Wednesday, March 31, 2004

"i cannot hear you
but i know you're laughing
i cannot see you
with the mocking smile that's on your face
if we ever meet
there'll be no doubt
at the first chance i get
knock that taste right out of your mouth"
by Ditchwater

...such a cool song. so raw and angry. you have to join the Ditchwater Yahoo Group to download it, but i promise you it's well worth it.
a few random observations for a wednesday morning...

--i'm a bit bummed out. i was supposed to meet someone for lunch today, but he's home sick. good news is, it was just postponed until tomorrow, but i was just looking forward to it. i met him last week and had a lot of fun just chatting with him, it'll be a blast to just talk over lunch (as opposed to at a concert, with all the loud noise and distractions and beer).

--i have the greatest friends ever. sure, i'm the butt of every joke, and they call me a goat every chance they get, but it's clearly out of love. case in point: an exchange that happened yesterday with two of my friends, P. and K.
P: "and, All-American Witness, with twenty ranks, nicky the goat!"
n: "yeah, right. the day i get twenty ranks, much less make all-american, is the day hell freezes over."
K: "it's going to be cold in class tomorrow."
P: "no, no, it'll be cold there on monday morning."
they're such goofs, but they have so much confidence in me, even when i sometimes don't. i love those guys.

--i wish my laptop worked, and i had wireless internet connection. if i did, the quality of these blog posts would probably be better. see, i love writing in bars. almost every time i go to a bar i have a notebook with me, and whether i'm drinking or not (i actually went to jimmy's and didn't drink on monday night, fancy that!), i like to write. i get lines for songs, i get musings about the happenings of the day...i just think a lot, and like to write it down. i get contemplative like that. and, the pub has wireless internet access. i guess it's good i don't, in a sense, because if i could, i'd just go to the pub every night with my computer, sit down, and type in this blog all night, until it closed.

--i love moderating my message board. it's fun, figuring out what to do with it, seeing all the people join it and post on it. i'm starting to think that my main hobby has become the music scene here. i go to so many concerts, i'm now moderating that board, i'm thisclose to starting a website, i'm looking for a new band to join, and i love promoting shows for local bands. i was telling one of my friends on monday night, my dream job right now would be something with a music venue, promoting or booking or something to that effect. it probably won't happen, but in the midst of my search for a more attainable job, it's worth a shot to try and do something that i know i'm going to love, to do something that i'd do or want to do even if it weren't my job.

Tuesday, March 30, 2004

same old same old...i was at work all day today. it was tolerable 'cause i could borrow one of my friend's cd players, so i could listen to lots of random music. the new fuel album that he lent me was pretty's better than the second one, not as good at the first. song number two and song number seven (don't know the titles) are really good.

spent so much of today listening to ditchwater and lifter, though. i'm already getting extremely excited about the concert they're playing together at metro, and the concert's still over a month away (may 1st)!! it's going to be one awesome night of pedal to the metal, heavy rock.

wow...old times, old times. i was looking at bleeding internally, a cold fansite, and they have a copy of this old article about cold from 1998, from guitar world. i remember that article, i remember that magazine. that was the first time i had ever heard of those guys. what a flashback.

Monday, March 29, 2004

i have found the meaning of the term "seven minutes in heaven". it is six minutes and fifty-one seconds of purely engaging music.

"what you gave here wasn't fear" by grundig

grundig is the band that several of the guys in Cold were in before Cold...i just recently learned of their existence, and didn't find the songs to download off of cold army until today. the other stuff i've downloaded is good, but this song is so good that i really wish Cold would start playing it as their own.

here are the lyrics to it. i'm still in awe.

"what you gave here wasn't fear"
by grundig

there were mountains of mayhem
seemed like merry enchantment
and heroes who fool us right
guilty angels sing to devils
and turn all the willing
and nothing but dance on ice
well i'll do anything for you
pull my lungs out
speak and you'll feel it take
well i'll do anything for you
forment gods will
pull and you'll surely see

what you gave here wasn't fear
well i'll do anything for you
skin from my back
what you gave here wasn't fear
well i'll take nothing from no one
burn you inside
what you gave here was not fear
well i'll do anything for you
skin from my back
what you gave here wasn't fear
nothing from no one
doesn't end you

they make mother's creation
seem like something you don't want
and fear all of those lies
they turn liars into sinners
and burn all the women with nothing but burnless fire
well i'll do anything for you
ferment mountains
speak and we'll feel ends meet
i'll do anything for you
ferment gods will
no one shows the same

what you gave here wasn't fear
well i'll do anything for you
skin from my back
what you gave here wasn't fear
well i'll take nothing from no one
burn you inside
what you gave here was not fair
well i'll do anything for you
skin from my back
what you gave here wasn't fear
nothing from no one
doesn't end you

now i'm broken down again

what you gave here wasn't fear
well i'll do anything for you
skin from my back
what you gave here wasn't fear
well i'll take nothing from no one
burn you inside
what you gave here was not fair
well i'll do anything for you
skin from my back
what you gave here wasn't fear
nothing from no one
doesn't end now

this is not supposed to end now
this was not supposed to end now
this was not supposed to end now
tear it down
oh you can feel it
so could feel you super saviour
oh you could save your super savior
on you could save your super savior
oh what's the price you'll take
go on please
go on please

