeping

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? ummmm...fancy as in a sexy way, catherine zeta-jones. fancy as in an oh-my-gosh-i-want-to-be-you way, howard lederer.

36. What political issue stirred you the most? the election...mainly the queer issue, the abortion issue, and the bush-lied-about-iraq issue

37. Who did you miss? my boyfriend...long distance can be so difficult sometimes, but it's great when i get to see him...and he's such a wonderful person, i'll deal with the distance if it means i can be with him.

38. Who was the best new person you met? my boyfriend. :)

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004: good things can happen when you least expect them and aren't looking for them to happen.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: "i'm not a failure...i'm just true to myself"--"can't talk to you" by krim

Saturday, December 11, 2004

it's saturday night. we were just playing scrabble. first we were listening to dosage, and then we switched to the colour and the shape.

holy nineties. holy high school.

we're pathetic.

Friday, December 10, 2004

...i'm inebriated right now, but i'm posting here.

drinking at herodotus the talking stick is awesome.

squee!!! :)
thanks to this link off of today, there will be a lot more people who know about The Greatest Thing Ever...

whiplash the cowboy monkey.

Thursday, December 09, 2004

you must be smoking crack if you think i'm going to apply to law school out east, much less go anywhere out east.

a certain stony island resident ya to death, but yes, this means you.
when it's finals week, but you're not actually taking finals, it's super-trippy. last night was the first night all week that i've gone out, since some people i knew were finally done with stuff. everyone's going crazy, overworked, trying to get everything done...and i don't have the pressure of finals. granted, i have the pressure of law school applications, but they don't have to be done at noon tomorrow or bust, like final papers do. i don't remember it being this strange last spring, finals week, when i wasn't taking classes...but then again, i was also finishing that political machines paper that was a quarter late, and i was expending all my energy fending off my relatives and the hell they were dragging me through.

didn't go into work today...i have to give a bunch of people sheafs of papers with which to do my letters of recommendation. i also have to print out the new case changes...i've read all of them, but i don't have copies in my case binder. that would be good. and, if i spend long enough in the reg, i can also print out the midlands rules of evidence, which i need in my binder and haven't had in there all season long.

i need to get a move-on. i've been up since eight, but not done anything productive yet.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

would it be too much to ask for me to just disappear?
i'm sure there must be a few legal nerds who read this who will appreciate this article from the latest onion.

Son, We Need To Talk About This Supreme Court Obsession Of Yours

Son, could you come in here for a second? Well, I'm sorry, but that newspaper's just going to have to wait, because we really need to talk. Son, your mother and I have been worried about you. Your grades have been slipping, you've been spending less time with your friends, and you've been shutting yourself in your room for hours at a time. Now, I know it may make you feel uncomfortable to talk about it, but this Supreme Court obsession of yours has become a problem.

You can debate with me and defend yourself all you want, but it's evident to your mother and me that your interest borders on unhealthy. The Supreme Court is all you talk about. You lie awake at night making up fantasy scenarios about what kind of decisions William Rehnquist might make in the matter of Jill L. Brown, Acting Warden v. Charles Payton. I mean, you get more excited about the first Monday in October than your friends do about Super Bowl Sunday! Son, you shouldn't plan your life around the start of the new Supreme Court term.

Okay, name one thing you do, besides sleeping or eating, that doesn't involve the Supreme Court. Bassoon lessons don't count. Your mom and I make you take those. If you had your way, you'd be up in your room, cutting pictures of your favorite justices out of the Washington Post to add to your mural, which is another thing we need to discuss.

It's perfectly natural to go through a Supreme Court phase. I went through one myself when I was your age. I remember spending hours in the library poring over orders of the Court. I spent nights lying in bed imagining I was presiding with Warren Burger or John Jay. I even had quite a collection of court drawings from the Furman v. Georgia case that—well, I think I was able to get them because my friend's dad knew someone who knew a lawyer. No, son, I don't still have them. My point is that I know what you're going through.

But here's the difference: Even though I was an enormous fan of the Supreme Court, I had other interests. I read mysteries. I went to movies. I kept up on the appellate and state courts and played basketball with friends. I had some of my favorite opinions up on the wall, much like you do, but I also had a couple of pictures of hot rods and a poster of Mia Farrow. Look at your room—there's nothing but collages of court justices through the years. Your floor is covered with printouts of opinions and dissents. You spend all night on the Internet holding mock Supreme Court hearings in the chat rooms. I don't want to say it's not normal, but I do think it's behavior we need to evaluate.

