Tuesday, August 17, 2004

i realized last night, when i was writing in my paper (private!) journal over a beer at jimmy's...i really do think about sex and sexuality a lot. i think about it in the specific...my own experiences, my own desires, my own sexuality. i also think about it in the abstract, reading books and essays and the like, imagining what it must be like for others of different persuasions. i don't know...it all confuses me and fascinates me. it's a fun topic. practically all of my specific rants and thoughts go in my paper journal--it's just too much information for me to share with the general public. (i kept a blog once, under a pseudonym, that had too much information in that regard, and then i decided it was a bad idea...abandoned that blog, and stuck to pens and paper for anything having to do with my own chases and exploits.) the general rants, the ones that escape my head, anyway...sometimes show up here and sometimes in the pen and paper journal. it depends on my mood, really.

the one big thing that crossed my mind this morning has to do with sexuality and whose business it is. sometimes my own sexuality feels like no one's business but my own. it makes a kind of sense--no one should treat me any differently based on who i'm attracted to, what kinds of features i'm attracted to, what kinds of bodies and acts turn me on. it isn't directly relevant to anyone except for whoever i'm sleeping with, or trying to sleep with, as the case may be at different times. then again, it is everyone's business in a sense. if they know about my sexuality, they might stop making assumptions, or at least might stop extrapolating things about me that end up being way, way off base. i'm an open book, so i usually err on the side of telling people, err on the side of too much information, as long as it's something that involves the life of my mind (as opposed to involving things that have others entwined in them--there, i'm deeply private out of respect for others involved.)

i really don't have an overarching Point here, but i've still not come to an answer on whose business sexuality really, really is.

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