Sunday, March 28, 2004

oh. my. goodness.

this weekend was surreal, it was ridiculous, it was crazy, and i dare say i loved every minute of it. i decided to go to the punk was the burbanks and shooting blanks!...there was a third band, who played before the burbanks, but i don't remember who they are, and they were boring and bad. they weren't even a punk band--i don't know what the venue was thinking putting some dull pop-rock band with two punk bands. still, the burbanks and shooting blanks were sweet... it made me happy, for the first time ever, a band played a song for me! jonny sent "hole in his head" out to me...i love that song, it's my favourite burbanks song. the burbanks rock, they play good, loud, crazy punk rock. shooting blanks was also really cool...i actually remember their show, i wasn't completely plastered like i was the last time i saw them, back in september with ratbag hero.

the show was cool, but what ensued after is what made the weekend what it was. see, a couple of the guys from ratbag hero were at the show, and afterwards i went to go hang out with them...i hadn't seen them in forever, so it was awesome to finally see them again. we were going to go to this one bar up in lincoln park, but it was so freaking crowded that we just went back to the south side to watch south park and drink some beers. it was laid-back and fun...ended up crashing there, though, 'cause it was late...and...yeah.

saturday was when the insanity truly set in. except for a quick brunch around 2:30 in the afternoon, i spent from 11:30am to about 10pm in bars. i drank more beer than i had any business drinking, and played more darts than i've ever played in my life. we went to watch the basketball games, but even though we realized the games started at 3:30 and not noon, we just stayed there and drank...and drank...and drank. i can't believe i didn't get sick, i can't believe i'm not hung over this morning, i can't believe any of it, but it was good, good times. ended up staying in bridgeport again last night...and coming home this morning. i hadn't been home in two days, i just...went AWOL. disappeared from everything, and just went crazy and drank beer and goofed off. i think that was the best part of was all completely spontaneous, i hadn't really planned to spend the entire weekend with a couple of my favourite crazy punk rockers, it just sort of happened that way. that's why i'm so in love with being young and stupid, i can pull stuff like this. i can't capture the spirit that well in a blog post, and there really aren't any details to speak of here other than sitting around and goofing off and drinking a boatload of beer, but it was pure, unadulterated fun.

Friday, March 26, 2004

so, i've started a new message board, for the purpose of discussing chicago rock music. it's at if you're just in the neighbourhood, or here for a reason, or anything in between, come! check it out! sign up!
screw it all. i've been trying to get myself to work on this paper...i'm getting some book titles for research...but there's no way it's happening today. maybe tomorrow. maybe next week. i wish i didn't have to do it. i have no motivation to do it. i don't care.

should i be a good person and stay in hyde park tonight?

or should i be a happy person and go up to lincoln park? i just got word that The Burbanks are playing a show with Shooting Blanks!...they're two of my favourite punk bands in chicago! and, to boot, i found ten bucks on the ground, whic i can clearly spend on admission and a beer...that would be awesome.

anyway...oughta go to the library and work on that paper now. and then maybe stay home. or maybe go to that punk show. yeah.

Thursday, March 25, 2004

i've become such a message board, i've either spent my day working, surfing boards, or pretending to work but instead actually surfing boards. i've joined another one, the one on cold's website, which has people posting as frequently as perjuries at its most frenetic. i'm beyond help...

on another random note, new ditchwater songs are up in their yahoo group. they rock...i'm very happy with them. :) i just wish my own computer worked, so i could listen to them more often, and burn them to minidiscs. i really need to get some money and get that stupid thing fixed.
so, i'm off work. i should be at the library, writing that paper. i still haven't started. i still don't have a thesis. it was officially due three days ago. i keep saying "i'll do it later". later probably will mean saturday, since everyone gets back to town on sunday and mock trial will start again in earnest. (and sunday morning, i have to finish getting my stuff out of my old apartment...i'm hoping hoping hoping that they haven't assigned someone to live in my old room yet. that would suck if they were there, wanting to move in, and i was there, still taking all the setlists and pictures off of my wall.)

got the most random email today...someone i haven't seen for months. someone i didn't know even had the email address he emailed me on. it was weird. amusing, but weird. hopefully i'll see him around soon, at a show or something, 'cause he's fun, and i usually cause trouble whenever i run into him.
i hate e-mail. there. i said it. i've always suspected it, but i realized this for sure last night after agonizing over a really simple e-mail.
sure, it's convenient because it makes it so quick to get in touch with people, but that's the ideal. for verbose souls like me, it's awful. when i want to send something quick, i feel like a short e-mail is insignificant and that i'm cheating them, or something to that effect. i don't know. i always catch myself wanting to get into irrelevant things, and then wonder why the heck i'm telling the recipient that, or wanting to tell them that. it's the same way i work when i talk to random people. but, at least, the random people can shut me up, or change the subject, or call me crazy, when i talk to them face to face. e-mail, there's nothing to stop me except for what's going on in my head. i need to get over myself and convince myself it's okay to write a short, to-the-point e-mail...that it's not being uncordial or terse, it's just being practical. everyone else seems to get that, and it doesn't bother me to receive a short email...i just can't do it back.
by the way...i did send the short, to-the-point version of the e-mail i agonized over last night. i felt weird not adding any chattiness to it, but it said what it needed to say.