Well, because it's affecting your school career. When you fake being sick, it does. Do you think your mother and I are stupid? Do you think we don't know when Court TV airs major Supreme Court decisions? Son, everybody is interested in what the Supreme Court has to say, but you can't skip school just so you can watch the outcome of United States v. Galetti. Why can't you be more like everyone else and read it the next day on page 42 in the newspaper?

Your mother and I thought if we talked to you, we might be able to show you just how far you've sunk into this Supreme Court obsession. But it's clear I'm not getting through to you. From now on, no Supreme Court of any kind. No decisions, no dissenting opinions, nothing. We're taking away your computer, and I'm going to talk to the school librarian, so if you think you can look at Supreme Court information at school, you've got another think coming. If I catch you with so much as a stay application, you'll be grounded for a month!

You're still free to read about the appellate courts, and of course I won't take your law reviews. I know it's not the same. But if you behave, maybe your mother and I will let you have your copy of Closed Chambers after a month or two. This isn't easy for me, either, but crying isn't going to help. Let's see if you can stay away from the Supreme Court for six months. Yes, six months. No, you will not die.

Don't be so dramatic. The Supreme Court is the most important judicial body in America, but it isn't everything. I'm sure you'll find plenty of things to occupy your time. Well, you'd better, because for the next six months, you are going to be Antonin Scalia and Sandra Day O'Connor-free, whether you like it or not.

Yes, my decision is final.
do you heart boobies?

do you want a shirt that proclaims your love of boobies?

how about this kind of shirt?

if you'd like one of these, you should hop on over to my friend's blog...she wants to order some, but it's better to do in bulk. you know you want to be as cool as her, me, and that guy in the picture. therefore, you should order one too if you indeed heart boobies.

p.s...they also make great holiday gifts for the person in your life that really, really likes the boobies. yesterday i had an exchange of emails with the head of the civil case committee about the case changes that were posted monday night. it was a perfectly civil exchange...i argued why i thought a lot of the changes were unnecessary, and he argued why he did. still, though, a lot of his arguments for why he thought they were necessary were complete avoidances of my concerns, and that bothered me. there seemed to be a logical disconnect between my emails and his... i don't think i'm going to continue the discussion today, though. the last email he sent me included a claim that had nothing to do with the rest of the emails, and something i found to be so wholly inappropriate that i'm not quite sure i can be civil in responding, and not devolve into yelling or cursing. it suffices to say's neither productive nor ethical to change the case so that "bad" or "small" teams (yes, he used both terms) stand more of a chance against "good" or "big" teams. small teams are not necessarily bad, nor big teams good. teams that want to put the practice time into incorporating these case changes and dealing with them well will put in the time. practice time is free. furthermore, if he's concerned about there being an imbalance between teams that go to a lot of tournaments and see other teams' case theories versus teams that don't...there's no change in the case that he can make that will address that at all. teams will apply the changes, and other teams will see these applications at the winter tournaments, before regionals. all that claim did was further convince me that there was some self-serving motive for the committee to have made these won't serve the purpose he claims for it to serve, and the idea of giving "bad" teams a leg up is just nonsensical.

on a complete other looks like only one person is going to even attempt to answer my song lyrics from a couple days i'm going to post the answers.
1. "bad day" by fuel
2. "amy gorman" by wesley willis
3. "the nurse with amnesia" by shades of fiction
4. "run" by snow patrol
5. "addicted" by the blank theory
6. "you're so last summer" by taking back sunday
7. "shell" by memento
8. "when you cry" by krim
9. "kody" by matchbox20
10. "coma white" by marilyn manson
11. "the choice" by inept
12. "i'm not okay (i promise)" by my chemical romance
13. "juneau" by funeral for a friend
14. "stay in shadow" by finger eleven
15. "confession" by cold (that's song number number four is "end of the world".)

alright...back to work...grrr.
yay!! i heard back from the other professor who i wanted a recommendation from (Professor Hart), and he will write me a recommendation, too!!!

law school is looking more and more feasible.

