i decided to take yesterday and today off of work to try and pull my life back together. nothing's actually happened to make it change, it's still in the same shambles in which it's been for the last year or so, but i'm trying to muster up a smidge of...initiative. yesterday, granted, wasn't a great deal of Getting Stuff Done...but i did go downtown and procure a valid identification card. this is good, given that my old one was from north carolina, an address i hadn't lived at for four years, and that none of my relatives had lived at for two. i also got a chicago library card...which i'd been meaning to do, but for more fun reasons than anything serious. i got five books when i was there: the newest Grisham novel, a dumb but amusing chick-lit type book, a novel about an online affair, an old pulp novel (actually, two under one cover...), and this random novel called "the patricidal bedtime companion" (i swear, although the protagonist didn't go to U of C, he really should have.)
today it's law school applications. asking for recommendations (although i clearly don't deserve them...why can't i just be a realistic little girlie and abandon my dreams?!?!?! like any sane person in my position would do?!??!), figuring out what essays i have to write, adding up how much money that i don't have that i'm going to have to sock away for application fees, all that mess.
excuse my language...but it's so fucking scary. applying for college, for undergrad, was never this awful or this scary...i was actually confident that i was worth something. now, the only thing i'm confident in, at least on the academic front, is that i'm worth nothing, and that no self-respecting law school would do anything but read the first few words of my application, laugh thinly, and put it through the paper shredder.