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

wow...for once, i finally updated my band links list again, and changed my mental playlist to reflect...well, my current mental playlist. my local band links list is getting so darn long, i'm wondering if i should just start alphabetizing it. i don't even know.

i wish i knew more html...i'd really like to give this blog an overhaul, i'm getting a bit tired of the amateurishly edited default blogger blog skin. i probably should have taken a fourth class last quarter, that html class, but i was just so insistent on only having three classes...and not having any classes on tuesday or thursday... probably a dumb move on my part, but i don't care that much right now.

speaking of classes, i should go work on that paper. but, i don't think it's gonna happen, i'll probably end up rotting in the library and writing it on saturday. maybe start it tomorrow after work...if i can bring myself to do it. i know it's not going to happen on friday, since on friday i know of a bunch of different concerts, and i need to pick one to go to. i REALLY want to go to bolingbrook to see inept, burning autumn, disonic, and eleanor's fault, but i don't have a ride and it's nowhere near the metra station. therefore, it's probably not going to happen. there's a segway show at midnight that i may go to, and i think there might be another show i know of and i'm forgetting at this moment. i also want to go to a show on saturday, ditchwater's playing out in the burbs, but that doesn't look very promising either. elk grove village is marginally close to a metra line, but not that close...if the weather's good, and i feel like i can go out on saturday instead of rotting in the library and being responsible and stuff, i might go. it means a three mile walk each way, which kinda sucks (i don't have the money for a cab, cabs are silly and expensive!), but it would be fun. if that doesn't pan out, i'll rot all day in the library and probably go see tenebrion...i've never heard them, but they're playing for free on the north side. i also told one of the guys in the band, someone who posts on the no fate boards, that i may possibly go to that show. so, it's a possibility...i'll go if i can't make it out to elk grove village to see ditchwater.
oh dear. i've wasted over an hour after work just sitting at this computer. i think the library is officially closed...not that it matters or anything, i could probably stay in here all night if i felt like it. but, i really don't want to do that, since i've got to be here tomorrow morning at 9 anyway, to work.
i read such a good quote yesterday...i think it describes me extremely well, especially given my wild streak of the last year or so.

"I was naughty. I wasn't bad. Bad is hurting people, doing evil. Naughty is not hurting anyone. Naughty is being amusing."
--Sydney Biddle Barrows
yesterday was a complete blast. i should have been writing my paper, but i wasn't...instead, i wandered around belmont all day, just aimlessly, and then went to the ditchwater show at the bottom lounge. i'm so glad i went to that show...i hung out with a lot of fun people, and enjoyed myself so much. i got to the show about 5pm...really early, since it wasn't starting until 6:45, but i was around there anyway. before the show, i helped out with some flyers (ditchwater has another show coming up, at metro, on may 1st...) and just chilled with the guys. that was pretty much the story of the night, anyway...the only set i was out on the floor for all of was ditchwater's set.
i was out on the floor for most of american heritage's set...they really didn't do it for me, though. they were loud and heavy, but the singer was bad and pointless...he didn't add anything to it. the riffs all kind of blended together, too. it was just boring. as i was saying last night, i can usually find something i like about pretty much any band i see, or at least get headbanging to them. american heritage--my eyes literally glazed over in boredom.
after their set i went back downstairs. the bottom lounge has this awesome room downstairs for the bands to hang out's such a dive. a couple of messed-up couches and tables, a countertop or two to stick the beer on, really sticky floors and grimy everything. it's just an amusing place to hang out with the guys and drink beer. about halfway through smoke's set, i went back upstairs and listened to the rest of their set. they weren't as bad as american heritage, but they weren't really great. the singer had kinda this rap-metal thing going on. the riffing was a little better than american heritage's, even though i didn't really like smoke all that much, i could at least do a little bit of headbanging to it. they weren't horrid, weren't good, just kind of there.
next, ditchwater played. they were by far the best band of the night. the only thing that really hacked me off was that they only got about 25 minutes to play, because smoke went way over their allotted time. since the headliners, my ruin, are a signed band, they got 45 minutes (instead of 30), and they had to get all of their time to play before curfew. (all ages shows in chicago can only go until 10 pm.) they had to cut their setlist super short--five songs, i think, instead of the ten or so that were on their setlist. still, they played "it's over" and "thankless", so that was cool. i did feel like a total dummy, though...mike, the singer, walks up to me while he's singing thankless, and i wanted to sing along, but the part he was singing when he was over there--i didn't know the words!!! oops...whatever. i don't care that much, i was having fun.
after ditchwater's set, i ran around some trying to get people to sign up for the ditchwater mailing list...trying to be a good promoter despite the fact that i was clearly pretty inebriated at the time. i got one person to sign up, and a few CD's handed out, before my ruin hit the stage. my ruin was pretty decent...i don't think i'd buy their album, or go out of my way to see them again, but they did rock some. i enjoyed it, and it was really cool to see a girl growl like she was growling. i want to sing like her, she can scream and growl and just sing metal better than almost any female i've heard. (and, on a random note...their bassist was really cute. i don't think i said more than two words to her all night, which kinda sucks, but she was hot.) i saw their first couple songs and their last couple songs...spent the middle of the set running around chilling with ditchwater.
after the show, i helped a little with the load-out and then chilled out there some more. after a while, once everyone in ditchwater had left, i went for a midnight breakfast over at the melrose with one of the people i met at the show. we were both pretty drunk at this point, but it was all good...sat there, chilled, talked about absolutely nothing. i don't know if he could have talked about anything but nothing, though...he was so drunk that sometimes he slurred his words so badly i couldn't understand them. whatever, it's all in fun. and...he's a big cold fan, which earns lots of points in my book. i'll definitely see him again along the way...cold is coming to oasis 160 on may 4th, and i'm going.
all in all, last night was several hours of rock and roll fun. all four members of ditchwater are cool, fun guys to hang out with, and i met several other fans as well. if only i could have more nights like last was a perfect balance between being laid-back and partying really hard, and i don't think i've had that much fun in a while.