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

the grand old duke of york
he had ten thousand men
he marched them up to the top of the hill
and he marched them down again

and when you're up you're up
and when you're down you're down
and when you're only halfway up
you're neither up nor down

this children's song interlude has been brought to you by me, and my attempts to stop thinking about the case changes.
i hate the AMTA civil case committee so much i could kill them. i'm cool with the edited stipulation--that was necessary. i'm cool with the form and the new case law on punitive damages--it wasn't necessary, but i see it being helpful.

but, all of the witness changes need to be taken back.

dehnert resigned, and is now uncrossable?

leo's publisher paid polk a million bucks to let him into the hospital?

leo and kaplan have a shouting match because they both think Leo should leave?

and, the piece de resistance...

leo says that cotone provoked dutcher?

all of the work we've done since restacking is now moot, completely moot. it's finals week, everyone's about to leave for break, and we have a tournament two weeks after winter break ends. we're screwed, absolutely screwed.

and i can't shake the feeling that these changes in the witnesses were made just because people on the case committee have had good teams screw their teams on these particular points, and i know i can't be the only one with this feeling.

i know i don't normally talk like this, but...

fuck you, AMTA. fuck your politics. fuck your midseason case changes. fuck the fact that the case makes even less sense now than it did before.

good teams aren't happy, but good teams will manage and adapt. we will manage, adapt, and beat you senseless come winter tournament season.

Monday, December 06, 2004

this is rather silly, if there's any truth behind it. i'm kind of thinking there must be truth behind it, though, because it's too insane to make up.

stupid parents television council.
i was hoping this past weekend would be full of sleep, but apparently not. i got very little over the weekend, and now it's monday and i'm tired. that's a bad way to start a week.

i have stuff to do this week. i really should clean my room, it's a pig sty and only getting worse. i need to fax the transcript release over so they'll send my transcript to LSDAS. i have to request ANOTHER transcript today to give to a professor so he'll write my recommendation. i have to print out LSDAS recommendation cover letters to give to my recommenders. i have to send out my resumes and personal statements and big fat application fee checks (boooooo!) so i can get my files completed at UChicago and Wash U. i should probably also work on safety school applications...although i reeeeeeeeeeeeeally don't want to go anywhere but one of the two that i've already started working on. i reeeeeeeeeeeeeeally don't. therefore i'm more motivated to work on those.

okay...change of topic...most of my friends are doing this in their blog, and i really like it. so, enjoy...

"the idea is to take the first fifteen random songs off your iTunes playlist or similarly select 15 random songs, wrtie down your favorite line from each song and see if people can guess the song. avoid the use of the name of the song in the lyric if at all possible."

1. "and she swears there's nothing wrong...i hear her play my same old song...she puts me off and puts me on..."

2. "i can't keep my eyes off of you for any apparent reason"

3. "look at us sold and bought...evidence of ignorance...trying to outdo ourselves...can it get any better"

4. "you've been the only thing that's right in all i've done"

5. "i don't mind pretending i'm someone else...whoever you want me to long as i'm inside'll never want me to leave"

6. "you could slit my throat...and with my one last gasping breath...i'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt"

7. "how can i heal when there's blood still on the floor"

8. "getting hurt is no way to live"

9. "i could drive...but it takes so much to get there"

10. "all the drugs in this world won't save her from herself"

11. "and as it seems to feel right...part of you is away...before it...before it comes"

12. "what will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems...i told you time and time again you sing the words but don't know what it means"

13. "i'm nothing more than a line in your book"

14. "don't say because you can't say what we should have been"

15. "you think you're half as good as me...the only thing you'll ever just a way for me to bleed on this stage"

have fun guessing these quotes! :) some are easy, some...not so much.

Sunday, December 05, 2004

heard back from professor sanderson about the letter of rec...

...and i wasn't shot down! SQUEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

one more professor i'm still waiting on. stay tuned.

Saturday, December 04, 2004, i'm actually getting somewhere on this whole law applications thing. i've finished and edited my personal statement so it does not completely suck. i've filled out a lot of the stupid paper-pushing form stuff on a couple applications. now, all i have to do before i go home, is the part i dread the most...ask people for recommendations. i'm scared to death of asking for recommendations, but i've started writing letters to ask for them. i know it's probably nothing to be too afraid of, but i am. i hate asking favours. furthermore, i was in so many big classes, and i have this idea that you have to have taken some five-person seminar that involves weekly social outings with the professor in order to get a good letter. i know this can't be true, but my views on everything else about applying to law school are so illogically blown out of proportion, this is too.

at least my nerves are steeled, and as soon as i hit send, i can sit back and wait for the fireworks. i will have done something, and i'll feel marginally less awful. all bets are off when the professors reject me, but at least i'm trying here.
straylight run is coming to town...but they're opening for something corporate (who i can't stand) on the same weekend as the mizzou mock trial tournament (which i'm going to).

good emo bands should tour with other good emo bands, and come to chicago when i am in town.
this is curious. i tried to retrieve my hotmail on mozilla...i typed my username and password, and then it gave me a blank screen. i tried to reload, and all it gave me was, again, a blank screen.

