half of me is really happy today, half of me is really strung out today.
the strung out half of me has to talk to her relatives tonight. that's never fun. that half of me is probably going to be shaking the entire time i'm on the phone, and break down crying afterwards. she's dreading when her phone rings, and she's hoping she won't be accused of things like being depressed or not knowing how to be loved, things that she was accused of the last time i was on the phone with them. she knows i'll be yelled at, she knows they'll be mad at me, and she hasn't quite come to terms with the fact that they will ALWAYS be mad at me, always be disappointed in me, because i'll never be that perfect, close little girl they're dying to have.
the happy half of me just has a fun, evil plan in store. :) she isn't thinking about talking to her relatives, she isn't thinking about her relatives at all. she's just thinking about something that makes me very very happy. no details here now, but rest assured it's happy happy.