Monday, March 22, 2004

wow, it's been almost a week since i've posted in this thing. i still haven't started my poli-sci paper. i don't have all my stuff out of my room, i have to go back on sunday morning and clean the rest of it out. (all my pictures are still on my wall for heaven's sake, i'm pathetic.) whatever...i can't bring myself to care.

this weekend was pretty decent, other than the moving thing. thursday and friday involved beer and basketball. thursday was such a...mature night. i met some friends up downtown at a bar to watch basketball and talk about stuff. it was just...relaxing and nice. we were all kind of tired, they were done with finals (although i wasn't...and still am not...)...and it was just low-key and happy. friday was a lot rowdier...we stayed in hyde park and went to jimmy's. we ended up with ten or so people, and we got positively sloshed. everyone left town on saturday for spring break, and we did what has become almost canonical--get trashed the night before everyone leaves. the hangover the next morning really, really sucked, but the night was fun.

saturday night...didn't make a great deal of sense, but it was a great deal of fun. i went out to a show...i hadn't seen dysception in forever, and they were finally playing metro again. the show was a night of good, heavy metal. lots and lots of metal... :) quick change played first...they didn't pull any punches or do anything stupid, they just played good, loud rock. i headbanged. a lot. second was dysception, who was awesome as always. i felt kind of bad, i don't know if i tripped steve up or something, since i tossed a boomerang on stage right before "inside my cage", and then he forgot the first verse...poor guy. i hope i didn't make him do that... either way, he did recover just fine, and they sounded great. they opened with "pity" again...that song is still amazing live. they've got some new stuff now, i think they're recording it next weekend. the new stuff rocks. third was blackout. i had seen them before (back in december, opening for the blank theory), and been less than impressed. they were better this time. they weren't anything special, but they were solid. they have one song "still life", that's really awesome, and then the rest of it was just...not bad, just good. lifter headlined. they rocked. a lot. there were seven of them (2 singers, 2 guitars, a bass, drums, and a deejay), and they had lots and lots of energy, just jumping around and going crazy and playing metal. they need to play the city more often...they're from mchenry county, which is kinda far away, but not THAT far away... i'm shocked, though...i found out they had never played metro before, and they got to headline this time--that was really impressive.

after the show, i hung out for awhile passing out flyers, first for escape from earth and then for ditchwater. i like passing out flyers after shows...i talk to random other people who are passing out flyers, and then i get to get the word out about bands i like by passing out flyers--and no one gets pissed at me or thinks i'm insane, like people do when i'm promoting or talking about my bands...anywhere else. i also usually run into other people who were at the show, people i know and hadn't seen at the's just cool all around.

anyway...after flyering, i didn't know what i was going to do. a bunch of people were going to mcdonalds, but i hate the lines in there so much. i was kinda in the mood to go bar hopping, but i didn't know anyone who was doing that.