then i opened up internet explorer to see if it would work on that, or if there was just a problem on the site. i assumed it was just a site problem, but i had that paranoid little idea that microsoft's mail would only work on microsoft's browser.

lo and behold, it worked like a charm on internet explorer.

screw you, microsoft. i really should shift my entire existence to gmail, not that i use my hotmail for much else but newsletters and junkmail anyway.
sometimes the most random things can make you feel so good.

last night, the power went out at the apartment. i was a strange combination of pissed and amused...pissed off that i had no power, and amused that something had actually derailed my plans for the evening--when my plans included sitting on my butt at home and reading. so, i ended up walking to the library, since it's coming up on finals week and all of my friends who are still students are studying and writing papers and doing all that kind of stuff.

so, as i leave for the library, i decide that the current situation is so patently absurd that i want to call my boyfriend, just to tell him about it. silly, i know, but it made sense to me. so, i call him, and it was the greatest thing. he was so happy to hear from me, and told me how nice he thought it was to hear from me at a completely random time, not the time that i normally call him. he doesn't very often put that kind of stuff into words, and i was absolutely floored.

i already knew that he loves me, but...well, i really don't exactly know but what. i just feel really good...some strange combination of feeling loved and feeling like i know that i have the power to make him happy. a cruder side of my brain is saying that wow, i did something right for once. but, i think it's more than that. i think i might finally be allowing myself to convince myself that as happy as he makes me, i'm making him just as happy.

Friday, December 03, 2004

i'll admit this song's lyrics are about as trite as they come, but the tune is catchy and i rather like the lyrics...especially the chorus. i relate today.

by papa roach

i tear my heart open
i sew myself shut
my weakness is that i care too much
my scars remind me that the past is real
i tear my heart open just to feel

drunk and i'm feeling down
and i just wanna be alone
i'm pissed cause you came around
why don't you just go home
cause you channel all your pain
and i can't help you fix yourself
you're making me insane
all i can say is

i tear my heart open
i sew myself shut
my weakness is that i care too much
my scars remind me that the past is real
i tear my heart open just to feel

i tried to help you once
against my own advice
i saw you going down
but you never realized
that you're drowning in the water
so i offered you my hand
compassion's in my nature
tonight is our last stand

i tear my heart open
i sew myself shut
my weakness is that i care too much
my scars remind me that the past is real
i tear my heart open just to feel

i'm drunk and i'm feeling down
and i just wanna be alone
you shouldn't ever come around
why don't you just go home
cause you're drowning in the water
and i tried to grab your hand
and i left my heart open
but you didn't understand
but you didn't understand

you fix yourself
i can't help you fix yourself
but at least i can say i tried
i'm sorry but i gotta move on with my own life
i can't help you fix yourself
but at least i can say i tried
i'm sorry but i gotta move on with my own life

i tear my heart open
i sew myself shut
my weakness is that i care too much
my scars remind me that the past is real
i tear my heart open just to feel

i tear my heart open
i sew myself shut
my weakness is that i care too much
my scars remind me that the past is real
i tear my heart open just to feel, i'm at work an hour early, but that means i can leave an hour early.

i'm sleepy. i stayed up way too late last night talking on the phone to my boyfriend...which was wonderful then, and being sleepy is worth it if that's why i'm sleepy.

i played poker last night. i finally broke my vow not to play rebuy tournaments...and i'm rather glad i did, since i won $100. i was the short stack all night, but i could always steal a few chips here and there if i needed them, and i just hung around. i finally got rivered when i moved in with ace-jack...someone else had king-ten, and got a ten on the river. grrr...

i need to get law school applications done this weekend. nothing makes me feel more worthless than thinking about law applications, but i know i need to get them done. still, the more encouragement i get, the worse i feel about them...i can't shake the feeling that i'm a stupid ditz, and that everyone's wrong about me when they tell me i will get in, that i will succeed.

alright...down to the basement. it's after eight thirty, and i've not actually worked a bit today.

Thursday, December 02, 2004

...i guess staying out as late as i did last night is a bad idea. i'm currently not at work. i woke up for work this morning and took a shower, but i was tired and...still inebriated. so, i called my boss and hit the sack yet again. squee.

when my head stops hurting i should go to the landlord and turn in the rent check. then, i should go to the library and work on law applications. i really should get those done and in. i have such a mental block on those right now, and just thinking about them ruins my day. grr...what's wrong with me?

but now i just need my headache to go byebye.

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

funniest FoxTrot ever today. :) physical science nerds rejoice!!!

phrase of the day: "i can't."