...which ended up not being a problem. i'm walking down the street, and these three guys start flicking me off through the window of the raw bar, a bar a couple doors down from the metro. i thought it was funny...i'm a shameless, outgoing flirt, and these looked like people out to have a good time. so, i flicked them off back and made funny faces. we traded that for awhile, until one of them waved me into the bar. i started chilling with them, drinking beer and flicking off all the passers-by with them. turns out, they had been at the show too. (turns out, also, they're in a band called slavedrum, who's playing double door on may 7th...i'll go to the show.) they were total silly rockers, i was at that bar for maybe an hour an a half chilling and acting stupid.

after that, we went to a party. these two other women in the bar, who they had been talking to when i came into the bar, were going to lifter's afterparty (one of them was really tight with the band). so, i went along...and the party was a blast. it was pretty low-key, everyone was just chilling out, drinking a few beers, and decompressing after a show well-done. it was up on the north side, over at the apartment of one of lifter's friends. i met most of lifter, and a bunch of other random was really fun. it's actually the first time in awhile that i've gone to a party, really known absolutely no one, and not felt completely awkward. i stayed there until about 2am, and then went was just a good time.

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

i feel so blah right now. i got my paper done. it's as if the world is done with finals, it's as if nothing is weighing down the shoulders of the world, except for me. there's something dragging me down, and the fact that i'm being dragged down is making the world revolve around me in a dull, slow motion, waiting for me to be done with my finals, and my packing, and my moving.

i don't have a clue what my friends are doing tonight. are they writing final papers? are they enjoying st. patrick's day? are they plotting my demise? (okay, i'm sure they're not plotting my demise, although demise is sounding like something i'm doing well enough plotting on my own, thank you very much.) i can't think, but i can't stop fretting, afraid i'm missing out on something.

i wish last night were tonight and tonight were last night. if this were last night, i'd have just been able to sit and write that thing. and if last night were tonight, i'd have had a built-in Thing To Do (pub trivia was last night), a built-in excuse to tell my friends to get themselves out to the bar.
the good news is, i'm finished with my conlaw paper.

the bad news is, i still have another paper to go, plus packing up all my stuff.

and i'm not motivated to do any of it right now, since i just finished that conlaw paper.

and it's saint patrick's day.

my first since i turned 21.

i want to go out.
so, i go to vote yesterday. i'm voting for all the normal stuff...president...representative...senator...and then i stumble across voting for "delegate", as in delegate to the nominating convention. i didn't know you voted for that, i just assumed that you voted for your presidential choice, and then they brought their delegates if they earned any. simple enough, but no. you vote for delegates. given that i was voting for kucinich, i wanted kucinich delegates to go. so, i look at the kucinich delegates--and promptly come within a hair's breadth of passing out.

one of the people running for kucinich delegate was my ex-boyfriend.

the idiot from illinois state that i dated first year for a while. the one who was dumb enough to tell me he had the hots for someone else in his apartment, while we still had a thing. the one that pretty much stalked me during the summer of 2001. the one who must now be living in hyde park, given that he ran for delegate in the illinois 1st district. (the one who is probably unemployed and living with his father, given that that's his connection to hyde park...his father living here...) in other words...not good people. i was like "holy sh..." and then stopped myself, realizing it would not behoove me to curse out loud in a public place.

unbelievable. my ex-boyfriend on the ballot. i kept muttering to myself as i voted, and afterwards. i still mutter to myself about it occasionally, the next day.

at least he got trounced. hardcore. he got less votes than all the other kucinich delegates, and he got less votes than any of the delegates except for five, four gephardt delegates and a clark delegate.

here's to a short and unpromising political career, you big loser.

Monday, March 15, 2004

if there were any justice in this world
i would be living at 95th and state.

i would earn my income asking for pennies
from the itinerants coming into and out of town
on the greyhound buses
and from the commuters on the cta
begging to afford my next fix
of beer or food or water.

i would sleep in the alley
next to one of the closed-up shops
a fixture of brick standing behind black iron lattice
standing under a handpainted sign
resting my head
on a comfy pillow of corrugated cardboard
(if i was lucky enough to find one in a dumpster.)

i would own just a set or two of clothing
a small cloth sack, a few pens
and a weatherbeaten drugstore notebook
because spending all of that time
as an isolated fixture of the city
would leave me dying for a friend like that
by four in the morning.

i would exist almost anonymous
known only to the others of my station
the people i see every day at the stop
competing with me for those pennies
with no way to contact
the spectres from my past.

i would have nothing to say
to the curious people expecting me to amount
to someone who will change the world
or at least afford a fancy house
and a shiny car
because each day will be like the last
it wouldn't matter if i lived or died
and everyone would know it.

if there were any justice in the world
i would exist among the faceless, nameless throngs
at 95th and state.
it's monday. i have 35 pages to write in the next week, 18 hours to show my face at my awful, boring job, and i have to move on saturday. it's starting to hit me really hard. at least i forced myself to work yesterday, forced myself to read the book i have to read for con law., i have to go to work for five hours, and then force myself to write that con law paper. it's not due until wednesday, but tomorrow's shot (work all day, go vote in the election, go do pub trivia), and then i should probably either work or pack on wednesday, instead of writing that paper.

i also need to find a time to go work on my mock trial direct...especially since i saw the division placement this morning, and our division is a complete bloodbath. (and that's putting it nicely.) here's who's in my division:

Scott Palmer Division

304 Duke
308 Weber State University
309 Weber State University
340 Kent State University
348 University of Illinois-Chicago
350 Vanderbilt University
440 University of Tennessee
572 Boston University
576 Macalester College
584 Furman University
585 Furman University
612 University of Iowa
613 University of Iowa
632 Washington University
633 Washington University
684 Howard University
696 University of Chicago (my team)
697 University of Chicago
820 Stanford University
828 Pennsylvania State University
852 Bellarmine University
864 Kansas University
872 Rhodes
873 Rhodes
928 Yale University
956 Brown University
964 UCLA
965 UCLA
968 Manchester Community College
972 University of Virginia
973 University of Virginia
980 Illinois State University

that's right...we're in a division with iowa (who has won the last two national championships), howard (who came in second in the nation last year), furman, macalester, wash u, rhodes, kansas, and bellarmine. our division is so much more difficult than the other division...we've got all the powerhouses save miami of ohio and notre dame. it's insane. it means i have to not suck, not get nervous...and go meet with my attorney ASAP!!

Sunday, March 14, 2004

it's not as if i have any virtue to keep intact, but sometimes i try. there's a certain person i've had problems with before, someone i have no interest in, but the whole drunken horniness thing has led me to make out with a few times, a few months ago. well, last night i was drinking beer with my best friend--and him--and he was getting really drunk and flirtatious. i was tipsy, but i kept my wits about me and rebuffed his advances. i also refused to go back to his place with him and my best friend after we left the bar. i realised it was an extremely bad idea, so i just went home.

it's weird...i'm still happy to be single, but i'm not as much of a raving whore as i've been recently. it kind of sucks, because being a raving whore is a lot of fun, but i've just not been interested in people that i've actually been able to snag recently. it seems like most of it is that the people i've been able to snag lately have almost all been men, and the people i've actually been interested in have been women. women confuse the heck out of me, and it sure seems like women are generally more into relationships than in casual encounters. (well...women except for me, that is.) how the heck else can i explain this crazy one i met back in february? she was cute, and i was dancing with her and talking with her, but she went from saying at the beginning of the night that she had a girlfriend in colorado that she was planning on moving out to live with (even though they had only met online...), to saying at the end of the night that she would be willing to dump her and date me? i decided to stay far far away from that one...anyone who's willing to go u-haul after two hours at a bar is definitely bad news. no one else i've encountered has been that weird, but still...i just don't know what to do. i always get the "taken" vibe from almost every girl i meet, which sucks. most of my friends are guys...guys are easy to figure out. girls aren't. this is frustrating.

Thursday, March 11, 2004

it still has not sunk in that i had my final college class yesterday. that's probably a function of the three college papers that i still have to write and turn in between now and a week and a half from now. i'm holed up in the library all day today to write the one that's due tomorrow...i want that sucker done by six p.m., so i can go to mock trial, play in the poker game tonight, and then sleep after the poker game. if the paper doesn't get done by then, i will definitely go to mock and then play poker, and then just forego sleep tonight to get the paper finished, since it's due at 9:30 tomorrow.

tomorrow should be a good day, though. the morning and afternoon will kind of suck, because i have conlaw discussion session, and then i have to go to work for five hours. but, once that's over, i'm going out to oak lawn to see inept and disonic. :) it's only been a week since i've seen inept, but no matter...i cannot see those boys enough times, it's just not possible. and, i haven't seen disonic since november 14, the show at metro with inept, escape from earth, and dysception... it'll be great to finally see them again.

you know what the best thing about finals week is? the women's rugby team fundraiser. they set up shop in the reynolds club and give massages. that makes me happy...i love love love massages, and that's about the only time i ever get them.

speaking of massages, that's one of my silly little tests of a good significant other...they better give good massages, or at least be able to take a hint from me as to how to give a good one. this idiot i sort of dated first year gave really, really awful retrospect, it's no wonder he was such a loser. i asked him once or twice to give me massages, and his fingers were like wet noodles on my back. the guy i dated second and third year was much better...his massages were actually good and relaxing. he didn't give them that frequently, but when i asked, he would, and they were pretty good. decent boyfriend, too, except for the whole "he thought i was The One" thing.

so...massages...rock shows...women's it looks like i need a metalhead girlfriend who loves giving and receiving backrubs. if i were in any mood to tie myself down, at least for a while, that's what i'd want.

Monday, March 08, 2004

it seems as though i can only do work under massive amounts of time pressure. last night, i wasted FIVE HOURS in harper doing almost nothing. i got some outlining done, and most of the easy, short paper written, but that was maybe thirty minutes of work. whereas this morning, i get up, go to the computer lab, and get it all done in less than an hour. weird...

i'm excited. no particular night...or mourning has some new music out, their new demos are up. such a change from the acoustic EP i've been listening to since the summer, but i'm really, really loving it. they've gone punk/emo/something that's not acoustic, and it rocks. they even reworked one of their old acoustic songs...i didn't know how it was going to be, and it totally works. the new "justice in a phone call" is definitely more awesome. i'm just excited, it's always a good thing when bands you like get even better. now all they need to do is come up to chicago from bloomington-normal, that would make me so happy to actually see them live.

Sunday, March 07, 2004

i've been in the library for two hours now, and not done a single thing. i've read a few pages, taken a few notes, maybe that's something, but it's nothing. i don't have either of my papers written. i'm still going to fail my sign language final tomorrow. i'd rather just be sleeping or hanging out with my friends or writing or crying or laughing...anything but doing schoolwork, or even pretending to. i'm getting sick of it.
my ears are still ringing, and it's a good thing. i saw inept, infrared, shades of fiction, and liftpoint tonight at the metro. inept is one of my favourite bands of all time...i've seen them twelve times, and tonight must have been the best or second best inept show i've seen. that's especially awesome because they recorded the show...i bought the CD, and now i can listen to a bunch of their unreleased gems, in addition to live versions of songs i already have, whenever i want. :) forty-five minutes of pure Inept bliss. it was a bit of a bummer that they didn't play "these days", one of my favourites (my favourite is "didn't know you well enough", but that's acoustic only...), but oh well...what they did play was splendid.

infrared was also really sweet. i saw them for the first time about three weeks ago, when they played, with inept, ditchwater, and agent zero...they're really nice and heavy, and they yell a lot. i've got their demo...their demo is alright, but it doesn't hold a candle to their live show. my neck is already stiff from headbanging, and it's mostly infrared's fault for rocking so hard.

shades of fiction was really sweet...i had been looking forward to hearing them because they have the singer from crash poet (a band i heard so many great things about but never got to hear...) and a few members of red river (a local band i LOVED, circa 2001...i'm still sad they broke up). i need to get my paws on their demo CD, get someone to IM me the songs, because they sounded so good. they were really melodic, the singer's voice was amazing, and they're a band i would love to see again. i was especially floored by the second song they played...i remember it was called "the nurse", and it was extremely engaging. here's hoping it's on the demo...

as for liftpoint...they headlined, which i thought was a bit of a shame. they weren't horrid, but except for one song which had a pretty cool melody, i thought they were kinda boring. i can't point out anything in particular that was bad, but i can't point out anything else that was good. they were the only band that ever had me looking at the clock. i went out to the lobby between their set and their encore so i could avoid the crowd, buy my inept live CD, and get in position to hand out dysception flyers, and it didn't bother me at all. 45 minutes was enough liftpoint...i'd see them again if they were playing with another local band i loved, but i won't go out of my way just to see liftpoint again.

speaking of dysception...funny story. i was standing outside the exit, passing out flyers for the dysception show at north beach tomorrow (that i can't go to because of my schoolwork...GRRR!). i'm handing them out like crazy, feeling kinda out of it, when all of a sudden this kinda familiar looking guy takes the flyer, looks at it, and gives me a huge hug. i'm slow but i'm's only then that i realise...wait a minute, that's john! i just handed dysception's bassist a dysception flyer! it was all good...he actually gave me a bunch of flyers to hand out for dysception's metro show on march 20th...which i'm going to no matter what! i haven't seen dysception since november, which is way too long. they've written a bunch of new songs, and they just plain rock.

wow...i think this post has kind of become like a chicago music scene gossip column and all, especially with all the links to random bands i have scattered about. anyway, tonight was great...i saw some awesome bands, i got to see all my old concert buddies, and i met several new people, people i've talked to online or on message boards but hadn't met face to face until tonight. all in all, it was an awesome evening...sure, i should have been home doing my schoolwork, but i just can't miss inept at the metro! the metro is like a second home to me, and inept is the greatest band in chicago...and one of the greatest bands i've ever heard, anywhere.

Saturday, March 06, 2004

last night was actually kind of a disappointment, kind of a drag. i went to clarke's for dinner, the all night diner right by the belmont el stop, and the food and coffee pretty much sucked. then i go out to the dance party, and it was kinda dead. kinda dead, and very cliquey...i felt too intimidated to introduce myself to anyone, 'cause they were all either in their little groups of friends anyway, or with their girlfriends, or something... i think i now know the value of bringing friends when you go out clubbing...if it sucks like last night, at least you still have friends to hang out with and make the night not suck. that's the problem, though...all the bars and clubs i ever want to go to are either lesbian ones or rock/punk/metal ones. i literally have no friends who would be interested in going to a lesbian bar with me, given that i'm pretty zilch on queer female friends, not to mention queer female friends 21 and over. as for rock/punk/metal, if i go to a show i'm gold, because i pretty much always know people in the audience and in the bands, but if i want to go to more of a rock bar setting (Chicago Rock Club at Elbo Room, Exit...) i'm screwed because i again don't have friends as voraciously into rock as i am. i know i'll find my way...someday, find people to do this kind of stuff with, but for now i'm stuck with the trials and tribulations of a single chick, going it alone in this world.

now, if i can only find a girlfriend who's really into rock and roll, that would solve this set of problems. :) here's hoping.

Friday, March 05, 2004

mmm...mardi gras party at circuit! :) women's mardi gras party at circuit! :) i still haven't heard squat about barhopping in pilsen, which is what i had originally planned to do tonight, but no matter...i really am not quite in the mood to just barhop, given that i've spent the last two evenings drinking beer. to be blatant, what i want to do is go out and flirt and meet cute women. (i may be butch, but...i'm also silly and goofy, and can be coquettish when i want!) so, that's probably what i'm going to my closet, grab some dinner, and off my boobies! ;)
i'm already getting poked and prodded to give money to the university, and i'm not even an alum yet. i have no problems with senior class gifts, i guess...senior class gifts that are some tangible, chosen gift to the university. it's not so anymore...starting a year or two ago, the "senior class gift" became "a general donation to the college fund". that bothers me. i think the senior class gift should instead be something chosen by the seniors...if one class chose to give to the fund, that might be fine, but it shouldn't bind the rest of the classes from here to eternity to do the same. instead of a general fund, if they wanted to fund scholarships, they should fund a "class of 2004 scholarship", some sort of endowed fund for students in financial need. it's a lot better than making the senior class gift some sort of preemptive begging for alumni giving.

Wednesday, March 03, 2004

i can't say this is a political blog by any means, but sometimes i have to rant. this is one of those rants.

i was reading the student newspaper today, and one of the articles was about a supreme court decision allowing states to exclude theological study from something that one can study under a state-funded scholarship. that decision is messing with my head. i've always seen myself as being radically in favour of the separation of church and state. in my opinion, "under God" needs to be taken out of the Pledge of Allegiance. "In God we trust" needs to be wiped from the money. Federal funds should not go to faith-based organizations, but rather government programs and maybe secular organizations.

but, i think that the washington law is going a little too far. i think the law should have been struck down...there, i said it. i agree with thomas and scalia on this one. i think that law goes way too long as the law doesn't specifically include or exclude studying the theologies of certain religions, then the state is depriving this otherwise deserving student of a college scholarship just because of what he has chosen to study.

rehnquist argues that:

"[T]raining for religious professions and training for secular professions are not fungible. Training someone to lead a congregation is an essentially religious endeavor. Indeed, majoring in devotional theology is akin to a religious calling, as well as an academic pursuit."

i disagree. yes, being a minister is an inherently religious profession. Washington argues that it serves a compelling state interest in avoiding an established state religion. but, as long as the government allows students studying any religion to use the scholarships, then they're not doing a thing to establish a religion.

when the government starts pouring money into churches, into blatantly church efforts, that's one thing. when the government starts denying people money for college scholarships based on what they are majoring in, that's denying them equal protection under the law. the Promise Scholarship is a scholarship that high-achieving students in Washington can use for college. the school that Davey went to was approved for usage of this Promise Scholarship money. the only major that he is not allowed to spend this scholarship on was theology. one can even use the money for religious studies programs...he just can't use it to study in a major that explicitly involves studying to become a minister. as Scalia argues in the dissent,

"It has created a generally available public benefit, whose receipt is conditioned only on academic performance, income, and attendance at an accredited school. It has then carved out a solitary course of study for exclusion: theology. No field of study but religion is singled out for disfavor in this fashion. Davey is not asking for a special benefit to which others are not entitled. He seeks only equal treatment — the right to direct his scholarship to his chosen course of study, a right every other Promise Scholar enjoys. . . ."

i can't say i agree with Scalia's argument that he's being denied something under the free exercise clause. he's not being denied the scholarship because of his religious beliefs, he's being denied the scholarship for the more general reason that he has chosen to study religion. it's not denying him the right to practice his religion, to exercise it. it's denying him the right to study his chosen major in college...which i think is more solidly argued on equal protection grounds.

i understand that they did not institute a no-theological-studies policy for federal loans and grants, simply for state ones. that's good. but, i still think that it's inconsistent to allow the state to do this even though the federal is not doing it (unless they're willing to argue that the federal government should be able to do this, which i have the same problems with.) equal protection is a federal right that also applies in the states. we know that from the fourteenth amendment. and...Joshua Davey is being deprived of his equal protection. grades are awful so far this quarter. just awful. but, i can't really bring myself to care that much. only two and a half weeks left in the quarter, but i'm still like, "i'll pull them up next week...whatever...not like i'm returning to school again next quarter..." i just keep blowing it off. my high school self would be appalled at me, would wonder what i've degraded to, but i don't feel like i've degraded at all. i feel like i'm aware of what's important in my life right now, and school is just not on that list.

Tuesday, March 02, 2004

with regards to that last post, nothing has been substantiated yet. thank goodness...let's hope it stays that way.

otherwise...i really don't have much to say right now. life is still pretty good... looking forward to the inept concert--it's been way too long since i've seen them (alright, only about two and a half weeks, but that's still too long!). got mock tonight, got to check in with the parole officers (ie, parental unit-type-people) today or tomorrow, which can't be fun...but whatever.

yay for useless posting. because this post is indeed an excuse not to be at my desk at work.